Love.
A four-letter word with the power to transform lives.
For some, it’s a warm embrace that feels like home; for others, it’s an enigma—something yet to be fully understood.
There are many who may not have experienced what is often called true love.
But rather than judging, let’s explore these feelings and behaviors with curiosity, using insights from a relationship expert to reflect on what may be holding us back from experiencing love’s depth.
If you’re wondering what signs might suggest someone has yet to truly experience love, here are 7 traits that could offer insight.
1) Difficulty with empathy in relationships
One of the building blocks of lasting love is empathy—the ability to understand and share in the feelings of a partner.
Those who have experienced deep love develop a stronger sense of empathy because they’ve learned how to prioritize another’s emotions alongside their own.
For those who haven’t yet experienced this kind of connection, empathy may be hard to fully embrace.
They might struggle to connect emotionally with their partner, which can create distance and prevent deeper bonds from forming.
The absence of empathy might prevent relationships from evolving into something more meaningful than just surface-level connections.
2) Fear of commitment
Commitment can be daunting, especially when it involves opening your heart to someone else’s vulnerability.
However, true love inspires a natural desire to commit to a future together.
For example, take my friend John. He’s a great guy—funny, smart, and charismatic. He’s dated many people but never settled down with anyone. Every time his relationships start to get serious, he gets nervous and breaks it off.
He admitted to me once that he fears losing his freedom and individuality in a committed relationship. This fear of commitment has kept him from experiencing genuine love.
If you’ve ever felt this way, it might be worth considering whether your reluctance stems from fear or from never having experienced the depth of commitment that comes with true love. Everyone’s journey is different, and love will come when it feels right.
3) The search for perfection
Love means accepting someone completely, flaws and all. It’s about seeing beyond imperfections and valuing the person for who they truly are.
In genuine love, there’s an understanding that nobody is perfect, and it’s these very imperfections that make a partner unique and cherished.
As Sam Keen wisely put it, “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”
For those without deep love experience, an idealized view of relationships may prevail, shaped by movies, books, or social media.
This search for the “perfect” partner overlooks the reality that perfection doesn’t exist in love. True love embraces imperfections, understanding they are what make a relationship meaningful.
4) Misunderstanding of love and infatuation
Picture this: You meet someone new, and suddenly, it’s like fireworks are going off.
Your heart races every time you see them, and you can’t stop thinking about them. It’s exciting, thrilling, and a little bit overwhelming—all at once. It feels like love, but is it really?
People who have never truly been in love mistake infatuation for love. Infatuation is a passionate, intense feeling that typically occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It’s characterized by obsession, idealization, and physical attraction.
On the other hand, love is a deep emotional bond that develops over time and involves understanding, caring, and accepting the other person for who they are.
The cycle of hopping from one relationship to the next, chasing that initial thrill, can become all too familiar for someone who hasn’t felt true love.
This pursuit of intensity blinds them to the enduring, soul-deep connection that defines real love. Infatuation may spark love, but it’s the depth of genuine affection that truly makes love last.
5) Inability to express vulnerability
Psychology shows that expressing vulnerability is key to building close, meaningful relationships.
Imagine someone who finds it hard to open up, share their fears, or express their feelings. This could signal a lack of genuine emotional connection.
Vulnerability means allowing others to see you as you really are—flaws, quirks, emotions, and all.
It’s sharing your deepest thoughts with someone and trusting they won’t hurt you. People who have formed deep emotional bonds understand this vulnerability, having shared it with someone else.
However, some may struggle with this concept, seeing vulnerability as a weakness or fearing rejection. As a result, they keep their walls up and prevent others from seeing their true selves.
6) Constant comparison with others
Let’s consider someone who spends a lot of time scrolling through social media, coming across pictures of couples.
Each time they see these romantic posts, they can’t help but compare their own relationships to the seemingly perfect ones on screen. This constant comparison could signal that they’ve never experienced genuine love.
When you’re truly in love, there’s no need to compare your relationship to others.
You’re secure and content with your unique bond, understanding that every relationship has its challenges. What’s posted on social media is just a highlight reel, not the full story.
Those who have never known deep love might fall into the trap of comparison, feeling insecure or dissatisfied because their relationships don’t match the perfection they see online. This can cloud their ability to experience genuine love.
7) Lack of self-love
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance,” in the words of Oscar Wilde.
Struggling to accept and love who you are may reveal a deeper truth: you’ve never fully experienced the depth of love.
Real love starts from within. When you embrace yourself—flaws, quirks, and all—you unlock the ability to care for someone else with genuine devotion.
You learn to accept them, imperfections and all, and wish for their happiness as much as your own. This self-awareness is the foundation of deep, lasting love.
Yet, those who haven’t known true love may find self-love elusive. Overwhelmed by self-doubt or constant self-criticism, they can’t fully open their hearts to another, missing out on the profound connection that love brings.
The bottom line
Experiencing genuine love is a beautiful journey, marked by profound emotions and deep connections.
However, each journey is unique, and some may not have encountered this kind of love yet.
The traits mentioned above aren’t definitive proof, but they can offer insight into your own experiences or those of others.
It’s never too late to experience love, and every love story unfolds in its own time. Don’t rush—love arrives when you least expect it.
