When you stop chasing validation, you learn some harsh truths; when you stop begging to be the one picked, the world can seem a little colder, a little harsher.
That’s the thing about self-reliance.
But, oh boy, the lessons you learn—eight hard ones, to be exact.
This is my journey of learning those, and I hope it resonates with yours.
It’s a bumpy ride, but one worth taking.
Join me as I share the eight hard lessons I learned when I finally stopped begging to be chosen:
1) Rejection is not failure
When you stop begging to be chosen, the first brick wall you hit is rejection.
It stings, it burns, and it leaves a mark.
But here’s the thing: Rejection isn’t failure—in fact, it’s anything but.
It’s a sign of growth, it’s a sign of putting yourself out there and taking risks.
When you’re constantly seeking approval and striving to be chosen, rejection feels like the end of the world.
But when you step back and look at it from a different perspective, you realize it’s simply part of the journey.
Rejection is an opportunity to learn, to adapt, and to grow stronger.
It’s not a door slamming shut; it’s a stepping stone to something better.
When rejection comes knocking on your door, don’t run away from it.
2) Self-worth comes from within
When you stop seeking the validation of others, you quickly realize that your worth doesn’t come from being chosen—it comes from within.
I learned this firsthand: For years, I was stuck in a cycle of constantly seeking approval and validation from others—I would bend over backward to be noticed, to be chosen.
But the more I chased after it, the more elusive it became.
Then one day, I decided enough was enough.
I stopped begging to be chosen and started choosing myself—and that’s when everything changed, as I began to value my own opinions and trust my own judgment, appreciate my own strengths and accept my own weaknesses, and realized that I didn’t need anyone else to tell me I was good enough, because I knew it myself.
The more I chose myself, the more my self-worth grew.
It was no longer tied to what others thought of me, but what I thought of myself.
There is no greater feeling than knowing your worth comes from within, not from the approval of others.
3) Independence breeds resilience
When you let go of the need to be chosen, you start to become more independent.
With independence comes resilience.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks, to keep going in the face of adversity.
It’s a trait often associated with successful individuals across a wide range of fields.
In reality, resilience is quite common and can be nurtured in anyone—and that’s exactly what happens when you stop begging to be chosen: You become more resilient.
You learn to pick yourself up and dust yourself off when things don’t go your way; you learn to rely on yourself rather than others for your happiness and success.
Independence doesn’t just make you stronger; it makes you more resilient.
4) You define your own success
When you finally take a stand and stop begging to be chosen, you realize that success isn’t about being picked by others.
It’s about defining what success means to you and working towards it.
No longer do you chase after someone else’s idea of achievement.
Instead, you set your own goals, carve your own path, and celebrate your own victories.
Whether it’s starting your own business, learning a new skill, or simply finding balance in your life—success is a personal journey.
It’s about fulfilling your own potential, not living up to someone else’s expectations.
When you stop begging to be chosen, you become the author of your own success story—and there’s no greater achievement than that.
5) Life’s too short for comparison
When I stopped begging to be chosen, I learned a vital lesson: life is too short for comparison.
For the longest time, I used to compare myself to others.
I’d look at their achievements and feel like I was falling behind.
But the moment I stopped seeking others’ validation, I realized how exhausting and unproductive this was.
I began to understand that everyone is on their own unique journey, with different starting points and destinations.
Comparison only breeds discontentment and stifles personal growth.
Now, instead of comparing myself to others, I focus on my own progress.
I celebrate my small victories and learn from my setbacks.
Life is a race, but not against others—it’s a race against myself, striving to become a better version of who I was yesterday.
6) Vulnerability is strength
When you stop begging to be chosen and start choosing yourself, an interesting shift happens.
You become more comfortable with vulnerability.
We often view vulnerability as a weakness, something to be avoided—but it’s actually a sign of strength.
Being vulnerable means being honest about your feelings and thoughts.
It’s about accepting your flaws and asking for help when needed; it’s about being brave enough to show your true self, even if it means risking judgment or criticism.
Vulnerability takes courage, and it’s a powerful tool for building deeper connections with others.
When you’re comfortable with your own vulnerability, you create an environment where others feel safe to be vulnerable too.
As strange as it may sound, embracing vulnerability is actually one of the strongest things you can do.
It’s not about being chosen by others; it’s about choosing to be authentic and open, regardless of the outcome.
7) Solitude is not loneliness
When you stop begging to be chosen, you may find yourself spending more time alone.
But guess what? That’s not a bad thing.
Contrary to popular belief, solitude is not the same as loneliness.
Loneliness is a negative emotional state caused by a lack of connection or companionship; solitude, on the other hand, is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself.
Being alone gives you the chance to reflect, to recharge, and to become more self-aware.
It’s an opportunity to truly get in touch with your thoughts and feelings, and learn more about who you are.
When you enjoy your own company, you’re never truly alone.
8) You are enough
The most crucial lesson you learn when you stop begging to be chosen is this: You are enough.
Just as you are, with your strengths and flaws, with your achievements and failures, you are enough.
You don’t need anyone else’s validation or approval; you don’t need to be chosen by others to feel worthy.
Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth—it’s innate, inherent, and unchanging.
Let go of the need for external validation and choose yourself every day.
You, in your entirety, are more than enough.
Embrace your journey
As you navigate through these hard lessons, remember that this is your journey.
It’s messy, it’s unpredictable, and it’s full of twists and turns.
But it’s also rewarding, enlightening, and full of growth.
The moment you stop begging to be chosen and start choosing yourself, you embark on a path of self-discovery and self-acceptance.
Remember the words of the late Maya Angelou: “You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”
Embrace your journey, celebrate your victories, learn from your setbacks, and surround yourself with people who lift you up, not pull you down.
Most importantly, know that you are enough just as you are as your worth isn’t determined by whether others choose you or not.
