Sometimes, the hardest people to read are those who act friendly to your face while harboring uneasy feelings beneath the surface.
You’ve probably come across individuals who give off this subtle vibe: they smile, they give quick compliments, and they might even invite you to the same social events, but there’s still something off.
It might be their tone, their body language, or a vague tension you can’t quite explain. In many cases, these are signs they feel threatened by you—even if they’d never admit it.
I’ve spent a lot of time studying human behavior (and, to be honest, stumbling through awkward social interactions myself).
Over the years, I’ve learned there can be more happening underneath pleasantries than meets the eye.
So, if you’re wondering whether someone genuinely likes you or just tolerates you because they’re intimidated by your presence, here are eight subtle signs to watch out for.
1. Their compliments seem a bit too forced
Have you ever received a compliment that felt like it was stuck in the speaker’s throat?
Maybe they praise your new project or outfit, but their tone is flat, and their expression doesn’t match the words.
This is often the first red flag.
Authentic compliments have a natural flow, like the person truly believes what they’re saying. On the other hand, forced compliments can feel rehearsed or robotic.
I recall an acquaintance who would dish out compliments in the most mechanical way possible, all while barely making eye contact. She’d say something nice and then almost immediately change the topic.
At first, I chalked it up to shyness, but later, I realized there was a deeper sense of unease whenever we interacted.
Her words sounded forced because she didn’t actually want to compliment me—she felt obligated to, likely because she saw me as competition rather than as a friend.
2. They’re quick to one-up you in conversations
Nothing says “I’m threatened by you” like the person who can’t wait to share their own achievement after you share yours.
Imagine you just got a promotion. You casually mention it, hoping for a quick “Congrats!”
Instead, they reply with something like, “That’s cool. I got a bigger promotion last month.”
Then they go on about the accolades they received, the bigger office they moved into, and how their boss took them to lunch. Your achievement becomes just an opening for them to showcase their own.
It’s natural for friends to trade updates and good news, but it’s different when someone repeatedly hijacks the conversation to highlight their achievements.
The folks at the American Psychological Association have highlighted that insecurity can manifest in the need to dominate conversations with personal accomplishments.
If a person feels threatened, they might constantly try to stay on top in these social “competitions,” hoping to remind you—and themselves—that they’re still a step ahead.
3. Their body language tells a different story
Words can be manipulated, but body language?
Not so much.
When someone is pretending to be cool with you but actually feels uneasy, you might catch them avoiding direct eye contact or subtly positioning themselves away from you. Or maybe their arms are frequently crossed in your presence, and they rarely relax their posture around you.
One time, a coworker who insisted he liked me would always keep a noticeable distance whenever I approached him, almost leaning away like I was an incoming threat.
Meanwhile, his words would be all sugary and sweet: “Hey, buddy! Great to see you.” But his feet were pointed away, and he looked ready to sprint out of the room.
It was a big clue that underneath his polite phrases, he felt some form of discomfort or intimidation.
4. They give backhanded “compliments” or subtle put-downs
Have you ever had someone compliment you in a way that leaves you feeling worse rather than better?
For instance, they might say, “You look great—for someone who doesn’t usually dress up.” Or “You’re really smart, but you definitely got lucky this time.”
These comments might not always be obvious insults, but they’re far from real praise.
I’ve mentioned this before in a previous post, but backhanded compliments are a form of passive-aggression that often stem from insecurity.
A person who feels threatened may want to bring you down a notch, but they also want to maintain the illusion of friendliness. So they’ll couch the barb in something that sounds vaguely nice on the surface.
It’s a sneaky way to express jealousy without outright saying, “I’m jealous.”
5. They avoid praising you publicly or showing genuine support
It’s one thing to give half-hearted praise in private.
It’s another when someone can’t muster any sign of support for you in public or on social media. This is a clear giveaway.
Let’s say you recently launched a creative project or shared some exciting news on your feed. Your genuine friends rush in with likes and comments.
But this particular person? Radio silence.
In person, they might say, “Oh, I saw your post—congrats,” but online, they’re nowhere to be found.
Daniel Goleman, who popularized the concept of emotional intelligence, emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in social dynamics. He argues that recognizing these subtle cues—like inconsistent support—helps us see relationships more clearly.
When someone consistently withholds public validation, it’s often a sign they don’t want to boost you in the eyes of others. They’re worried if they show too much support, it’ll only emphasize how well you’re doing compared to them.
6. They only show enthusiasm when you fail
Ever notice how someone is oddly excited to discuss the details of your slip-ups or failures?
That’s usually a pretty big indicator they feel safer when you’re down.
They might seem overly curious about the times you messed up at work, had a bad date, or got rejected from an opportunity.
They’ll ask probing questions, linger a bit too long on the negative details, and sometimes end with a seemingly sympathetic line like, “That’s too bad… but maybe it’s for the best.”
Genuine friends might be concerned about your well-being when you fail, but they usually switch into supportive mode rather than dwelling on your downfall.
Someone threatened by you, however, might see your missteps as evidence that you’re not as “perfect” as they fear.
It’s a momentary relief for them to realize you’re human. They might pretend sympathy, but deep down, they’re enjoying the moment more than they should.
7. They deflect or dismiss your achievements
Sometimes, it’s not about overshadowing you or ignoring you completely—it’s about diminishing what you’ve done.
For example, if you tell them you ran a marathon, they might respond with, “Oh, that’s nice. Those beginner courses are so much easier than real marathons.”
Or if you mention an award you received, they say, “That organization hands out awards to almost everyone.”
Growing up, I had a friend who did this constantly. If I mentioned something positive, he’d find a way to downplay it.
I remember telling him I’d been featured in a local newsletter, and his immediate response was, “That newsletter puts anyone on the front page if you just ask.”
At the time, I shrugged it off as his misguided sense of humor. But looking back, it’s clear he felt intimidated.
By trivializing my achievements, he was trying to keep me at a level that felt comfortable for him.
8. They keep the relationship surface-level
Finally, let’s talk about the type of person who never seems interested in forming a deeper connection.
They’ll talk small talk all day: the weather, a random TV show, or gossip about mutual acquaintances.
But when it comes to discussing personal goals, genuine struggles, or deeper life philosophies, they’re out of there.
A superficial relationship might feel pleasant on the surface—no big fights, no drama—but it lacks real substance.
When someone feels threatened by you, they often shy away from letting you see who they really are. They might worry you’ll judge their ambitions or overshadow them in some way.
Keeping things shallow is their safe zone. They get to maintain the charade of friendship without the risk of true vulnerability.
To sum up
In many social circles, people put on a friendly face while harboring unspoken insecurities or rivalries.
When someone feels threatened, it often shows up in these subtle behaviors: half-hearted compliments, one-upping tendencies, dismissive body language, and a reluctance to fully support you, especially in public.
You might sense it when they downplay your achievements or focus on your failures. It’s never a comfortable position to be in, especially if you value real, genuine connections.
That said, picking up on these signs isn’t about confrontation or labeling someone as a “frenemy” on the spot.
Understanding the deeper reasons—like their own fears or lack of self-confidence—can sometimes help you navigate the relationship with empathy.
Other times, it might be best to create some distance and surround yourself with people who offer genuine respect and support.
If you ever notice these behaviors coming from someone close to you, you don’t necessarily have to call them out. It might be enough to quietly acknowledge what’s happening and adjust your expectations accordingly.
After all, life’s too short to chase approval from folks who are stuck in their own insecurities. Stick to meaningful interactions with individuals who encourage your growth, and in return, do the same for them.
Keep on the up and up.
