There’s a vast difference between being assertive and being aggressive.
Assertiveness is about expressing your needs and standing up for your rights while respecting others. Aggression, however, is about bulldozing your way through any conversation.
Socially intelligent people know exactly how to assert themselves without needing to raise their voice or come off as aggressive.
In fact, they have a few strategies up their sleeve that help them do this effectively. And guess what? You can learn these strategies too.
Let’s dive right into the 10 ways socially intelligent people stand up for themselves without needing to raise their voice.
1) Active listening
One of the most powerful tools in a socially intelligent person’s arsenal is active listening.
Active listening is more than just hearing what someone is saying. It’s about understanding and interpreting their words, their emotions, and often, what they’re not saying too.
Socially intelligent people don’t just listen to respond. They listen to understand. They show empathy, nod when appropriate, ask clarifying questions and summarize what the other person said to ensure they’ve got it right.
In conflicts, this approach can help keep things calm. It shows the other person you respect their viewpoint and you’re willing to understand it.
You don’t necessarily have to agree with them. But understanding where they’re coming from is the first step to standing your ground in a calm and respectful manner.
And the best part? You can do all this without having to raise your voice.
2) Assertion with empathy
Another strategy I’ve found to be highly effective in asserting myself without raising my voice is blending assertion with empathy.
Let me share a personal example with you.
A few months back, I was in a team meeting at work where we were discussing the direction of a project. My colleague suggested a strategy that I firmly believed wouldn’t work.
Instead of being confrontational or dismissive, I used empathy to assert my viewpoint. I said, “I understand where you’re coming from and it’s a valid perspective. However, based on my past experiences, I have found that…”
This approach not only kept the conversation calm and productive, but it also helped me assert my viewpoint without being aggressive or needing to raise my voice.
By acknowledging the other person’s viewpoint and then gently introducing your own, you can stand up for yourself while maintaining respect and rapport.
3) The power of non-verbal cues
Our body language speaks volumes about our thoughts and feelings. In fact, studies estimate that a whopping 55% of our communication is non-verbal.
Socially intelligent people use this to their advantage when standing up for themselves. They understand the importance of maintaining eye contact, having an open posture, and using calm, confident gestures.
Even when words are kept to a minimum, these non-verbal cues can assert dominance and confidence without the need for raised voices or aggressive language.
And remember, it’s not just about your own body language. Reading others’ non-verbal cues can give you a better understanding of their state of mind and help you navigate the conversation more effectively.
4) Using “I” statements
A well-known strategy that socially intelligent people use to stand up for themselves without raising their voice is the use of “I” statements.
Instead of saying “You’re wrong” or “You don’t understand”, they frame their perspectives in a way that expresses their feelings and thoughts without blaming or criticizing the other person.
For instance, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” a socially intelligent person might say, “I feel unheard when I express my ideas.”
This approach is not only less confrontational, but it also encourages open communication and understanding. Plus, it helps you assert your feelings and needs without escalating the conversation into an argument.
5) Choosing battles wisely
Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean you have to engage in every disagreement or conflict. Socially intelligent people understand the value of choosing their battles wisely.
They know when to voice their opinions and when it’s better to let things slide. They weigh the significance of the issue against the potential damage that could be caused by an argument.
If it’s a minor issue that won’t matter in the long run, they might choose to let it go. But if it’s something that impacts their values, beliefs or important aspects of their life, they will stand their ground – calmly and respectfully, of course.
Not every disagreement needs to become a battleground. Sometimes, silence can be just as powerful as words.
6) Practicing self-compassion
In the pursuit of standing up for ourselves, we often forget a vital component – self-compassion.
Socially intelligent people understand that it’s okay to make mistakes, to not have all the answers, or to be in a vulnerable position. They allow themselves to feel these emotions without judgment or criticism.
They recognize their worth and understand that their feelings and thoughts are just as valid as anyone else’s. This self-compassion gives them the strength and confidence to voice their opinions, express their needs, and assert their boundaries, without needing to raise their voice.
It’s a gentle reminder that it’s okay to put ourselves first sometimes. We deserve respect, understanding, and kindness – not just from others, but from ourselves too.
7) Seeking help when needed
There was a time in my life when I found it extremely difficult to stand up for myself. I would often find myself being taken advantage of, feeling unheard, and frustrated.
That’s when I realized that sometimes, it’s okay to seek help. I reached out to a mentor who was incredibly socially intelligent and asked for their guidance. They taught me strategies, helped me understand different perspectives, and most importantly, they helped me believe in my own worth.
Reaching out for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. It shows strength, self-awareness, and the willingness to improve. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a mentor, or a professional counselor – don’t hesitate to seek assistance if you’re finding it hard to navigate through conflicts or assert yourself.
8) Embracing silence
Most of us are uncomfortable with silence, especially in conflict situations. We feel the need to fill it with words, often escalating the situation without intending to.
Socially intelligent people, however, understand the power that silence can hold. They use it as a tool to diffuse tension, to allow the other person to reflect, or to emphasize a point.
Instead of rushing to respond during a heated conversation, they pause. This pause gives both parties a moment to breathe, to process what’s been said, and to respond rather than react.
It may seem odd – using silence as a way to stand up for yourself. But sometimes, the most profound statements are made in quiet moments.
9) Expressing needs clearly
One of the key ways socially intelligent people stand up for themselves without raising their voice is by expressing their needs clearly and directly.
They don’t beat around the bush or hope others will read between the lines. They articulate their needs in a respectful yet assertive manner, making it easier for others to understand their perspective.
For instance, instead of saying, “It would be nice if you could help me with this project,” they might say, “I need your assistance with this project. Can we find a time to sit down and discuss it?”
Being clear and direct about your needs helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that you’re heard. It’s a simple yet powerful way to assert yourself.
10) Continuous learning and adapting
The world of human interaction is complex and ever-changing. What works today might not work tomorrow. Socially intelligent people understand this and continually learn and adapt their strategies.
They are open to feedback, willing to acknowledge their mistakes, and constantly looking for ways to improve their communication skills.
This continuous learning and adapting is what allows them to navigate through different social situations smoothly, standing up for themselves without needing to raise their voice.
It’s a journey, not a destination. And every step you take towards improving your social intelligence is a step towards a more confident, assertive you.
