As humans, we all crave stability and consistency in our lives.
This is particularly true when it comes to employment and relationships—however, there are individuals who struggle to maintain either.
Studies in behavioral psychology have identified patterns that reveal why some men struggle to maintain both jobs and relationships.
Certain traits contribute to repeated failures in professional and personal spheres, acting as barriers to consistency and commitment.
This article delves into nine such traits, offering a look at the psychological roots of these issues and why they persist:
1) Lack of commitment
Commitment isn’t just about saying “I do” at the altar or signing a contract with an employer—it’s about a willingness to stick things out, even when they get tough.
Men who struggle to hold down a job or relationship often exhibit a lack of commitment.
This trait can manifest in various ways—they might be constantly hunting for the next best thing, unable to settle on a single career path or relationship.
They frequently change jobs, always chasing a higher salary or more exciting role.
Similarly, in relationships, they might avoid serious commitment, constantly looking for someone better.
This trait can also impact their friendships and family relationships, making it hard for them to maintain long-term connections.
2) Difficulty with emotional regulation
Emotional regulation is the ability to effectively manage and respond to an emotional experience.
It’s a critical skill that allows us to navigate challenging situations and maintain our mental health.
Men who can’t hold down a job or relationship often struggle with emotional regulation.
They may have intense emotional reactions to minor issues, and these reactions can be unpredictable, sudden, and extreme.
In a professional setting, this could look like becoming excessively angry over a small mistake or breaking down when given constructive criticism.
In a relationship, it might manifest as explosive arguments over trivial matters or an inability to handle conflict in a healthy way.
This difficulty with emotional regulation can create an unstable environment both at work and at home, making it hard for these individuals to maintain steady employment or a successful relationship.
3) Excessive ambition
Men with excessive ambition are always striving for more—a better job, a higher salary, a more impressive title.
While this drive can lead to success, it can also create instability.
They might leave jobs frequently in search of better opportunities, leading to a pattern of short-lived employment.
In relationships, this ambition can manifest as constant dissatisfaction.
They might always be looking for someone more attractive, more successful, or more interesting.
This constant longing for something better can make it difficult to maintain a stable, long-term relationship.
While ambition is generally deemed positive, when it becomes excessive and uncontrolled, it can lead to a cycle of instability and dissatisfaction in both work and personal life.
4) Fear of failure
Nobody likes to fail—it’s uncomfortable, embarrassing, and can shatter our self-confidence.
But for some men, the fear of failure is so intense that it sabotages their ability to hold down a job or maintain a relationship.
These men are terrified of making a mistake. In their jobs, this could mean they avoid taking on challenging tasks or responsibilities, limiting their growth and advancement.
They might pass up promotions or job opportunities out of fear they won’t be able to handle it.
In relationships, this fear can prevent them from fully opening up or committing to their partner.
They might avoid serious conversations about the future, worried that they’ll say something wrong or scare their partner away.
This fear of failure can paralyze them, preventing them from taking the risks necessary for personal and professional growth.
5) Struggles with self-worth
Everyone has moments of self-doubt, but for some men, these feelings are a constant companion.
These men struggle with a deep-seated sense of unworthiness, believing they don’t deserve success in their careers or happiness in their relationships.
At work, this lack of self-worth can make them feel like they’re constantly on the verge of being found out as a fraud, a psychological phenomenon known as ‘imposter syndrome‘.
They might underperform due to a belief that they’re not good enough, which can hinder their career progression.
In relationships, this low self-worth can manifest as a fear of rejection.
They might push their partners away out of fear that they will eventually be abandoned; they may also settle for less-than-ideal relationships because they believe they don’t deserve better.
6) Resistance to change
Change is a part of life; it’s how we grow, learn, and evolve.
But for some men, change is viewed as a threat rather than an opportunity.
These men are comfortable in their routines and patterns, even if they’re not particularly happy or fulfilled.
They might stick with a job they dislike because they’re afraid of the unknown, or cling to a relationship that’s not working out of fear of being alone.
This resistance to change can be incredibly limiting—it can prevent them from seeking new opportunities or taking steps to improve their situation.
They might miss out on a better job or a more fulfilling relationship simply because they’re too afraid to step out of their comfort zone.
7) Being a professional procrastinator
Everyone tends to put things off from time to time—but, for some men, procrastination is a way of life!
These guys are masters of the “I’ll do it later” mentality.
Whether it’s putting off a job application, delaying a crucial conversation with their partner, or constantly arriving late, their life is a series of postponements.
In the workplace, this can lead to missed deadlines and unfulfilled responsibilities.
In relationships, important discussions are delayed and problems are left unresolved, leading to mounting tension and dissatisfaction.
While it’s a light-hearted trait and can even appear charming in small doses, chronic procrastination can create significant hurdles in both professional and personal life.
8) Avoidance of responsibility
Reality check time: People have responsibilities, whether everyone likes it or not.
Some men, however, have a knack for dodging duties—be it at work or within a relationship.
These men may delegate tasks that they should be handling themselves or avoid taking ownership when things go wrong and they might shirk emotional responsibilities, like supporting their partner during tough times or failing to contribute to shared goals.
This constant avoidance of responsibility can create a lack of trust and respect in both professional and personal settings—this is all about standing up and being accountable when it counts.
9) Lack of communication skills
If there’s one thing to remember, it’s this: communication is key.
Whether at work or in a relationship, the ability to express thoughts, ideas, and feelings effectively is critical.
Men who struggle in these areas often lack strong communication skills.
They might avoid difficult conversations at work, leading to misunderstanding and conflict.
In relationships, they may fail to express their feelings clearly, leaving their partner feeling confused or neglected.
This lack of communication can create a barrier between them and their colleagues or partners, making it difficult to build strong, lasting relationships; improving communication skills can make a world of difference in all areas of life.
Final thoughts
If you’re dating someone with these traits, or recognize them in yourself, it can feel overwhelming.
But remember, no one is perfect, and we all have room to grow.
If you’re in a relationship with someone displaying these traits, have open conversations about your concerns, and consider seeking professional help.
If you recognize these traits in yourself, don’t despair—self-awareness is the first step toward change.
A therapist or psychologist can help guide you toward healthier behaviors.
Everyone deserves a fulfilling career and loving relationships; if you’re struggling, know that help is available and change is possible.
