There’s a world of difference between being influenced and being manipulated.
Manipulation, unfortunately, is far from rare. It’s a covert plot to get someone to behave in a certain way while disguising true motives.
As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and relationship expert, I’ve seen it all. And believe me when I say, spotting a master manipulator isn’t always as easy as you’d think.
But fear not! I’m here to share with you eight signs that may suggest you’re dealing with one.
Let’s get started.
1) They play on your emotions
Manipulators are experts at emotional poker. They know exactly what card to play to make you feel a certain way.
They’re masters at detecting your weaknesses or insecurities and using them as their advantage. This could be anything from making you feel guilty when you’re not, to exaggerating situations to make you feel anxious or scared.
It’s like they have an uncanny ability to pull your emotional strings, making you dance to their tune without realizing it.
Take note of this. If someone consistently evokes strong emotions in you that make you act against your better judgment, you might be dealing with a manipulator.
2) They’re always playing the victim
We all know that one person who always seems to be at the center of drama, right?
In my experience, a common tactic manipulators use is to constantly play the victim. They paint themselves as the innocent party caught up in a whirlwind of misfortune, just to gain sympathy and control.
As the saying goes, “The devil’s greatest trick was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” – Charles Baudelaire. This quote perfectly illustrates how manipulators operate.
They convince you they’re the ones being wronged, shifting any blame off themselves and making you feel like the bad guy.
Manipulation can be so subtle that it’s like being in a foggy maze. Always remember to question the narrative if it seems too one-sided or if they are always the victim. That’s your route out of the maze.
3) They never take responsibility
Another red flag I’ve noticed in my years as a relationship expert is manipulators rarely, if ever, take responsibility for their actions.
They’re quick to pass the blame onto others, even for things clearly within their control. It’s never their fault.
Sound familiar? If so, you might want to take a step back and assess the situation.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into these patterns of behavior and provide practical advice on how to handle them.
Remember, accepting responsibility is a sign of maturity and integrity. If someone constantly shirks it, that’s a clear sign you’re dealing with a manipulator. Stay vigilant.
4) They’re overly charming… at first
This might sound surprising, but manipulators often come across as extremely charming initially.
Think about it. They need to draw you in, to gain your trust, and what better way than a dazzling personality?
They’ll shower you with compliments, make you feel special, and before you know it, you’re under their spell.
But here’s the catch. This charm usually fades away once they’ve got a strong hold on you. The ‘too good to be true’ person you initially met transforms into someone entirely different.
So, while it’s lovely to be charmed, remember the old saying: If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Keep your eyes open for this unexpected sign of manipulation.
5) They gaslight you
This one hits close to home, as I’ve seen it happen all too often.
The term ‘gaslighting’ refers to when someone manipulates you into doubting your own reality or sanity. It’s a cruel and incredibly effective tactic.
Imagine constantly being told that what you remember didn’t happen or that your feelings are irrational or wrong. Over time, you begin to question your own memory, perception, and even sanity.
If someone is always dismissing your experiences or feelings, take note. This is a classic sign of a master manipulator at work.
6) They use your kindness against you
Let’s be real here, folks. Manipulators know how to exploit your kindness.
They’ll prey on your empathy, using your compassion and understanding as a tool for their own needs. They make you feel like it’s your responsibility to make them happy or fix their problems.
It’s a cold, hard truth that some people will take advantage of your good nature. It’s not fair and it’s not right.
Being kind doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat. Always protect your boundaries and never let anyone guilt you into ignoring them.
7) They make you feel isolated
In my years of experience, I’ve seen how manipulators often try to isolate you from your support network.
They might subtly make negative comments about your friends or family, or create situations that make you choose between them and your loved ones. The goal is to make you feel alone and dependent on them.
As the great Maya Angelou once said, “Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.” Don’t let anyone extinguish your inner light by cutting you off from those who nourish it.
If you notice someone trying to isolate you, it’s time to rethink that relationship. Always remember, true love and friendship never demand choosing sides.
8) They’re inconsistent
Here’s the hard truth: manipulators are often inconsistent in their behavior.
One moment they’re sweet and loving, the next they’re cold and distant. This emotional rollercoaster is intentional, designed to keep you off balance and questioning your worth.
If you find yourself constantly confused by someone’s hot-and-cold behavior, it’s time to step back.
You deserve consistency, respect, and love, not a game of emotional tug-of-war. Remember, your worth is not determined by someone else’s inability to see it.
Conclusion
If you’ve noticed these signs in someone close to you, take a step back and reassess the situation. Remember, your self-worth should never be in someone else’s hands.
For more guidance on dealing with manipulative behavior and overcoming codependency, consider checking out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
In the end, always remember that you deserve respect, kindness, and consistency in your relationships. Don’t settle for anything less.
