Not everyone in your life is there for the right reasons. Some people keep you around not because they genuinely care, but because you make them feel important.
These people thrive on attention, validation, and control—using you as a tool to boost their own ego rather than valuing you as an equal.
It can be subtle at first, but over time, you may start to feel drained, unappreciated, or even used.
Recognizing the signs early can save you from one-sided relationships that only take without giving back.
Here are eight red flags that someone is keeping you around for their own ego—and what to do about it.
1) They only reach out when they need something
Ever notice how some people only show up when they want a favor? They don’t check in just to see how you’re doing. They don’t celebrate your wins or support you when you’re struggling.
Instead, their messages always have a purpose—and that purpose benefits them.
Maybe they need a confidence boost, a listening ear, or even just someone to entertain them when they’re bored.
If someone only makes an effort when it serves their own interests, it’s a clear sign they’re not valuing you as a true friend or partner.
You’re just a convenient source of validation, not someone they genuinely care about.
2) They make everything about themselves
I once had a friend who somehow managed to turn every conversation back to herself. No matter what I was going through—good or bad—she would always find a way to one-up me or shift the focus.
If I was excited about a new opportunity, she’d remind me of something bigger and better she had done.
If I was struggling with something, she’d quickly mention how much worse her situation was.
At first, I brushed it off as just part of her personality. But over time, I realized she wasn’t interested in actually connecting—she just wanted an audience.
My role in the friendship wasn’t to share experiences, it was to boost her ego.
If someone constantly steers the conversation back to themselves and never shows real interest in you, chances are they’re only keeping you around to serve their own needs.
3) They give compliments that feel like insults
Some people have a way of giving compliments that don’t actually make you feel good. Instead of uplifting you, their words leave you second-guessing yourself.
Psychologists call this “negging“—a subtle form of manipulation where someone disguises criticism as a compliment to undermine your confidence.
For example, they might say, “I love how you don’t care what people think about your style,” or “You’re actually really smart for someone who didn’t go to college.”
These kinds of backhanded compliments aren’t accidental. They keep you seeking approval, making you more dependent on their validation.
If someone consistently makes you feel small while pretending to lift you up, they’re not in your life for the right reasons.
4) They don’t support you—unless it benefits them
Support in a healthy relationship goes both ways. But some people only show up for you when it makes them look good or serves their own interests.
Maybe they hype you up in public but criticize you in private. Or they only celebrate your success when they can take partial credit for it.
When you need them the most—whether it’s for advice, encouragement, or just someone to listen—they’re suddenly too busy.
True friends and partners want to see you succeed, even when there’s nothing in it for them.
If someone only offers support when they stand to gain something, they’re not invested in you—they’re invested in how you make them feel.
5) They make you feel like you’re never enough
Being around the right people should make you feel valued, appreciated, and accepted for who you are. But some people have a way of making you feel like no matter what you do, it’s never quite good enough.
They downplay your accomplishments, subtly criticize your choices, or always imply that you could be better—if only you tried harder, looked different, or acted a certain way.
Over time, this kind of treatment chips away at your confidence, making you feel like you have to constantly prove your worth just to stay in their life.
No one deserves to feel like they have to earn someone’s respect or affection. The right people will celebrate you for who you are, not keep moving the goalpost to feed their own ego.
6) They disappear when you need them most
It’s easy to be there for someone when everything is going well. But real relationships are tested in the moments that aren’t so easy—when life gets messy, when you’re struggling, when you need someone to lean on.
Some people only stick around for the good times. The moment you need real support, they pull away.
They stop responding, change the subject, or make excuses for why they can’t be there. And yet, when they’re the ones in need, they expect you to drop everything.
That kind of one-sided dynamic isn’t just unfair—it’s exhausting. You should never have to question whether someone will show up for you.
If they only want to share in your highs but vanish during your lows, they’re not keeping you around because they care. They’re keeping you around because it’s convenient for them.
7) They get jealous when you grow
The right people in your life will celebrate your growth, not resent it. But someone who only keeps you around to feed their ego might start acting distant, dismissive, or even critical when you begin to improve yourself.
Maybe you set new boundaries, take on an exciting opportunity, or simply become more confident—and suddenly, they’re not as supportive as they used to be.
Instead of cheering you on, they downplay your progress or make passive-aggressive comments.
That’s because your growth threatens their control. As long as you stay the same, they get to feel superior.
But the moment you start realizing your worth, they fear losing the power they had over you. And that says everything about them—not you.
8) You feel worse after spending time with them
The clearest sign that someone is only keeping you around for their own ego is how you feel when you’re with them—and even more importantly, how you feel after they leave.
Instead of feeling uplifted, supported, or valued, you walk away drained. Maybe it’s the subtle put-downs, the constant competition, or the way they make everything about themselves.
Whatever it is, something always feels off, even if you can’t put your finger on it.
Relationships—whether friendships, partnerships, or anything in between—shouldn’t leave you questioning your worth.
Pay attention to that feeling. It’s telling you everything you need to know.
Bottom line: Real connections don’t feel one-sided
Human relationships thrive on mutual respect, understanding, and care. When those elements are missing, what’s left often feels more like an obligation than a connection.
Psychologists have long studied the effects of one-sided relationships on mental health, and the findings are clear—constantly giving without receiving can lead to emotional exhaustion, lower self-esteem, and even anxiety or depression.
The people you keep in your life should add to it, not drain it. The right relationships will leave you feeling seen, appreciated, and supported—not like you’re constantly proving your worth.
If someone makes you feel like a tool for their validation rather than a person they genuinely value, it’s okay to walk away. Protecting your energy isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
