First impressions matter—a lot. And sometimes, the way we greet people can turn them off before the conversation even starts.
It’s not always about what you say, but how you say it. A greeting that feels awkward, insincere, or overly aggressive can make people instantly dislike you—even if that’s not your intention.
Certain greetings trigger negative reactions without us even realizing it. The good news? Small tweaks can make a big difference in how people perceive you.
Here are 10 common greetings that might be pushing people away—and what to say instead.
1) Saying “we need to talk”
Few phrases trigger instant anxiety like “We need to talk.”
Even if you don’t mean it in a bad way, most people’s minds go straight to the worst-case scenario. It sounds serious, ominous, and like bad news is on the way.
This phrase puts the other person on edge before the conversation even begins. Instead of opening with something that creates stress, try being more specific or reassuring.
For example, saying “Hey, I wanted to run something by you” or “Can we chat about something?” keeps things neutral and less intimidating.
2) Greeting someone with “you look tired”
I learned this one the hard way.
A while back, I ran into a coworker first thing in the morning and, without thinking, I greeted them with, “Wow, you look tired.” I meant it as concern, but the look on their face told me I’d made a mistake.
Later, they told me it made them feel self-conscious—like they must look awful. And honestly, I get it. No one wants to hear that they look exhausted, even if it’s true.
Comments about someone’s appearance—especially in a negative or unintendedly critical way—can make people feel defensive or insecure. Instead of pointing out how tired someone looks, try something more positive like, “How’s your morning going?” or “Good to see you!” It keeps the conversation warm without making them feel judged.
3) Starting with “hey, remember me?”
This might seem like a playful way to reconnect, but it actually puts the other person in an uncomfortable position.
When you greet someone with “Hey, remember me?” you’re forcing them into a quick mental scramble. If they don’t remember you right away, they’ll likely feel awkward or even embarrassed. And if they do remember but weren’t sure if you remembered them, it can still create tension.
Our brains are wired to avoid social discomfort, and being put on the spot like this can trigger mild panic. A better approach is to reintroduce yourself directly—something like, “Hey! It’s been a while. We met at [event or place].” This removes the pressure and makes the conversation flow much more easily.
4) Greeting with “not to be rude, but…”
This opener immediately puts people on the defensive.
When you start a conversation with “Not to be rude, but…” it signals that whatever comes next is probably going to be rude. It doesn’t soften the blow—it actually makes the other person brace for criticism.
This phrase activates a negativity bias, where people focus more on potential threats or insults. Even if what you’re about to say isn’t that bad, the warning makes it feel worse.
A better approach? Just say what you need to say in a polite and direct way. If you’re worried about coming off too harsh, try rewording it to sound more constructive rather than defensive.
5) Opening with “we need to talk” over text
If saying “We need to talk” in person makes people anxious, sending it over text is even worse.
Without any context, this phrase leaves the receiver guessing—and usually, their mind jumps to the worst possible scenario. Is something wrong? Are they in trouble? Did they do something wrong? The uncertainty creates unnecessary stress.
Psychologists call this *anticipatory anxiety*—the feeling of dread about an upcoming conversation or event. And when someone receives a vague message like this, they’re left stewing in that anxiety until you actually talk.
Instead, give a little context. Something like, “Hey, I wanted to chat about our plans for the weekend” or “Can we catch up later about the project?” removes the mystery and makes the conversation feel more natural.
6) Starting with “wow, you’ve gained weight”
Even if it’s said without bad intentions, commenting on someone’s weight is rarely a good idea.
Weight is a deeply personal topic, and for many people, it’s tied to their self-esteem, health, and even past struggles. A simple remark—whether it’s meant as an observation or even concern—can trigger feelings of insecurity or embarrassment.
Unsolicited comments about appearance can make people feel judged, even if that wasn’t your intention. And the truth is, you never really know what someone is going through. They could be dealing with health issues, stress, or personal challenges that have affected their body.
A much kinder approach? Focus on something positive. A warm “It’s so good to see you!” or “How have you been?” keeps the conversation uplifting and makes the other person feel valued for who they are—not just how they look.
7) Greeting someone with “you’re still single?”
Few things can make a person feel more awkward than being put on the spot about their relationship status.
This kind of greeting might be meant as playful or teasing, but it often stings more than people realize. Being single isn’t a problem to be fixed, but when someone hears this, it can feel like they’re being judged or pitied—especially if they’ve been struggling with loneliness or heartbreak.
There’s also the assumption that being in a relationship is the ultimate goal for everyone, when in reality, people have different priorities, experiences, and reasons for where they are in life.
A much better way to start a conversation? Ask how they’ve been, what’s new in their life, or what they’re excited about. That way, they get to share what actually matters to them—without feeling like they have to explain themselves.
Jokes are supposed to make people laugh, but this phrase often does the opposite.
When someone greets you with a teasing or sarcastic remark that doesn’t land well, following it up with “I was just joking” doesn’t actually fix the situation. Instead, it can make the other person feel like their reaction is the problem—not what was said.
Humor works best when both people find it funny. But when a joke makes someone uncomfortable, brushing it off this way can feel dismissive. It tells them their feelings don’t matter and that they’re being too sensitive, even if the comment genuinely stung.
A better approach? If you notice your joke didn’t go over well, a simple “I didn’t mean it that way” or even a quick “Sorry about that” shows awareness and respect for the other person’s feelings—without making them feel bad for not laughing.
9) Opening with “why are you so quiet?”
This question might seem harmless, but it can instantly make someone feel uncomfortable.
For quieter or more introverted people, being called out like this can feel like criticism—even if that wasn’t the intention. It puts them on the spot and forces them to explain themselves, which can make them even more self-conscious.
Silence isn’t always a problem. Some people take longer to warm up in conversations, while others simply prefer to listen more than they speak. But when you greet someone with “Why are you so quiet?” it can make them feel like they’re doing something wrong just by being themselves.
A better way to engage? Try asking a friendly question about something they’re interested in or bringing up a shared topic. This creates a natural opening for conversation—without making anyone feel singled out.
10) Starting with “you’re late”
Pointing out someone’s lateness the moment they arrive might seem reasonable, but it usually does more harm than good.
Most people already know when they’re late, and chances are, they feel bad about it. Greeting them with “You’re late” only adds to their stress and puts them on the defensive. Instead of making them feel welcome, it makes lateness the focus of the interaction—rather than the fact that they showed up.
People respond better to warmth than criticism. A simple “Glad you made it” or “Good to see you” helps shift the conversation in a more positive direction, making them feel included rather than called out.
Bottom line: words shape emotions
The way we greet people has a bigger impact than we often realize.
Every interaction sets a tone, and the first words out of our mouths can either make someone feel valued or put them on edge. Psychology shows that small shifts in language can change how people perceive us—and how they feel about themselves in our presence.
Our brains are wired to seek connection, and the words we choose can either strengthen or weaken that bond. A simple tweak in how we start a conversation can mean the difference between making someone feel welcome or making them withdraw.
At the heart of it all, communication isn’t just about words—it’s about how those words make people feel.
