Some people just love to push buttons. You know the type—always stirring the pot, getting under your skin, and somehow enjoying every second of it.
For years, I wondered why certain people seemed to thrive on making others uncomfortable. Was it just a bad habit? A personality flaw? Or was there something deeper going on?
As a psychology enthusiast and the founder of Hack Spirit, I’ve spent a lot of time exploring human behavior. And what I’ve found is that there are clear psychological traits that set these button-pushers apart.
In this article, we’ll dive into seven key traits of people who enjoy provoking others—and what makes them tick.
Let’s get started.
1) They lack emotional empathy
Some people can sense when you’re upset and respond with kindness. Others? Not so much.
One of the biggest traits of people who enjoy pushing buttons is a lack of emotional empathy.
They don’t truly feel what others are feeling, which makes it easy for them to provoke without guilt.
Instead of thinking, “How would this make someone feel?” they focus on their own amusement or sense of control.
This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re heartless—it just means they struggle to connect with other people’s emotions on a deep level.
And that disconnect allows them to push limits without hesitation.
If you’ve ever wondered why someone keeps poking at your insecurities despite seeing your frustration, this is likely why. They don’t feel the discomfort you’re feeling, so to them, it’s just a game.
2) They thrive on control
I once had a coworker who lived for getting under people’s skin. He’d make sly comments, poke fun at personal struggles, and then sit back with a smirk, watching the chaos unfold.
At first, I thought he was just naturally sarcastic. But over time, I realized there was something deeper going on—he craved control.
Pushing people’s buttons gave him a sense of power. If he could make someone react, it meant he was the one pulling the strings.
And for someone who probably felt powerless in other areas of his life, this was his way of gaining the upper hand.
Psychologist Alfred Adler once said, “The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”
That quote stuck with me because it reminded me that people’s actions often come from their own insecurities or struggles—ones we may never see.
For my coworker, stirring up drama wasn’t just a habit; it was a way to feel in control when life felt uncertain. And once I saw it for what it was, his words lost their power over me.
3) They disguise insults as “jokes”
I used to have a friend who always had something sarcastic to say. At first, I laughed along—after all, he was just joking, right?
But over time, I started noticing a pattern. His “jokes” always had a sting to them. If I shared an idea, he’d roll his eyes and say, “Oh wow, look at the next great philosopher.”
If I messed up something small, he’d chuckle and say, “Classic you.”
Whenever I called him out, he’d shrug and say, “Relax, I’m just messing with you.” And that was the trap—if I reacted, I looked too sensitive. If I stayed quiet, I let the insult slide.
People like this push buttons by hiding behind humor. They get to take a jab at you while keeping their hands clean.
But the truth is, if a joke consistently makes you feel small, it’s not a joke—it’s a tactic.
Eventually, I stopped laughing along and started setting boundaries. And once he realized his words weren’t getting under my skin anymore, he lost interest in trying.
4) They enjoy seeing others lose their cool
Have you ever met someone who seems to love making people snap? They’ll push and push, then act completely innocent when you finally react.
I once had a manager like this. He’d give vague instructions, set impossible deadlines, and then watch as people scrambled in frustration.
And the worst part? He never seemed stressed himself—he enjoyed the chaos.
Turns out, there’s actual research behind this kind of behavior.
A study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people with high levels of “everyday sadism”—meaning they take pleasure in others’ discomfort—actively seek out situations where they can provoke frustration or distress (Buckels, Jones & Paulhus, 2013).
In other words, some people truly get a kick out of watching others lose control.
Once I understood this, I changed how I responded to my manager’s tactics. Instead of getting visibly frustrated, I stayed calm and unbothered.
And just like that, his interest in messing with me faded. Because for people like him, if they can’t get a reaction, it’s no fun anymore.
5) They gaslight to avoid responsibility
One of the most frustrating traits of button-pushers is their ability to twist reality. They’ll say or do something hurtful, and when you call them out, they act like you’re the one imagining things.
I once had a relative who was a master at this. He’d make passive-aggressive comments, then deny ever saying them.
If I brought up something hurtful he did, he’d respond with, “You’re being too sensitive,” or “That never happened.”
This is classic gaslighting—a manipulation tactic designed to make you question your own reality. And unfortunately, it’s incredibly effective.
People who gaslight do it to dodge responsibility and keep control over a situation. If they can make you doubt yourself, they never have to admit they were wrong.
The key to dealing with this? Trust your own memory and instincts. If something felt off, it probably was.
Keeping a mental (or even written) record of patterns in their behavior helped me recognize what was happening—and stopped me from falling into their trap.
6) They exploit your insecurities
Some people have a gift for figuring out exactly what makes you feel vulnerable—and then using it against you.
I had a former friend who did this constantly. If I was feeling unsure about my career, he’d casually drop comments like, “Not everyone is meant to be successful, you know.”
If I mentioned wanting to get in better shape, he’d smirk and say, “At least you have a good personality.”
At first, I thought he was just being brutally honest. But over time, I realized these weren’t just harmless remarks—he was deliberately poking at my insecurities to knock me down a peg.
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
That quote hit me hard because I realized the only way to stop giving him power was to stop letting my insecurities define me.
Once I started owning who I was—flaws and all—his words lost their sting. Because when you truly accept yourself, no one can use your self-doubt as a weapon against you.
7) They’re often charming—at first
You’d think that people who love pushing buttons would be easy to spot—rude, aggressive, maybe even openly hostile.
But here’s the surprising part: many of them are actually charming when you first meet them.
I’ve met a few people like this in my life. They were funny, charismatic, and knew exactly how to make others feel special.
But once they got comfortable, the little digs started. The “jokes” at my expense, the subtle manipulation, the way they seemed to enjoy making others uncomfortable.
This isn’t a coincidence. Many button-pushers have strong social skills—they know how to draw people in before slowly testing boundaries.
And by the time you realize what’s happening, you’re already in their web.
So how do you protect yourself? Pay attention to consistency. Someone who is genuinely kind will be kind across different situations—not just when it benefits them.
If a person’s charm starts slipping into cruelty when they don’t get their way, take note. That’s not someone you need in your life.
Now that you know the traits of people who love pushing buttons, the real question is—how do you handle them?
The key is to not give them what they want. These people thrive on emotional reactions, so the less you engage, the less fun it is for them.
Stay calm, set clear boundaries, and don’t let them drag you into their game.
If someone constantly disrespects you or makes you feel small, don’t be afraid to distance yourself.
Protecting your peace is more important than keeping toxic people around.
At the end of the day, their behavior says more about them than it does about you.
And once you stop feeding into their tactics, they lose their power over you.
