Friendships, much like romantic relationships, can have their peaks and valleys. Sometimes, it’s obvious when things are going south – big arguments, hurtful words, or simply growing apart. But other times, the signs are subtler.
As a relationship expert, it’s my job to pick up on those less obvious clues that a friendship may be on the rocks. And let me tell you, it’s not always as clear-cut as you’d think.
In this piece, I’ll be sharing seven subtle signs that your friendship might be falling apart. It’s important to remember that these are just signs – not definitive proof.
But acknowledging them can be the first step towards fixing what’s broken or preparing for what’s to come.
So without further ado, let’s dive into these indicators and hopefully provide some clarity on the health of your friendships.
1) Communication changes
Communication is the backbone of any relationship. In a healthy friendship, there’s a steady rhythm of checking in, sharing news and experiences, and generally keeping each other in the loop.
But when a friendship is on the rocks, you might notice some changes in how you communicate with each other. Maybe your texts go unanswered for days, or your friend seems distant when you talk. They might even be avoiding your calls or canceling plans at the last minute.
It’s not just about frequency either – the tone of your conversations can also be telling. If your friend seems less interested in what you have to say or they’re constantly distracted when you’re together, it could be a sign that something’s off.
Remember, everyone has busy periods or times when they’re less available, but if this becomes a consistent pattern, it might be an indication that the friendship is falling apart.
2) They’re overly enthusiastic
This one might sound counterintuitive because we usually associate enthusiasm with positivity. But there’s a particular kind of excessive eagerness that can indicate a friendship is on shaky ground.
Call it overcompensation. If your friend seems to be going out of their way to show just how much they care about you – perhaps by showering you with compliments or gifts or insisting on spending every possible moment together – they might be trying to hide the fact that they’re actually pulling away.
This over-the-top behavior often feels forced or insincere because, well, it usually is. It’s a way of covering up the discomfort or unease they’re feeling about the friendship. And while it might seem nice at first, it can quickly become suffocating and unbalanced.
So, if your friend suddenly turns into your biggest fan, take a closer look. It could be a sign that they’re grappling with the idea of letting the friendship go.
3) You’re the only one making an effort
Now, this is a sign that I’ve talked a lot about in my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship”. It’s when you realize that you’re the only one putting in the work to maintain the friendship.
You’re always the one reaching out, setting up get-togethers, and trying to keep the conversation going. If your friend is constantly leaving it up to you to keep things afloat, it’s possible they’re not as invested in the relationship as they once were.
Friendships are a two-way street. If you’re doing all of the driving, it might be time to pull over and reassess. Are they distracted by something else? Are they taking you for granted? Or have they perhaps checked out emotionally?
This lack of reciprocity can be a subtle sign that your friendship is on the decline. It’s worth addressing directly – sometimes people don’t realize they’ve been neglecting their friends until it’s pointed out to them. But if things don’t change after you’ve raised your concerns, it could be time to reassess the friendship.
4) Unresolved issues keep resurfacing
As the late, great Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” This wisdom rings true in friendships as well.
We all have disagreements and arguments with our friends – it’s a natural part of any relationship. But when old issues keep popping up again and again, it’s a clear sign that something isn’t quite right.
In a healthy friendship, you can have a disagreement, talk it out, and then move on. But if your friend keeps bringing up the same issue or mistake from the past, it’s an indication that they haven’t truly forgiven or forgotten. It’s like a wound that never quite heals.
I’ve been there myself – stuck in this cycle of repeated arguments and unresolved issues. It’s draining and it can really eat away at the foundations of your friendship.
If you find yourself in this situation, it might be time for a serious heart-to-heart about why these issues keep reappearing. But if your friend isn’t willing to let go of past transgressions, it could be a sign that your friendship is in jeopardy.
5) They’re not there when you need them
A good friend is someone who’s there for you in your time of need. Whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just someone to make you laugh when you’re feeling down.
But when a friendship is falling apart, you might find that your friend isn’t as available or supportive as they used to be. Maybe they’re always too busy to talk, or they seem disinterested in your problems.
I’ve experienced this myself, and let me tell you, it’s a heart-wrenching realization. The person you’ve relied on for support is suddenly absent or uncaring when you’re going through a tough time.
This lack of support can be a subtle sign that your friendship is in trouble. It’s worth having a If things don’t change, it could be an indication that the friendship isn’t as strong as it once was.
6) There’s a constant feeling of competition
As the wise Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” In the context of friendships, constant comparison and competition can indeed rob the relationship of its joy and authenticity.
Healthy friendships are about support and mutual growth, not about outdoing each other. If you always feel like you’re in a race with your friend – whether it’s about jobs, relationships, or personal achievements – it creates tension and breeds resentment.
I remember a friendship I once had where it felt like we were always vying for the upper hand. It was exhausting and ultimately destructive to our relationship.
In a true friendship, one person’s success should be a cause for celebration, not jealousy or competition. If you find yourself feeling like every accomplishment needs to be met with one better, take a step back. This could be a sign that the friendship is turning toxic.
Before we move on to the final sign, I want to invite you to follow me on Facebook at Tina Fey’s Love Connection. You’ll get all my latest articles and insights delivered right to your feed. Now, let’s get back to the list.
7) You’re not happy when you’re with them
This is a tough one to admit, but it’s also one of the most important signs to recognize. If you find that you’re consistently unhappy, uncomfortable, or anxious when you’re with your friend, it’s a clear signal that something isn’t right.
Friendships should bring joy, comfort, and a sense of belonging. When they instead bring stress, dread, or sadness, it’s time to take a hard look at why that is.
Maybe your friend has changed. Maybe you have changed. Or maybe the friendship has simply run its course. It’s not easy to confront these feelings, but it’s necessary if you want to maintain your emotional health.
Remember, it’s okay to outgrow a friendship. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that either of you are bad people. It just means that the relationship isn’t serving its purpose in your life anymore. And acknowledging that can be the first step towards healing and moving on.
Final thoughts
Friendships are a beautiful part of life, and it’s natural for them to evolve over time. Sometimes they grow stronger, and other times, they may start to fade. Recognizing the signs of a friendship falling apart can be hard, but it’s vital for your emotional health.
It’s okay to let go. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that either of you are bad people. It just means that the relationship isn’t serving its purpose in your life anymore.
To help you navigate these challenging times, I recommend this insightful video by Justin Brown about being single and lonely in a big city. His experience is not just about being single in a city but also applies to how we should approach our friendships and relationships.
Navigating friendships can be complicated, but remember, every end is also a new beginning. Keep learning, growing, and investing in relationships that bring positivity and growth into your life.
