If you’ve ever been around a high-functioning narcissist, you know they can be charming and persuasive, making it easy to fall under their spell.
However, this charm can often be a front for manipulation, leaving you questioning your own thoughts and feelings.
High-functioning narcissism is a subtle form of narcissism. It is not a choice but a recognized psychological condition.
Being on the receiving end of a high-functioning narcissist’s manipulative behaviors can be challenging and confusing.
But don’t worry! Understanding the signs of manipulation can help you navigate through these tricky situations.
In this article, we’ll dive into 8 signs you’re being manipulated by a high-functioning narcissist, according to psychology.
1) They always take the credit but never the blame
The high-functioning narcissist in your life might be incredibly talented at taking credit for the work of others. They’re often the first ones to bask in the glory when things go well, even if their contribution was minimal.
However, when things go south, they are nowhere to be seen. They will quickly distance themselves from any failure or mishap, often shifting the blame onto others.
It’s a classic ‘win-win’ situation for them – they get all the praise and none of the criticism.
This behavior can make you feel overlooked and undervalued, especially when you’ve put in a lot of effort. It’s a subtle form of manipulation that can undermine your self-esteem and make you second guess your abilities and contributions.
That’s why it’s important to remember this: it’s not about you but about their need for constant admiration and validation.
This is simply one of their ways to keep you in their control, subtly manipulating your perceptions about yourself and them. Don’t let them define your worth or capabilities.
2) They’re remarkably generous
At first glance, a high-functioning narcissist’s generosity might seem like a positive trait. They might shower you with gifts, compliments, and attention, making you feel special and valued.
Unfortunately, there’s often a hidden agenda behind their acts of generosity, and sad to say, it’s not to make you feel good.
Rather, it’s about maintaining control and creating a sense of obligation. The gifts and compliments are often used as tools for manipulation. You might feel obliged to reciprocate their kindness or feel guilty for not meeting their expectations.
This pattern can make you feel indebted to them, trapping you in a cycle where you’re constantly trying to repay their ‘generosity’.
True generosity doesn’t come with strings attached. If it feels like there’s an unspoken expectation tied to their acts of kindness, it could be a sign of manipulation.
3) They never seem to listen
Another thing you should know about high-functioning narcissists is that they are often experts at the art of ‘pseudo-listening’.
They may give the appearance of being engaged in a conversation, but in reality, they are just waiting for their turn to speak, often shifting the topic back to themselves.
This is due to a phenomenon known as ‘narcissistic listening‘, where a person only listens for bits of information that they can use to turn the conversation back towards themselves or their interests.
Narcissists also have a tendency to dismiss or minimize your feelings or experiences, making you feel unheard or invalidated. This is another form of subtle manipulation – by making you feel insignificant, they can maintain the upper hand in the relationship.
Everyone deserves to be heard and validated. If you find yourself constantly struggling to get a word in or having your feelings dismissed, it could be a sign you’re dealing with a high-functioning narcissist.
4) They frequently play the victim
It’s not uncommon for a high-functioning narcissist to portray themselves as the victim. They might spin stories where they’ve been wronged or misunderstood, pulling at your heartstrings and eliciting sympathy.
While it’s natural for anyone to feel compassion towards someone who is seemingly going through a tough time, it’s important to remember that this can also be a form of manipulation.
By playing the victim, they can deflect any criticism or blame and make you feel guilty for holding them accountable.
Of course, it’s okay to be empathetic and understanding. But also remember that empathy should not come at the cost of your own well-being.
It’s perfectly okay — imperative, actually — to set boundaries and ensure that your feelings and needs are also being met in the relationship.
This brings me to the next point…
5) They refuse to take responsibility
One of the most frustrating characteristics of a high-functioning narcissist is their refusal to take responsibility for their actions.
As we’ve just established, they have an uncanny ability to shift blame and avoid facing the consequences of their behavior.
Whether it’s a minor mistake or a major mishap, they’ll always have an excuse or someone else to point the finger at. This can leave you feeling like you’re constantly on the defensive, trying to justify your actions or feelings.
But here’s the hard truth – it’s not your job to take on their burdens or fix their mistakes.
You have a right to hold them accountable for their actions, just as they should respect your boundaries and feelings.
6) They constantly need to be the center of attention
Have you ever been in a social situation where someone always seems to steer the conversation back to themselves?
This is a classic trait of a high-functioning narcissist. They crave the spotlight, and they’re not afraid to claim it.
From dominating conversations with their achievements and stories to frequently interrupting others, they ensure all eyes are on them.
They need their “narcissistic supply” — their unending need for attention, praise, reverence, envy, compliments, awards, and winning, according to The Center for Hope WNY.
And if for some reason they’re not getting the attention they believe they deserve, they might resort to dramatic or exaggerated behavior to bring it back.
This can leave you feeling drained, overlooked, and even embarrassed at times.
But once again, it’s not a reflection of your worth. As I mentioned earlier, everyone deserves a chance to shine and be heard. Don’t let their need for attention overshadow your own voice and value.
7) They often give backhanded compliments
You may have come across someone who has a knack for giving compliments that don’t really feel like compliments.
For example, they might say something like, “You’re really smart for someone who didn’t go to college,” or “Your job must be so easy, I wish I could just sit around all day.”
These are known as backhanded compliments, and they are a favorite tool of the high-functioning narcissist.
On the surface, they might seem like praise, but underneath, they carry an insidious message designed to undermine your self-esteem.
According to psychotherapist Erin Leonard, it’s the narcissist’s “covert attempt at making a person feel small while making himself or herself feel big.”
I’ve been on the receiving end of these subtle digs myself, and let me tell you, they can leave you feeling confused and hurt.
If you ever encounter this behavior, keep in mind that their words are more reflective of their insecurities than your worth. Their veiled insults should not influence or define how you see yourself.
8) They use gaslighting as a manipulation tool
Finally, let’s talk about gaslighting. This is a manipulative tactic that high-functioning narcissists often use to control and gain power over others.
They might twist the truth, deny reality, or create doubt in your mind about your own memories or perceptions.
For instance, if you confront them about something they did, they might say, “That never happened,” or “You’re just imagining things.”
The result? You begin feeling disoriented and vulnerable. You may even begin questioning your own sanity.
Don’t fall for it — trust your own instincts and experiences. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Don’t let anyone manipulate your reality or make you doubt your own judgment. You have the right to trust in yourself and your perceptions.
Conclusion
Manipulation by a high-functioning narcissist can be so subtle that you may not even realize it’s happening—until it’s too late.
These individuals appear charming, successful, and confident on the surface, but beneath that exterior lies a need for control and self-centeredness.
Hopefully, this article has given you some help with recognizing manipulation so you can protect yourself before it takes hold.
Ultimately, it’s about empowering you to make informed decisions. Remember, you deserve respect, honesty, and genuine care in your relationships.
