We’ve all been there: someone is clearly stressed out, and in a well-meaning attempt to help, we blurt out something that only makes the situation worse.
Maybe it’s “Relax, it’s not a big deal!” or “Just don’t stress about it!”—you know, the phrases that seem harmless in theory but land like a lead balloon.
Well, according to psych experts, these “helpful” comments are about as effective as telling someone to “stop being sad” when they’re crying.
Stress is a tricky beast, and the last thing a person under pressure needs is a well-intentioned, but totally unhelpful, comment.
So, in the spirit of saving you from awkward (and possibly relationship-damaging) moments, we’re diving into the 8 things you should never say to someone under stress—and why they’re more likely to make things worse than better.
1) “Just calm down”
Telling someone under stress to “just calm down” is a classic misstep.
It’s a phrase that’s often said with good intentions, but it can actually escalate the situation.
When you tell someone to calm down, it can come across as dismissive, invalidating their feelings.
It’s like saying their stress isn’t justified or real, which can make them feel misunderstood and isolated.
Stress is a natural human response, and sometimes we just need to let it out instead of suppressing it.
So instead of trying to quiet their stress, try acknowledging it.
Let them know that their feelings are valid and that it’s okay to feel stressed.
Understanding this will not only help you communicate more effectively but also be more supportive during tough times.
2) “Look on the bright side”
While it’s tempting to encourage a stressed person to see the positives in a situation, this phrase can sometimes do more harm than good.
When we’re stressed and someone tells us to “look on the bright side,” it can feel like they’re minimizing our struggles.
It’s as if they’re telling us that our problems aren’t important or serious enough.
Stress isn’t always about perspective.
It’s a genuine response to real challenges.
So instead of trying to sugarcoat their situation, try empathizing with them.
Acknowledge their struggles and let them know it’s okay to feel stressed.
Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is simply be there for them – supporting them without trying to fix or change their feelings.
3) “Everything happens for a reason”
This phrase is commonly used to provide comfort during stressful times.
However, it may not always have the intended effect.
When we’re under stress, our brains are already working overtime trying to make sense of what’s happening.
Telling someone that “everything happens for a reason” can add an extra layer of confusion and pressure.
They might start ruminating on the ‘why’ instead of focusing on how to cope with the situation.
Moreover, stress is often linked to situations that are out of our control.
By implying there’s a reason behind everything, it could inadvertently suggest that they had some control over the situation, adding guilt to their list of stressors.
What might be more helpful is acknowledging that some situations are just plain tough, and it’s okay if they don’t make sense right now.
Encouraging them to focus on self-care and resilience can be more beneficial in the long run.
4) “I know exactly how you feel”
It’s natural to want to relate to someone who’s stressed, to make them feel less alone.
However, saying “I know exactly how you feel” might not bring the comfort you’d hope for.
Each person’s stress is unique, shaped by their individual experiences, perceptions, and resilience.
So even if you’ve been in a similar situation, your feelings and responses may not mirror theirs.
Instead of assuming you understand their feelings, try opening up a conversation.
Ask them how they’re feeling, what they’re going through.
This shows that you’re there for them and ready to listen, without making assumptions about their experience.
5) “It could be worse”
We’ve all heard this before, and maybe even said it ourselves.
The intention is usually to provide perspective, but it can unintentionally minimize the person’s stress.
When someone is under stress, they’re already grappling with their situation.
Reminding them that it could be worse isn’t likely to reduce their stress; it might even add to it.
Instead of comparing their situation to something worse, try acknowledging their feelings and the difficulty of their situation.
A simple “That sounds really tough, I’m here for you” can go a long way in making them feel seen and supported.
We all have our own battles, and what might seem small to one person can be a mountain to another.
It’s important to remember this when trying to support someone under stress.
6) “Stress isn’t good for you”
While this statement is true, it’s not particularly helpful to hear when you’re in the midst of a stressful situation.
I remember a time when I was juggling a demanding job, family responsibilities, and personal issues.
A well-meaning friend told me, “You know, stress isn’t good for you.”
This comment, though accurate and well-intentioned, didn’t help. I was already aware of the negative effects of stress.
What I needed was understanding and support, not a reminder of the potential health risks.
Instead of pointing out the harmful effects of stress, it can be more helpful to offer your support or suggest constructive ways to cope with it.
A kind word or gesture can go a long way in helping someone manage their stress more effectively.
7) “You’re overreacting”
It’s important to remember that stress is a personal experience.
What might seem like an overreaction to one person might be a completely normal response for another.
Telling someone they’re overreacting can feel dismissive and judgmental, making them feel invalidated or misunderstood.
It’s like we’re telling them they don’t have the right to feel stressed about their situation.
It’s not our place to decide how someone else should feel.
Instead, try to understand where they’re coming from.
Even if you don’t fully grasp why they’re stressed, acknowledging their feelings and offering your support can be more beneficial than judging their reactions.
8) “You just need to relax”
This might seem like sound advice, but telling a stressed person to relax can actually increase their stress levels.
It’s a bit like telling a fish to climb a tree – it’s just not that simple.
Stress is a physiological and psychological response. It’s not something we can switch off at will.
If it were that easy, no one would experience stress.
What’s more helpful is encouraging them to find healthy and effective coping strategies.
Instead of brushing it off with a simple directive, suggest healthy and practical strategies that could help them feel more in control:
Helping them identify what works for them in the moment is far more valuable than assuming they can “just relax” when they’re in the thick of it.
Conclusion
Knowing what to say to someone under stress can be a delicate balance, and it’s okay if you don’t always get it right.
The important thing is that you’re there, offering your support.
Listen without judgment, validate their feelings, and let them know you’re there for them.
That’s the best way to support someone under stress.
Avoiding these 8 phrases is a simple way to show that you respect their feelings and are genuinely there for them, rather than adding to the pressure.
After all, stress is tough enough without being bombarded by unhelpful advice.
