Navigating the dating world is like walking a tightrope. One wrong move can send you tumbling.
And trust me, as Tina Fey, the founder of the Love Connection blog and a seasoned relationship expert, I’ve seen many people make that tumble on their first dates.
The first date is your chance to make a lasting impression.
But sometimes, in our quest to impress, we overshare or reveal things that are better left unsaid.
So, what should you keep under wraps?
Here’s my list of 8 things you should never reveal about yourself on a first date.
But don’t forget—while it’s important to stay guarded, it’s equally vital to be genuine and let your true self shine through!
1) Past relationships
When it comes to first dates, there’s a bit of an unspoken rule: steer clear of the ex talk.
As a relationship expert, I can’t stress enough how important it is to keep past relationships in the past, especially when you’re trying to start something new.
Understandably, you might feel the need to explain your relationship history to your date. However, bringing up exes on a first date can unnecessarily complicate things.
It might give your date the impression that you’re not over your past or, even worse, that they’re in for potential drama.
Research from the American Psychological Association emphasizes that first impressions are formed quickly and tend to be lasting.
Discussing past relationships too early could overshadow your efforts to make a positive impression.
First dates are all about exploring new possibilities and getting to know each other better, not dwelling on what didn’t work out in the past.
Instead of discussing your exes, focus on who you are now and what you’re looking forward to in a future partner.
2) Financial woes
There’s an old saying by Benjamin Franklin that goes, “Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship.”
This wisdom rings true in many aspects of life, and first dates are no exception.
Discussing financial issues on a first date is a huge no-no.
The last thing you want is to come across as someone who’s not financially stable or worse, as a potential burden.
So, even if your finances are currently more ‘ramen-noodle’ than ‘steak-dinner’, it’s best to keep that information to yourself in the early stages of dating.
After all, your worth is not defined by your bank account.
When the time is right, and the relationship has developed a strong trust foundation, you can open up about your financial situation.
Until then, remember Ben Franklin’s wise words and avoid springing any unnecessary leaks on your ship!
3) Your desperate need for a relationship
Desperation is not attractive.
No one wants to feel like they’re just filling a void for someone else. On a first date, it’s crucial to avoid giving off vibes that scream “I need a relationship now!”
In my experience as a relationship expert and as outlined in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, it’s so important to approach dating from a place of self-love and self-sufficiency.
It’s essential to build a healthy relationship with yourself before seeking one with someone else.
By shifting your perspective to focus on personal growth rather than solely searching for a partner, you’ll find that your relationships become far more fulfilling.
4) Your love for them
This might seem obvious, but it’s not always the case—professing your love for someone on a first date can come across as a bit overwhelming.
It’s like trying to run before you can walk. Love is something that grows over time, nurtured by shared experiences and mutual understanding.
Once upon a time, I had a client who believed in love at first sight. On every first date, he’d confess his love hoping to sweep his date off their feet.
Unfortunately, this strategy often had the opposite effect, making him come across as insincere and even a tad creepy.
First dates are for getting to know each other, not for declaring undying love.
So even if you feel like you’ve found ‘the one’, hold your horses!
Give the relationship some time to develop naturally before dropping the L-bomb.
5) Your family drama
Everyone has their fair share of family drama. But a first date is not the time to air your family’s dirty laundry.
Personally, I have a colorful family that could rival any soap opera cast.
However, I learned early on in my dating life that sharing these stories on a first date can be off-putting for the other person.
Your date is there to get to know you, not your eccentric Aunt Mildred or your feuding parents.
Sharing too much family drama can make your life seem chaotic and unstable, which might not be the best first impression.
Save the family sagas for later dates when you’re both more comfortable with each other and can navigate these more personal discussions with care.
6) Your deepest insecurities
I’ve had my fair share of insecurities, from my appearance to my career choices.
But I’ve learned that a first date is not the time to delve into these. It’s not about hiding your flaws; it’s about knowing the right time to share them.
Sharing your deepest insecurities can put a lot of pressure on your date.
They might feel obligated to comfort you or worse, they could see it as a red flag.
It’s okay to show vulnerability in a relationship, but remember it’s a gradual process.
As your connection deepens over time, you’ll find the right moment to share these aspects of yourself.
Until then, let them see the confident, strong individual you are.
7) Your political stance
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen many promising first dates go down in flames over a heated political debate.
While it’s important to have your own convictions, a first date may not be the best time to go into a deep discussion about your political views.
The goal of a first date is to establish a connection, not to convert someone to your political party.
So save the political debates for later in your relationship when both of you are ready to navigate these conversations with respect and understanding.
8) Full life plan
Being a go-getter is great.
Having a meticulously planned life, complete with a timeline for marriage, kids, and retirement? That might be a bit too much information for a first date.
Let’s get real here: Life doesn’t always go according to plan.
Sharing your detailed life plan on a first date can make the other person feel like they’re just a character in your pre-written script, rather than a co-author in your shared story.
It can be intimidating and even off-putting.
It’s okay to share your dreams and aspirations, but try not to overwhelm your date with a rigid roadmap of your future.
Keep things open-ended and remember that it’s okay not to have everything figured out.
After all, some of the best moments in life come from the unexpected twists and turns.
Final thoughts
Navigating the world of dating can be tricky, but it doesn’t have to feel like a minefield.
By steering clear of these eight topics, you can make a positive impression and set the stage for future dates.
Most importantly, always stay genuine and true to yourself.
If you’re looking for more advice on building healthy relationships, I invite you to check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
It’s packed with insights and strategies to help you build strong, fulfilling connections.
Dating can be a wonderful journey of discovery – about others and yourself.
So relax, be yourself, and enjoy the ride. Happy dating!
