My grandpa, a man of few words but profound wisdom, once told me, “Not all that glitters is gold.”
A truth that, over the years, I’ve come to appreciate in more ways than one.
Especially in terms of relationships.
Sure, charisma and charm can be quite attractive.
Yet, underneath those enchanting smiles and magnetic personalities, we might find something far less appealing. I’m talking about narcissism.
How do you know if you’re being emotionally drained by a narcissist? And more importantly, how do you protect your emotional health?
It’s easier said than done.
But fear not. I’m here to guide you through some telltale signs that you’re dealing with a narcissist and how to navigate these choppy waters.
Remember, understanding is the first step to empowerment.
And in the words of my grandpa, it’s time we learned to distinguish between glitter and gold.
1) It’s always about them
Let’s start with the basics.
Narcissists have a knack for making everything revolve around them.
Ever noticed how every conversation somehow circles back to their achievements, their experiences, or their feelings?
But wait, there’s more.
It’s not just that they love the spotlight. The real issue is that they lack empathy. They struggle to genuinely care about your feelings or needs.
Now, the key to tackling this issue?
Start by setting boundaries. It may be uncomfortable at first, but it’s absolutely essential for your emotional health. It’s not selfish to prioritize your own well-being.
2) They belittle you
Here’s a personal story.
I once had a friend, let’s call her Jane. Jane had this unique way of making me feel small.
Each time I shared a success or an accomplishment, she’d subtly downplay it or hastily change the topic.
I realized later that this was a classic narcissistic tactic. By belittling my achievements, Jane maintained her sense of superiority.
The experience was draining, to say the least.
But here’s how I fought back.
I started by recognizing her behavior for what it was – not a reflection of my worth, but her insecurities.
Then, I made a conscious decision to limit my interactions with her, focusing instead on relationships that were uplifting and positive.
Believe me, it made all the difference.
3) They gaslight you
Gaslighting.
It’s a term you might have come across, and it’s as sinister as it sounds. It’s a form of manipulation that narcissists often employ to make you question your own reality.
You might find yourself constantly second-guessing your actions or doubting your sanity.
It’s like being stuck in a fog of confusion and self-doubt.
I’ll be frank, I’ve been there. It’s an unsettling place to be.
But here’s the silver lining.
Once you recognize gaslighting for what it is, you can begin to reclaim your reality. Stand firm in your experiences and your feelings.
They are valid, they are real, and no one has the right to make you feel otherwise.
4) They’re never wrong
Ever tried pointing out a mistake to a narcissist?
It’s like trying to nail jelly to a wall. They steer clear of accepting responsibility and are expert deflectors.
The blame game? They’re the reigning champions.
It’s exhausting. It’s disheartening. But most importantly, it’s a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Fighting back begins with understanding that this behavior is not about you—it’s about them.
Their fear of appearing less than perfect.
It’s okay to step back. To protect your peace, even if it means letting them believe they have ‘won.’
5) They exploit your kindness
Narcissists are like emotional vampires, sucking the joy and energy out of you. And here’s the kicker – they’re especially drawn to people with high empathy.
Why?
Because empathetic individuals often give narcissists what they crave – attention, admiration, and validation.
Find yourself feeling drained after interactions? That’s a red flag.
But here’s the good news. Once you recognize this, you can start to pull back. You can learn to set boundaries without feeling guilty.
Because remember, your kindness is not a weakness, it’s a strength to be protected.
6) They dismiss your feelings
This one’s tough, but crucial.
Narcissists often dismiss your feelings, making you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.
It’s a way to brush off accountability and maintain their upper hand.
I know firsthand how hurtful this can be.
But here’s what I want you to remember. Your feelings are valid. You’re not “too much” or “too sensitive.”
You have every right to express your emotions and demand respect in your interactions.
It may take time and practice, but learning to stand up for yourself is a crucial step in dealing with a narcissist.
You are worthy, and your feelings matter. Always remember that.
7) They’re excessively controlling
The crux of the matter is this.
Narcissists have a need for control. They want to dictate your behavior, your thoughts, even your feelings.
It’s their way of maintaining dominance and feeding their ego.
But here’s the most important thing.
You are not a puppet on a string. You are an individual with autonomy and free will. Don’t let anyone—no matter how charming or persuasive—convince you otherwise.
Learning to assert yourself and maintain your independence is the most powerful defense against a narcissist’s control.
The final thought
Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be a turbulent journey.
If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, know this – you’re not alone.
But there’s a silver lining.
Your experiences, however challenging, have made you stronger.
With awareness comes the power to change, and that’s precisely what you’ve begun today.
Setting boundaries isn’t an act of defiance; it’s an act of self-care. It’s about reclaiming your space, your voice, and your emotional health.
It won’t be an overnight transformation.
It’s a journey, filled with small but significant steps forward.
Each time you choose to prioritize yourself, you’re building resilience.
And in that resilience lies your power.
Embrace it. Nurture it. And use it as a beacon to light your path towards healthier relationships.
After all, you owe it to yourself. You deserve respect, empathy, and kindness – from others and most importantly, from yourself.
