If you’ve ever felt like your happiness is entirely dependent on your partner—or noticed that your relationship feels unbalanced and draining—you might be dealing with emotional codependency.
It’s easy to overlook, especially when you’re deeply invested in someone, but codependency can slowly chip away at your emotional well-being and create unhealthy patterns.
Whether it’s you or your partner exhibiting these behaviors, recognizing them early is crucial to breaking free and building a healthier, more independent relationship.
In this article, we’ll explore 8 things emotionally codependent people often do in a relationship, according to a psychologist.
Let’s dive into what emotional codependency looks like—and how you can take the first step toward healing.
1) Over-reliance on partner for emotional wellbeing
Navigating the emotional landscape can be a challenge, and it’s natural to lean on your partner for support. However, in emotionally codependent relationships, this leaning can become an over-reliance.
Emotionally codependent people often place the responsibility of their happiness, sadness, and every other emotion in between, squarely on their partner’s shoulders. They look to their partner to fill up their emotional cup, so to speak.
Psychologists point out that this excessive reliance on another person for emotional stability is a sign of codependency. It’s like outsourcing your emotional thermostat to someone else.
When we do this, we not only burden our partners with an impossible task (because nobody can make us happy or sad all the time), but we also rob ourselves of the chance to develop our own emotional resilience.
Awareness of this pattern is a significant step.
Understanding that our emotions are ours to manage can help us begin to shift from codependency towards healthier relational dynamics.
2) Difficulty in setting boundaries
Have you ever found it hard to say ‘no’, even when you really wanted to? If so, welcome to the club!
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen this time and time again – one of the biggest challenges for emotionally codependent people is setting and maintaining clear boundaries.
Imagine your relationship as a house. Boundaries are like the walls of that house. They help to define where one person ends and the other begins.
If the walls are too porous, it can lead to confusion and conflict. But if they’re too rigid, it can result in isolation and disconnect.
Emotionally codependent people often struggle with finding this balance.
They tend to either have extremely porous boundaries, leading them to feel responsible for their partner’s emotions, or rigid boundaries that keep them disconnected from their partner.
It’s okay to say ‘no’. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes. It’s okay to establish your own space. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding – and that includes respecting each other’s boundaries.
3) Fear of rejection and abandonment
A fear that I’ve seen to be incredibly common among emotionally codependent people is the fear of rejection and abandonment.
It’s a tough one, I get it. The thought of losing someone we deeply care about can be paralyzing.
This fear often manifests itself through:
- A constant need for reassurance from the partner
- An inability to be alone
- Staying in a relationship even when it’s unhealthy or abusive
It’s like an emotional tug-of-war where you’re scared to let go of the rope, even though holding onto it is causing you pain.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into strategies for confronting and overcoming these fears.
By understanding and addressing our deep-rooted fears, we can start to untangle the web of codependency and work towards healthier, more balanced relationships.
4) Excessive caretaking
Now, this might seem counterintuitive – isn’t caring for your partner a good thing?
Absolutely, it is! But like most things in life, it’s all about balance.
In emotionally codependent relationships, caring often tips over into excessive caretaking. It’s when you constantly put your partner’s needs ahead of your own to the point of self-neglect.
You might think you’re being selfless, but this type of behavior can actually be harmful to both you and your partner. It can lead to resentment in the long run and creates an unhealthy dependency.
It’s important to remember that it’s not your job to fix or save your partner. You each have your own journey and responsibilities.
Balanced care is a two-way street. It’s about supporting each other while still maintaining your individuality and self-care.
5) Struggle with self-identity
Self-identity is such a crucial aspect of our lives. It’s our sense of who we are and where we fit in the world. But for emotionally codependent people, it often gets tangled up in their relationship.
I’ve seen this time and again in my practice – people losing themselves in their relationships.
Their interests, hobbies, even their thoughts and feelings become so intertwined with their partner’s that they struggle to differentiate between what’s theirs and what’s their partner’s.
It’s like they’re looking at themselves through the lens of their relationship, rather than as unique individuals. This can lead to a sense of loss and confusion when the relationship ends or changes.
I’ve found that taking time for self-reflection and self-care can be incredibly helpful in rebuilding your sense of self.
- Explore your own interests
- Set personal goals
- Spend quality time alone
6) Denial and minimization
Let’s get real here. Denial and minimization are coping mechanisms that emotionally codependent people often use to deal with the painful reality of their situation.
They might tell themselves, “It’s not that bad,” or “They’ll change,” or even “I’m overreacting.”
It’s like wearing rose-colored glasses to avoid facing the harsh truths about their relationship.
But here’s the raw, honest truth: denial and minimization only prolong the pain. They keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns and prevent us from moving forward.
It takes courage to face reality as it is, especially when it’s painful. But it’s only by acknowledging the truth that we can begin to make changes.
It’s okay to seek help. You don’t have to do this alone. Professional counselling or support groups can provide valuable tools and resources to help you navigate through this process.
7) Difficulty expressing emotions
As someone who’s worked with emotionally codependent individuals for years, I’ve noticed that expressing emotions can be a major hurdle for many.
It’s like they’ve spent so much time focusing on their partner’s feelings that they’re unsure how to express their own.
Instead of communicating openly, they might suppress their feelings or express them in unhealthy ways, leading to misunderstanding and conflict.
Learning to express your emotions in a healthy way is a vital part of breaking free from emotional codependency. It might be uncomfortable at first, but with practice and patience, it becomes more natural.
8) Neglecting other relationships
Let’s not sugarcoat it. Emotionally codependent people often end up neglecting other significant relationships in their lives.
Friends, family, even their relationship with themselves can take a backseat while they’re consumed with their partner’s needs and emotions.
It’s like they’re in a tunnel, and their partner is the only light at the end of it.
But here’s the hard truth: a healthy relationship doesn’t cut you off from the rest of your world. It adds to your world.
Neglecting other relationships not only isolates you, but it also puts an enormous amount of pressure on your partner to be your everything. This isn’t healthy for either of you.
Reconnecting with friends, family, and yourself can be a powerful step towards breaking the cycle of emotional codependency.
A balanced life includes a variety of relationships and personal interests. You are more than just one relationship.
Conclusion
Emotional codependency can be a challenging cycle to break, but awareness is the first step. By recognizing these behaviors, we can start making changes towards healthier, more balanced relationships.
Remember, it’s okay to seek help and support in this journey. Our emotions, relationships, and self-identity are complex things to navigate alone.
For more insights and strategies on overcoming emotional codependency, I invite you to check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a practical guide that will provide you with tools to untangle the web of codependency and build healthier relationships.
