There’s a fine line between being unique and being unlikable.
Often, it’s the little things, the tiny habits, that push us from one side to the other.
According to psychology, there are certain actions that can subtly repel those around us, even if we’re not aware of them.
In this article, we’ll explore 10 of these habits to help you become more likable. So, let’s dive in and learn how to avoid these common pitfalls.
1) Constant criticism
It’s true, nobody’s perfect. We all have our flaws and areas that we could improve on.
There’s a world of difference between offering constructive feedback and constantly criticizing those around you.
The former can help a person grow, while the latter can make you incredibly unlikable.
As the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
This implies that people are more likely to change when they feel accepted and not judged harshly.
Criticism, especially when it’s constant, can make others feel judged and not good enough.
It creates an aura of negativity that others will naturally want to avoid.
Next time before you critique someone, pause and think about the impact of your words. It’s not about sugar-coating the truth, but delivering it in a way which is not demeaning.
2) Neglecting to listen
I remember a time when I was chatting with a friend at a party. Midway through our conversation, I realized he wasn’t really listening to me.
His eyes were darting around the room, and he kept interrupting with unrelated comments. Needless to say, it left a sour taste in my mouth.
We often underestimate the power of truly listening to someone.
It’s not just about hearing the words; it’s about showing genuine interest and responding appropriately.
Psychologist Carl Rogers emphasized the importance of this in therapy, stating, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
The same applies outside therapy too. If you’re not present in the conversation, people can sense it, and it can make you quite unlikable.
The next time someone is talking to you, really listen. It might just make all the difference.
3) Being overly self-centered
Let’s be brutally honest here. No one likes a person who only talks about themselves.
We all know someone like that, don’t we? The person who uses every conversation as an opportunity to talk about their achievements, their problems, their life.
It’s draining and can make them seem incredibly unlikable.
As the famous psychologist Dale Carnegie once said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Conversation is a two-way street.
Showing genuine interest in the other person, asking about their experiences and opinions, can go a long way in making you more likable.
Balance is key.
4) Being a chronic complainer
Growing up, I had a neighbor who always seemed to find something to complain about. The weather, the traffic, her job, you name it.
Over time, people started avoiding her because her negative energy was just too draining.
Complaining once in a while is normal, we all do it. But if every conversation with you feels like a venting session, people may start to find you unlikable.
Famed psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”
This means appreciating what we have right now instead of focusing on what’s wrong or what we lack.
Try to cultivate an attitude of gratitude and positivity. It’s not about ignoring life’s challenges, but rather not letting them overshadow everything else.
Trust me, it makes a difference.
5) Avoiding eye contact
This might surprise you, but avoiding eye contact can make you come across as unlikable.
In many cultures, eye contact is seen as a sign of respect and attentiveness.
When you avoid it, it can make the other person feel like you’re disinterested or hiding something.
Indeed, eye contact can convey honesty, confidence and a genuine connection.
Of course, it’s important to strike a balance. Too much eye contact can seem intimidating or aggressive.
Completely avoiding it can send unintended negative signals. So, use your eyes wisely!
6) Ignoring boundaries
Respecting other people’s boundaries, be it physical, emotional or time, is crucial in any relationship.
When someone oversteps these boundaries, it can make them seem insensitive and hence, unlikable.
As renowned psychologist Dr. Brene Brown explains, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
It’s a beautiful reminder that respecting others’ boundaries starts with understanding and respecting our own.
Just as you wouldn’t want someone to invade your personal space or overstep your boundaries, it’s important to extend the same courtesy to others.
7) Constantly interrupting
I recall a time when I was trying to share a story with a group of friends, and one person kept interrupting with his own comments.
It was incredibly frustrating and made me feel like my words didn’t matter.
Interrupting someone while they’re speaking can be seen as a sign of disrespect.
It can suggest that you believe your thoughts are more important than theirs.
Psychologist Albert Mehrabian, known for his studies on verbal and non-verbal communication, pointed out that “inconsistent” behaviors, like interrupting someone while they speak, can lead to negative perceptions.
So, next time you’re in a conversation, let the other person finish their thought before jumping in with yours.
It’s a small adjustment that can have a big impact on how others perceive you.
8) Showing no empathy
I’ll be honest here. One of the quickest ways to become unlikable is by showing a lack of empathy towards others.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
When you fail to show empathy, it can make others feel like you don’t care about their experiences or emotions.
Psychologist and author Daniel Goleman once said, “Empathy represents the foundation skill for all the social competencies important for work.”
It’s not just about work, though. Empathy is crucial in all aspects of life.
If we fail to show empathy, our relationships suffer.
Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It can make a world of difference in how likable you are.
9) Being too agreeable
Contrary to what you might think, always agreeing with others doesn’t necessarily make you more likable.
Quite the opposite, it can make you seem inauthentic.
People appreciate honesty and authenticity, even if it means occasionally disagreeing with them.
It shows that you have your own opinions and aren’t afraid to stand by them.
While it’s important to be considerate, it’s equally important to voice your own thoughts and opinions.
It’s perfectly okay to agree to disagree. Your authenticity will only make you more likable.
10) Not keeping your word
One of my pet peeves is when someone doesn’t keep their word.
It shows a lack of respect for other people’s time and trust.
When you say you’ll do something, people count on you.
Not keeping your word can make you seem unreliable and untrustworthy, which are traits of an unlikable person.
If you make a promise, do everything in your power to keep it.
Your reliability will make you a person people can trust, and ultimately, like.