Self-esteem can be such a fragile, complicated thing, can’t it?
Especially for us women.
We’ve all been there—putting on a strong front when deep down, we’re anything but.
The smiles, the confidence, the “I’ve got it all together” act—sometimes it’s just easier to fake it than face the truth.
But behind the mask?
There’s often a quiet struggle, one that’s easy to miss, even in ourselves.
Low self-esteem doesn’t always scream for attention.
It’s subtle, sneaky, and often hides in plain sight, disguised as everyday behaviors that we might not even question.
In this piece, I want to share something personal—insights I’ve gained not just as a relationship expert or the founder of the Love Connection blog, but as someone who has seen these patterns up close.
Because sometimes, recognizing what’s hidden is the first step toward real change.
1) Over apologizing
Ever noticed how some people tend to say sorry, even when it’s not necessary?
It’s a subtle behavior that often goes unnoticed but can be a telltale sign of low self-esteem.
Over apologizing can be a defense mechanism, a way to avoid conflict or to subtly seek validation.
It’s like saying, “See, I know I make mistakes. I acknowledge them before you even have to point them out.”
This behavior is rooted in the fear of judgment or criticism.
Women with low self-esteem often feel the need to apologize for their actions, their words, even their existence.
It’s not just about saying ‘sorry’ too often.
It’s about the underlying belief that they are somehow less than, inadequate, or flawed in some way.
2) Overachieving
This one might surprise you.
Isn’t overachieving a good thing?
Doesn’t it mean you’re successful, driven, and ambitious?
Yes, but there’s a hidden side to it as well.
A study published in Social Psychology of Education found that high school students with fragile self-esteem were more likely to identify as overachievers, channeling their insecurities into relentless pursuit of excellence.
Some women with low self-esteem channel their insecurities into overachieving.
They push themselves relentlessly, striving for perfection in every task, no matter how small.
They believe that by being the best, they can silence the inner critic that tells them they’re not good enough.
But here’s the catch: no amount of success or achievement can fill the void of self-esteem.
The goalposts keep moving further, the standards get higher and the feeling of inadequacy remains.
It’s not about discouraging ambition or hard work.
It’s about understanding that self-worth cannot be measured by external achievements alone.
If you find yourself stuck in this cycle of overachievement and dissatisfaction, it might be time to reflect on your self-esteem.
3) Codependency in relationships
Relationships are a two-way street, right?
A balance of give and take.
But what happens when one person is constantly giving, and the other is happily taking?
Codependency in relationships can be a sign of low self-esteem.
Women with low self-esteem often feel they need to ‘earn’ love and affection by being overly accommodating or pleasing.
They might find it hard to set boundaries, fearing rejection or conflict.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this complex dynamic.
But for now, let’s understand that codependency isn’t about love; it’s about a deep-seated fear of being unlovable.
It’s about feeling incomplete without the validation of others.
4) Difficulty accepting compliments
How do you respond when someone compliments you?
Do you accept it graciously or brush it off, downplay it, or even reject it outright?
Women with low self-esteem often have a hard time accepting compliments.
They feel unworthy and immediately try to deflect, deny, or devalue the praise.
I remember a time when I used to do just that.
Every time someone praised me, I’d instantly counter it with a self-deprecating remark.
It took me years to understand that by doing so, not only was I reinforcing my low self-esteem but also dismissing the kindness of others.
As the great Maya Angelou once said, “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
Just like the butterfly, we all have our unique journey of transformation and growth.
And each of us deserves to be seen, appreciated, and celebrated.
So next time someone compliments you, try accepting it with a simple ‘thank you’.
It’ll make a world of difference, I promise.
5) Constant self-criticism
We all have an inner critic, don’t we?
That little voice in our heads that sometimes points out our mistakes and shortcomings.
But for some, this voice can be particularly harsh and relentless.
Research indicates that self-criticism is a significant predictor of low self-esteem, leading individuals to focus on their perceived flaws and failures while overlooking their strengths and accomplishments.
Women with low self-esteem often engage in constant self-criticism.
They’re their own worst critics, always focusing on their flaws and failures while ignoring their strengths and accomplishments.
I’ve been down that road myself.
I used to be so hard on myself, always expecting perfection and berating myself for every little mistake.
It was exhausting and unproductive.
The reality is, nobody is perfect.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures.
And that’s perfectly okay.
It’s what makes us human.
So if you find yourself constantly criticizing yourself, take a step back and try to see the bigger picture.
You’re so much more than your perceived flaws and mistakes.
6) Being overly cautious
Do you find yourself constantly playing it safe?
Avoiding new experiences or challenges for fear of failure?
Women with low self-esteem can often be overly cautious.
They’re afraid to step out of their comfort zones, fearing they might not be good enough or that they’ll mess up.
I know that feeling.
I used to be so scared of trying new things, always sticking to what I knew best.
But over time, I realized that by avoiding risks, I was also missing out on opportunities for growth and learning.
As the renowned author Mark Twain wisely said, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.”
So don’t let fear hold you back.
Take that leap of faith, embrace the unknown, and see where life takes you.
Every experience—whether successful or not—is a valuable lesson learned.
And hey, if you’d like to continue this journey of learning and self-discovery with me, feel free to follow my page on Facebook.
You’ll get all my latest articles right in your feed. Looking forward to connecting with you there!
7) Fear of being ‘too much’
Finally, let’s talk about something that doesn’t get discussed nearly enough.
Have you ever held yourself back because you were afraid of being ‘too much’? Too emotional, too needy, too ambitious, too sensitive?
Research indicates that women with low self-esteem often fear that expressing their authentic selves might be overwhelming or off-putting to others.
They downplay their needs, their feelings, their dreams, trying to fit into a mold that they think is more acceptable.
This fear of being ‘too much’ can be paralyzing.
It stifles your voice, your growth, your potential.
It keeps you from being true to yourself.
And let me tell you something: there’s no such thing as being ‘too much’.
You are enough just as you are.
Your feelings are valid.
Your needs are important.
Your dreams are worth pursuing.
Never shrink yourself to fit into someone else’s comfort zone.
You deserve to take up space, to be seen and heard and valued for who you truly are.
And anyone who thinks otherwise is simply not worth your time or energy.
Exploring the journey within
As we delve into the complexity of human behavior and emotions, we discover that self-esteem is a deeply personal and intricate aspect of our being.
It’s influenced by a myriad of factors and manifests in subtly different ways in each of us.
Understanding these subtle behaviors of low self-esteem is a first step towards awareness.
But the journey doesn’t stop there.
It’s about empowering ourselves and those around us to confront these behaviors, to peel back the layers, and to delve into the heart of who we truly are.
Just as the great Carl Jung once observed, “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
In this spirit of awakening and self-discovery, I’d like to share with you a video that offers a deeper exploration of these ideas.
Justin Brown discusses the importance of embracing our vulnerabilities and recognizing our achievements without external validation.
He talks about how feeling like an ‘imposter’ can actually drive a more profound exploration of our personal capabilities.
This journey is not always easy.
It demands courage, resilience, and above all, honesty with ourselves.
But as we navigate this path, let’s remember: we are not alone.
Together, we can shed light on these hidden corners of our psyche, embrace our unique journeys, and foster a deeper understanding and compassion for ourselves and each other.
Every step you take on this journey is a step towards understanding, acceptance, and ultimately, self-love.
