Have you ever wondered why, despite your best efforts, your friendships seem to fade over time?
Often, the issue isn’t bad luck or other people’s flaws—but something in our own behavior that’s unintentionally pushing them away.
Maintaining close friendships requires more than just showing up—it’s about understanding and nurturing the subtle dynamics that keep those connections strong.
In this article, we’ll dive into 9 subtle traits of people who struggle with holding onto friendships.
It’s time to look inward, because sometimes the key to stronger friendships starts with changing how we approach them.
1) They’re always right
Friendships are all about give and take.
But some people just don’t get it. They always believe they’re right, and everyone else is wrong.
This trait is one of the main reasons people struggle with maintaining close friendships. It’s hard to be friends with someone who never acknowledges their mistakes and always insists they’re right.
Think about it. Who wants to be around a person who never admits they’re wrong, even when it’s clear they are?
This behavior can push away even the closest of friends. It’s hard to maintain a friendship when one person dominates every decision and conversation with their ‘right’ opinion.
2) Lack of empathy
Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from their point of view. It’s a cornerstone of any successful relationship.
I personally experienced this with a friend I had known since high school. We were close, but over time, I noticed she lacked empathy.
Whenever I was going through a tough time, she would dismiss it and turn the conversation back to her problems. It felt like my feelings and experiences were unimportant, as if they barely registered on her radar.
This lack of empathy created a distance between us. It made me feel unvalued and unimportant, leading me to ultimately pull away from the friendship.
Lack of empathy makes it hard to maintain close relationships. You may not even realize it, but this single trait can significantly impact your friendships.
3) They’re unreliable
Consistency is key in any relationship. Unreliability, on the other hand, is a friendship killer.
Imagine planning a fun day out with a friend, only for them to cancel at the last minute – repeatedly. It’s frustrating and disrespectful.
According to a study published in Frontiers of Psychology, reliability is one of the major factors that determine the quality of a friendship.
Unreliable people are hard to trust and even harder to maintain close friendships with. If you notice this trait in yourself, this could be the root of why you’re struggling to maintain close bonds.
4) They’re overly self-centered
There’s a big difference between self-love and being self-centered, and understanding this distinction is key to maintaining healthy friendships.
A self-centered person tends to focus almost exclusively on their own needs, wants, and experiences, often disregarding or undervaluing those of others.
While it’s natural to talk about your own life and struggles, constantly making everything about yourself can lead to an imbalanced friendship.
In friendships, both parties should feel equally valued, listened to, and supported. But when one person consistently dominates conversations, dismisses their friend’s experiences, or shows little interest in what’s going on in their life, it creates a disconnect.
Over time, this one-sided dynamic can leave the other person feeling unimportant or drained, ultimately weakening the bond.
5) They keep score
Friendships are meant to be built on mutual trust, support, and understanding—not on keeping tabs or maintaining a scorecard.
However, some people treat their friendships like transactions, mentally tallying every favor given or received. They expect something in return for every act of kindness, whether it’s a small gesture or a larger sacrifice.
This “tit for tat” mentality can lead to an unhealthy dynamic, where the genuine spirit of giving and supporting each other is replaced by a sense of obligation or competition.
Over time, this transactional approach can create unnecessary tension in the friendship. Instead of enjoying the relationship, both people may feel like they’re constantly measuring who’s doing more or giving more.
It can feel draining, foster resentment, and ultimately diminish the genuine connection that should form the foundation of a strong, lasting friendship.
6) They struggle with forgiveness
Forgiveness is a powerful component of any strong relationship. It’s the glue that mends fractures and heals wounds in a friendship.
But some people struggle with this.
They hold onto grudges, letting past mistakes overshadow the present. This trait can turn minor conflicts into major fallouts, making it difficult to maintain close friendships.
If you’ve ever had a friend who simply couldn’t let go of a past mistake, you know how heartbreaking it can be. You find yourself walking on eggshells, afraid of repeating past errors and reigniting old conflicts.
A person who struggles with forgiveness might find it challenging to sustain meaningful friendships. It’s hard to be close to someone when there’s a cloud of unresolved issues hanging over your relationship.
7) They’re always negative
Positivity is like a magnet. It draws people in. Negativity, on the other hand, pushes them away.
I once had a friend who was constantly negative. Whether it was about her job, her relationships, or even the weather, she always saw the glass as half empty. Spending time with her started to feel draining rather than uplifting.
Her negativity began to affect my own mood and outlook on life. I found myself becoming more pessimistic and less happy.
It was a difficult decision, but for my own mental health, I had to distance myself from that friendship.
Negativity can be contagious and can take a toll on even the strongest of friendships.
8) They don’t respect boundaries
Respecting each other’s boundaries is a crucial aspect of any successful friendship.
However, some people just don’t understand this. They:
- Invade your personal space
- Demand too much of your time
- Disregard your feelings
A friend who doesn’t respect your boundaries can make you feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed. It can lead to feelings of resentment and may eventually strain the friendship.
9) They lack communication skills
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, especially friendships.
Someone could have all the best intentions in the world, but if they can’t effectively communicate them, misunderstandings can arise.
In close friendships, the ability to communicate openly and empathetically is essential to maintaining a strong connection.
A lack of effective communication can chip away at that bond over time, eroding trust and understanding—two key pillars that keep friendships flourishing.
Without the proper communication skills, it becomes difficult to resolve conflicts or share personal thoughts, leaving the friendship vulnerable to disconnection.
The takeaway: It’s about awareness
Maintaining close friendships requires more than just spending time together—it’s about being present, empathetic, and communicative.
If you recognize some of these traits in yourself, it’s never too late to make changes. By becoming more aware of behaviors like being overly self-centered, keeping score, or struggling with communication, you can start to shift how you approach relationships.
Building and sustaining strong friendships takes effort, but the rewards are worth it.
If you’re committed to growth, you can cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections that are truly fulfilling for both you and your friends.
