There’s a big gap between being a genuinely nice person and pretending to be one.
The difference? It’s all about authenticity. Nice people are genuine in their actions, not just putting on a show to impress others.
According to psychology, there are certain signs that suggest someone may not be as nice as they appear. And the thing is, these signs aren’t always obvious.
In this article, I’ll share with you 10 tell-tale signs that someone isn’t a very nice person.
Let’s get started.
1) Lack of empathy
Empathy is at the heart of what it means to be human. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
According to psychology, one of the biggest signs that someone isn’t a very nice person is a lack of empathy. This can manifest in various forms such as dismissiveness, indifference, or even cruelty.
Think about it. When someone can’t put themselves in your shoes, they may not understand how their actions affect you. They may dismiss your feelings or show indifference towards your experiences. Worse still, they may even display cruelty, taking pleasure in your pain.
If you notice someone consistently lacking empathy, you might want to reconsider how close you allow them to get.
We all have our off days. It’s the consistent patterns that truly reveal a person’s character.
2) They’re constantly negative
Have you ever spent time with someone who is perpetually negative? It can be really draining.
Let me share a quick story. I once had a friend, let’s call him Jake. Jake was always complaining about something or the other. It didn’t matter if it was the weather, his job, or the price of coffee.
At first, I thought Jake was just going through a rough patch. But as time went on, I realized that this was his default state. He was constantly focused on the negatives in life.
According to psychology, chronic negativity can be a sign that someone isn’t a very nice person. They are often so caught up in their own negativity that they fail to consider how their attitude affects those around them.
If you find yourself constantly feeling drained after spending time with someone, it might be worth considering whether their persistent negativity is a sign of their true character.
3) They’re always right
If there’s one thing psychology has taught us, it’s that none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, and that’s okay. It’s part of being human.
However, some people seem to believe they are exempt from this universal truth. They insist they are always right, even in the face of clear evidence to the contrary.
And here’s something you might not know: the Dunning-Kruger effect is a cognitive bias where people with low ability at a task overestimate their ability. It’s seen in people who are adamant about their rightness despite clear evidence of their wrongness.
If someone you know never admits they’re wrong, even when it’s clear they are, it could be a sign that they’re not a very nice person. After all, the inability to admit mistakes can lead to a lack of growth and understanding.
4) They’re dismissive of others
Respect is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship. It involves valuing others for their individuality and acknowledging their perspectives, even when they differ from our own.
However, some people tend to dismiss others’ opinions or feelings with little regard. This could range from blatant disregard for someone’s thoughts to more subtle forms of dismissiveness like interrupting or speaking over someone.
Psychology tells us that this kind of behavior can be a sign that someone isn’t a very nice person. They may be so focused on their own thoughts and feelings that they fail to respect those of others.
5) They consistently break promises
Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. And one of the quickest ways to erode trust is by breaking promises.
We all forget things sometimes or find ourselves unable to fulfill a commitment due to unforeseen circumstances. But when someone consistently fails to keep their word, it’s a different story.
Psychology tells us that people who regularly break promises may not be very nice individuals. They might lack respect for others’ time and feelings, or they may simply prioritize their own needs and wants above everything else.
6) They are rarely happy for others
Have you ever shared good news, only to be met with a lukewarm response? It’s disheartening when someone can’t share in your joy.
Being happy for others, also known as ‘mudita’ in Buddhist teachings, is a sign of a kind and generous spirit. It’s about celebrating someone else’s success without any jealousy or resentment.
Unfortunately, some people struggle with this. Instead of being happy for others, they may display envy or even try to undermine the other person’s achievements.
According to psychology, this inability to feel joy for others could be a sign that someone isn’t a very nice person. It suggests a lack of generosity of spirit and can often lead to strained relationships.
7) They’re unkind to those who can’t benefit them
You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat those who can’t do anything for them.
I remember a time when I was at a restaurant with a friend. The waiter had clearly had a rough day and was struggling to keep up with the orders. My friend started being rude and harsh towards him, despite knowing he was doing his best.
This was a revealing moment for me. It showed me that my friend only treated people well when it benefited her in some way.
This is something psychologists have noted as well. If someone is only nice to people who can help them in some way, it might be a sign they’re not truly a nice person. Genuine kindness extends to everyone, regardless of their status or what they can offer in return.
8) They always play the victim
At first glance, someone who frequently portrays themselves as a victim might seem like they just need a bit more understanding or compassion. But if it’s a recurring pattern, it could be something else entirely.
Psychology tells us that people who consistently see themselves as victims may be trying to manipulate others. By always being the “victim,” they sidestep any responsibility for their actions and put the blame on others.
Of course, we all face hardships and challenges. But if someone never takes responsibility and always blames others for their problems, it might be a sign that they’re not a very nice person.
While it’s essential to show empathy and understanding, be wary of those who never own up to their mistakes and always play the victim.
9) They gossip a lot
We’ve all indulged in a bit of gossip now and then. It’s a common, albeit not exactly commendable, part of human interaction.
But when someone gossips all the time, it could be a sign of a deeper issue. Regularly spreading rumors or sharing confidential information can signal a lack of respect for others’ privacy.
Psychology warns us that habitual gossipers might not be very nice people. They often use gossip as a tool to manipulate relationships and dynamics, or simply to draw attention to themselves.
If you find that someone frequently indulges in gossip, especially if it’s harmful or destructive, it might be time to rethink their role in your life. After all, if they’re gossiping about others with you, who’s to say they’re not doing the same about you?
10) They lack gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful trait. It helps us appreciate the good in our lives and fosters positivity.
However, some people seem to lack this important quality. They’re always focused on what they don’t have or what’s wrong, rather than appreciating what’s right.
According to psychology, a lack of gratitude can be a sign that someone isn’t a very nice person. They may take others for granted or fail to acknowledge the good things and people in their life.
