I used to think selflessness was the ultimate virtue.
That if I bent over backward enough, stayed up late enough, and said “yes” often enough, I’d be seen as the perfect friend, partner, or colleague.
But here’s the problem with always being a “yes” person: eventually, you run out of yourself to give. You’re left depleted, resentful, and wondering why the world feels so heavy.
And then it hit me — sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for others is to take care of yourself first.
Whether it’s your mental health, your dreams, or your physical well-being, there are moments when putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s survival.
So let’s talk about those moments — the ones where choosing you is the most loving, life-affirming decision you can make.
Because if you’re going to keep showing up for everyone else, you have to show up for yourself, too.
1) When it comes to self-care
We often hear the term self-care but what does it really mean?
According to psychologists, self-care involves taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional health. It’s your way of acknowledging that you matter.
It’s easy to put others’ needs before our own. We do it all the time. But what happens when the well runs dry? Who’s going to take care of you then?
Self-care isn’t just spa days and vacations. True self-care is making sure we are functioning at our best and not running on empty.
That’s why in scenarios where self-care needs are at stake, you should always put yourself first. Not only does it ensure your wellbeing, but it also enables you to be there for others in a more meaningful way.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Put on your oxygen mask first before attempting to help others. Prioritizing self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.
2) When setting personal boundaries
Let me share a personal story with you.
I recall a time in my life when I was perpetually overworked and overwhelmed, trying to juggle the demands of my job, family, and friends.
One day, my boss asked me to take on yet another project. I was swamped, but I didn’t want to disappoint him or appear incapable. So I said yes.
What ensued was a period of relentless stress and little sleep. My health deteriorated, and I was barely keeping it together.
That’s when I realized the importance of setting personal boundaries.
Psychologists emphasize that setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining our mental health. It’s important to understand your limits and communicate them effectively to others.
In situations where your boundaries are being pushed or overlooked, it’s critical to put yourself first.
It might feel uncomfortable at first, but standing up for yourself is an act of self-respect and self-love. You deserve to be treated with the same respect and consideration you give to others.
So now, when I’m asked to take on more than I can handle, I politely decline or negotiate a more manageable workload. It hasn’t been easy, but it has made all the difference in my wellbeing.
3) When it’s about your core values
Core values act as our internal compass, guiding us in life.
They serve as our personal code of conduct and influence our attitudes and behaviors.
When situations arise that challenge your core values, it’s crucial to put yourself first.
Compromising your core values can lead to feelings of regret, dissatisfaction, and even an identity crisis.
Staying true to your core values might require tough decisions. You might need to walk away from a lucrative job offer that doesn’t align with your ethics or end a relationship that doesn’t respect your values.
But standing firm in your beliefs is a testament to your integrity. And that’s a quality that’s worth protecting.
4) When it impacts your mental health
Your mental health is paramount.
It’s the foundation of your overall wellbeing. It affects how you think, feel, and act. It also influences how you handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.
But often, we neglect our mental health in an attempt to meet other people’s expectations or to fit into societal norms.
In situations where your mental health is at stake, it’s important to prioritize yourself.
This could mean saying no to social events when you’re feeling overwhelmed or seeking professional help when things get tough.
It’s okay not to be okay. And it’s more than okay to put yourself first when it comes to preserving your mental health.
You owe it to yourself to make your wellbeing a priority.
5) When it comes to your dreams and aspirations
We all have dreams and aspirations that make our hearts flutter with excitement.
They’re the visions that keep us awake at night, the goals that ignite our passions, and the ambitions that give our lives direction and purpose.
But sometimes, we sideline these dreams to avoid rocking the boat or disappointing others. We conform to societal expectations or family pressures at the cost of our own happiness.
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s that your dreams matter. They are valid, and they are worth pursuing.
When situations arise that force you to choose between your dreams and pleasing others, always choose yourself.
It might be scary, and it might be hard, but remember – this is your life, your journey.
Your dreams are the heartbeat of your existence. Don’t let anyone or anything silence them. Put yourself first and chase those dreams with all your heart. Your future self will thank you for it.
6) When dealing with toxic relationships
There was a time when I was in a relationship that drained more energy from me than it gave.
It was filled with constant criticism, negativity, and a lack of respect. But I held on, thinking that things would eventually get better.
I was wrong.
According to psychology, toxic relationships, whether they’re with friends, family, or romantic partners, can take a serious toll on your emotional health and wellbeing.
They can leave you feeling drained, disrespected, and devalued.
The moment I decided to break free from that relationship was the moment I chose to put myself first.
And it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
In situations where you find yourself in a toxic relationship, it’s crucial to prioritize yourself.
It might be painful to let go, but remember, you deserve respect, love, and kindness. Don’t settle for anything less.
7) When it involves your physical health
We often take our physical health for granted until we’re faced with a crisis.
We push our bodies to their limits, neglecting rest, proper nutrition, and regular exercise in the pursuit of our goals.
But here’s the thing: your health is your wealth. Without it, everything else comes to a standstill.
When situations arise that compromise your physical health, it’s essential to put yourself first.
This could mean saying no to late-night work sessions, prioritizing regular exercise, or making time for regular medical check-ups.
Your body is the vehicle that carries you through life. Treat it with care and respect. Prioritize your health; it’s the best investment you’ll ever make.
8) When you need to grow and evolve
Personal growth and evolution are essential components of a fulfilling life.
Learning, expanding your horizons, and becoming the best version of yourself is essential.
But growth often requires stepping out of your comfort zone.
It might mean leaving a secure job to pursue a dream, moving to a new city for better opportunities, or ending a relationship that no longer serves you.
In situations that require personal growth, always put yourself first. It might be uncomfortable, even scary, but it’s in these moments of discomfort that we truly evolve.
You’re not being selfish by choosing growth. You’re honoring your potential and stepping into the person you’re meant to be. That’s the most empowering decision you can make.
Final thoughts
Balance — that elusive word we all chase. The sweet spot between giving to others and giving to yourself.
For years, I thought putting myself first meant letting someone else down. But the truth? Prioritizing yourself is the first step toward being the best version of you — for everyone in your life.
Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
And maybe that’s the secret. Putting yourself first is about accepting that you matter, your needs matter, and your boundaries are valid.
So here’s to saying no without guilt, chasing dreams without apologies, and taking care of your body and mind like they’re the most precious things you own — because they are.
The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for everything else. And when you nurture that relationship, you’re not just surviving — you’re thriving.
After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. So fill it up.
