Our upbringing deeply shapes how we navigate relationships.
Men who lacked healthy examples in childhood may unknowingly carry those patterns into their own partnerships.
It’s often not intentional, but a reflection of what they’ve been conditioned to see as “normal.”
This can show up as emotional unavailability, poor communication, or difficulty compromising.
In this article, we’ll explore 9 common behaviors men exhibit when they didn’t witness healthy relationships growing up, backed by psychological research:
1) They struggle with emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy can be a difficult concept for men who grew up without witnessing healthy relationships.
This isn’t necessarily about being ‘closed off’ or ‘unemotional’, but rather about a lack of understanding and practice in expressing emotions in a constructive and healthy way.
These men might find it challenging to share their feelings, fears, or hopes with their partner.
They may not be accustomed to discussing their inner thoughts and feelings, as they didn’t have the model of open emotional communication growing up.
This can manifest in different ways. For example, they might become uncomfortable or defensive when conversations steer towards emotions.
They might also struggle to provide emotional support when their partner is going through a tough time, simply because they’re unsure of how to navigate this territory.
2) They avoid conflict
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. It’s how we handle these disagreements that matter.
For men who haven’t seen healthy relationships while growing up, conflict might be something they’d rather avoid altogether.
This may come from witnessing volatile, unresolved arguments in their childhood and associating conflict with negativity or danger.
Hence, they might see any form of disagreement or argument as an indication of a failing relationship, when in reality, it’s a chance to communicate, understand, and grow together.
This avoidance can take many forms.
They may change the subject when a potential disagreement arises, agree with everything you say even when they don’t genuinely agree, or they simply shut down during arguments.
Healthy conflict resolution is key to growth and understanding in a relationship.
3) They overcompensate with grand gestures
Expressions of love and affection are vital in a relationship.
However, men who haven’t seen healthy relationships growing up might struggle with the day-to-day aspects of showing love, and instead, rely heavily on grand gestures.
These men might believe they need to make grand, romantic gestures to prove their love or to keep their partner happy.
This could be due to an ingrained belief that love has to be ‘won’ or ‘earned’, or that it’s about dramatic displays rather than consistent, nurturing behaviors.
While grand gestures can certainly be heartwarming and appreciated, the foundation of a strong relationship often lies in the small, everyday acts of love and kindness.
It’s the regular ‘I love you’s’, the shared laughter, the support during tough times, and the mutual respect and understanding that truly build a loving relationship.
4) They struggle with self-worth
This can be a painful truth to acknowledge, but it’s often a reality for men who grew up without healthy relationship models.
They may battle with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, wondering if they are ‘enough’ for their partner or deserving of love.
These feelings of low self-worth can stem from their childhood experiences.
If they’ve witnessed unhealthy relationships, they might have internalized the belief that they are destined to repeat the same patterns, or that they’re incapable of being in a healthy relationship.
This struggle can manifest in various ways – they might be overly critical of themselves, constantly seeking validation, or fearing rejection to the point where it affects their ability to connect with their partner.
5) They have difficulty trusting
Trust is the backbone of any relationship. However, for men who didn’t experience healthy relationships growing up, trusting others may feel like an uphill battle.
Childhood is a critical period for learning about trust and security, as explained in a study by the National Institutes of Health.
If their early experiences involved instability or unpredictability, it could lead to difficulties in trusting others in adulthood.
These men might be constantly on guard, anticipating betrayal or disappointment. They may question their partner’s actions or motives, even when there’s no cause for doubt.
This isn’t about being suspicious or paranoid. It’s a protective mechanism born out of past experiences.
With patience, understanding, and consistency, it is possible to build trust even if it wasn’t part of their early relationship models.
6) They struggle with setting boundaries
Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, yet they can be incredibly difficult to establish and maintain, especially for men who didn’t witness healthy relationships growing up.
They might have a hard time understanding what healthy boundaries look like, or they may fear setting boundaries will push their partner away.
They may find themselves constantly saying ‘yes’ when they want to say ‘no’, or putting their partner’s needs above their own to the point of self-neglect.
Learning to set and respect boundaries is a vital step towards healthier relationships.
7) They overthink everything
Overthinking can sometimes feel like a full-time job, especially for men who didn’t grow up around healthy relationships.
From interpreting text messages to replaying conversations in their heads, they may find themselves caught in a cycle of overanalysis.
They might constantly worry about saying the wrong thing, making a mistake, or somehow ruining the relationship.
This can stem from a fear of repeating past unhealthy patterns they witnessed growing up.
While it’s entirely human to worry and analyze, it’s important to remember not to let overthinking rob the joy and spontaneity of a relationship.
After all, relationships are about connection and enjoyment, not perfection. So while it’s good to be mindful, don’t forget to also let loose and have fun!
8) They may exhibit controlling behavior
This is a hard one to address, but it’s crucial to do so. Men who haven’t seen healthy relationships growing up may sometimes resort to controlling behavior in their own relationships.
It’s important to note that this isn’t about justifying this behavior, but understanding where it might come from.
They may attempt to control situations or their partner out of fear – fear of loss, fear of uncertainty, or fear of repeating the past.
However, no amount of fear excuses controlling behavior. It’s damaging and harmful, and it’s the antithesis of a healthy relationship which should be based on mutual respect and freedom.
9) They can change and grow
This is the most crucial point to remember. Men who didn’t witness healthy relationships growing up aren’t doomed to repeat the same patterns forever. Change is possible and growth can happen.
It takes self-awareness, effort, and often professional help, but these men can learn to build and maintain healthy relationships.
They can unlearn the harmful behaviors they’ve picked up and replace them with healthier ones.
It’s not an overnight process, but with patience, dedication, and compassion, they can break the cycle.
Understanding, not blaming
If you notice these behaviors in your partner, it can feel overwhelming, but this isn’t about blaming.
It’s about understanding where these patterns come from and starting the journey toward healthier relationships.
Recognizing the issue is the first step, followed by open communication and, if needed, professional guidance.
Men who grew up without healthy relationship models aren’t destined for unhealthy ones.
This article aims to bring awareness, not label or diagnose.
Growth is always possible, and both partners can evolve together.
Healthy relationships are achievable—and worth the effort, too!
