There’s a vast difference between being in love and just wanting to be in a relationship.
The distinction is all about the emotions. Being in love is an intense feeling of deep affection for someone, while wanting to be in a relationship may simply be about seeking companionship, security or validation.
Recognizing this difference can save you from a lot of heartache and confusion. And, trust me, there are clear signs that can help you differentiate between the two.
In this article, I’m going to share with you 10 signs you’re not in love, you just want to be in a relationship.
Let’s get started.
1) You’re more focused on the idea of a relationship
One of the key signs that you’re not in love, but just want to be in a relationship is when you find yourself more attracted to the concept of being in a relationship than the person you’re with.
You might find yourself daydreaming about having someone to come home to, sharing intimate moments with a partner, or even just having someone’s hand to hold. But when it comes down to the person you’re with, there’s no deep emotional connection.
This is a clear indication that it’s the idea of being in a relationship that you’re drawn to, not the individual you’re with.
But remember, this doesn’t automatically make you manipulative or insincere. It’s just a signal that maybe you need to reevaluate your feelings and intentions.
2) Emotional connection feels forced
Here’s a personal one. I remember being in a relationship where everything seemed perfect on the outside. We got along well, we had a lot of fun together, and we shared many common interests. But something always felt off.
I realized later that I was trying hard to force emotional connections where there weren’t any. I would find myself trying to talk about deep feelings or personal thoughts, but it always felt like pulling teeth. It was more about fulfilling the idea of what I thought a relationship should be than actually connecting with her on a deeper level.
In retrospect, it’s clear to me that I wasn’t in love with her, but rather, I wanted the comfort of being in a relationship. It was a tough realization, but an important one. Recognizing this could be an indication that you’re not in love, but just want to be in a relationship.
3) You’re constantly comparing
When you’re truly in love, your partner is enough for you. You don’t find yourself constantly comparing them to your exes, celebrities, or even your friends’ partners.
However, research shows that people who are more interested in the idea of a relationship than being in love often engage in constant comparison. They tend to focus more on how their partner stacks up against others, rather than appreciating their unique qualities and attributes.
If you catch yourself regularly making these comparisons, it might be a sign that you’re not in love, but just want to be in a relationship.
4) You’re in a rush to reach relationship milestones
Being in love is a journey that unfolds naturally and at its own pace. However, if you’re more focused on hitting certain relationship milestones like saying “I love you,” moving in together, or even getting engaged, it’s likely that you’re more in love with the idea of a relationship than the person you’re with.
Love isn’t about ticking off boxes on a checklist. It’s about truly connecting with another person and enjoying the journey together. If you find yourself rushing to reach these milestones without truly cherishing the moments, it may be a sign that you’re not in love, but just want to be in a relationship.
5) You fear being alone
A strong indication that you might be more interested in the idea of a relationship than being in love is if you have an intense fear of being alone.
If you’re constantly seeking a relationship to fill a void or to avoid feelings of loneliness, it’s likely that you’re not truly in love with the person you’re with. Instead, you might be using the relationship as a coping mechanism.
Remember, a healthy relationship should complement your life, not be a means to escape from it. If the thought of being single scares you more than the thought of losing your current partner, it’s time to reassess your feelings.
6) You don’t miss them when they’re gone
When you’re truly in love with someone, their absence is deeply felt. Simple things like their laughter, the way they look at you, or just their presence can be profoundly missed when they’re not around.
However, if they’re gone and you find that your life continues on without much difference, it could be a sign that you’re not in love. It might mean that you enjoy the idea of having someone there, but it doesn’t necessarily matter who that someone is.
This doesn’t mean you’re heartless. It just suggests that you might be more in love with the idea of a relationship than being in love with your partner. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but realizing this can save both you and your partner from unnecessary heartache.
7) You’re not interested in their day
I once found myself in a relationship where I stopped asking about his day. His stories, his experiences, his feelings – they just didn’t pique my interest anymore. At first, I thought it was just the routine of life setting in. But then I realized, I didn’t care because I wasn’t emotionally invested in him.
When you’re in love, your partner’s day matters to you. Their highs become your highs, their lows become your lows. But when you’re more focused on being in a relationship than being in love, these details can start to seem mundane or unimportant.
So if you find yourself not caring about your partner’s day-to-day life, it might be a sign that you’re not truly in love.
8) You’re always seeking validation
Does it feel like you need constant reassurance about your relationship status? Are you always seeking validation from your partner or even from others about your relationship? If so, this could be a sign that you’re not in love, but just want to be in a relationship.
It might seem like the more you care about a relationship, the more validation you would seek. But in reality, when you’re truly in love, the security comes from within the relationship itself. You don’t need constant affirmation because the love and connection you share with your partner is enough.
So paradoxically, if you find yourself constantly needing validation, it could mean that you’re more infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship rather than being truly in love.
9) You’re not willing to make sacrifices
Love often involves sacrifice. It’s about putting your partner’s needs and happiness before your own. But if you find yourself hesitant or unwilling to make sacrifices for your partner, it could be a sign that you’re more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than being in love.
When you’re truly in love, making sacrifices doesn’t feel like a burden or obligation. It feels natural because your partner’s happiness is inherently linked to your own. But if you see every compromise as a loss rather than an act of love, it might be time to reassess your feelings.
10) Your gut tells you something’s off
Trust your instincts. Deep down, we often know what’s true, even if we don’t want to admit it. If your gut is telling you that something is off, that you might not truly be in love with your partner, it might be time to listen.
Your intuition is a powerful tool. It cuts through the noise and gets to the heart of the matter. So if it’s telling you that you’re more in love with the idea of a relationship than the person you’re with, don’t ignore it. It could be the clarity you need to make the right decision for both yourself and your partner.
