When someone’s struggling, the instinct to offer quick comfort is natural. But what if the phrases we use to reassure are doing more harm than good?
Statements like “Everything happens for a reason” or “Just stay positive” may sound like they’re meant to uplift, but they can often dismiss a person’s feelings, leaving them unheard and unsupported.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of such remarks, you understand how isolating it can feel.
Let’s unpack 7 common phrases that, while seemingly comforting, can actually be quite dismissive—and why it’s important to choose our words with care.
1) “Everything happens for a reason”
We’ve all heard this one or maybe even used it ourselves. It’s a classic phrase meant to provide solace during tough times.
But here’s the catch.
Although it’s usually said with good intentions, it can actually be quite dismissive.
Why, you may ask?
Because it oversimplifies complex situations. It can unintentionally invalidate someone’s feelings by implying that there’s a predetermined plan, thereby downplaying their struggles or experiences.
Instead of providing comfort, it tends to stifle the conversation and dismiss the person’s pain.
So next time, try to validate their feelings instead, acknowledging their situation without diminishing it with a cliche.
You might be surprised at how much more comforting that can be.
2) “At least it’s not worse”
This one hits close to home for me. I remember a time when I was going through a rough patch, and a friend tried to comfort me with this phrase.
“At least it’s not worse,” she said. And sure, she had a point.
Things could always be worse.
But instead of feeling comforted, I felt dismissed.
What I was going through was tough for me, and hearing that phrase made me feel like my struggles were being minimized.
Even though it might seem like you’re offering a silver lining, this phrase can actually make someone feel like their problems don’t matter.
Keep in mind that everyone’s struggle is real to them and deserves to be acknowledged as such.
3) “Just think positive”
Positivity is powerful, no doubt.
But did you know that forcing positivity can actually backfire? This phenomenon, known as toxic positivity, can cause people to feel invalidated and unheard.
When we tell someone to “just think positive,” we’re essentially suggesting that their negative emotions should be suppressed.
This can lead to feelings of guilt for not being able to simply “snap out of it.”
Emotions are complex, and all of them, including the negative ones, have a place in our lives.
They need to be acknowledged and accepted, not brushed under the rug with forced positivity.
So try to lend a listening ear instead of writing off someone’s feelings with this seemingly harmless phrase.
4) “Don’t take it personally”
This one is a classic.
It’s often used in an attempt to soften the blow of criticism or bad news. The problem is, it can come across as dismissive.
When we say “don’t take it personally,” we’re often trying to distance the person from their feelings, suggesting that they should somehow be able to separate themselves from the situation.
But emotions don’t always work that way.
People have a right to feel hurt or upset.
By using this phrase, we unintentionally dismiss their feelings and invalidate their experience.
5) “You’re too sensitive”
This phrase tugs at the heartstrings.
It’s often used when someone reacts in a way that we weren’t expecting or prepared for.
Here’s the thing though – telling someone they’re “too sensitive” is a way of invalidating their feelings.
It suggests that their emotional response is unwarranted or over the top.
We all feel and express emotions differently.
And that’s okay. It’s what makes us human.
Instead of labeling someone as ‘too sensitive’, let’s try to understand their perspective and appreciate their depth of feeling.
It’s a small shift in approach, but one that can make a world of difference to someone who is feeling dismissed or misunderstood.
6) “I know exactly how you feel”
I remember a time when I was grieving a personal loss, and someone said to me, “I know exactly how you feel.” It was meant to be comforting, a way of expressing empathy.
But it missed the mark.
The truth is, no one can truly know exactly how another person feels.
Each person’s feelings and experiences are unique to them.
When we assume we know exactly how someone else feels, we can unintentionally negate their personal experience.
It’s far more helpful, and respectful, to show empathy by listening and acknowledging their feelings without imposing our own experiences onto theirs.
Keep in mind, it’s not about us, it’s about them.
7) “This too shall pass”
This phrase is often used to remind people that tough times don’t last forever.
While this is true, it can sometimes be more dismissive than comforting.
Saying “this too shall pass” can feel like you’re rushing someone through their feelings, pushing them to get over something before they’re ready.
Pain and struggles are part of life, and everyone takes their own time to heal and overcome. Let’s respect that.
After all, the most comforting thing we can do for someone is simply to be there for them, without judgment or dismissive clichés.
The phrases we’ve walked through may seem benign on the surface but can subtly dismiss someone’s feelings and experiences.
Each of these phrases has the potential to close off a conversation rather than open up a safe space for expression.
But here’s the silver lining – now that we’re aware, we can make a conscious effort to choose our words wisely.
To offer genuine comfort, we need to embrace empathy and validation rather than empty platitudes.
Because ultimately, it’s not about fixing someone’s problem or rushing them through their feelings. It’s about being present, being patient, and above all, being understanding.
In the end, that’s what true comfort is all about.
