A friend for the celebrations, a friend for late-night talks, a friend for when life doesn’t make sense—friendships fill countless roles in our lives.
But what about those who choose—or find themselves with—fewer close friendships? Do their lives look and feel different?
Psychologists reveal that people with smaller social circles often live by unique habits that shape their relationships and routines.
Whether it’s a preference for independence, a comfort with solitude, or a cautious approach to connection, these habits can tell us a lot about their world.
Here, we explore 9 distinct habits of those who walk a quieter path in friendship.
1) Cherishing solitude
Having fewer close friendships means you have more time to spend with yourself.
And this isn’t necessarily a negative thing.
In fact, it can be quite the opposite.
Henry David Thoreau once said, “I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.”
Take a moment to consider the great minds of our time – many of them were known for their solitary habits.
They used this quiet time for introspection, for creation, for unravelling the complexities of their thought processes.
Those with fewer close friendships value this alone time.
They feel recharged and revitalized in their own company, finding joy and comfort in their solitude.
This isn’t to say they don’t value relationships or human connections – they just have a unique balance which works perfectly for them.
2) Maintaining firm boundaries
Establishing and maintaining firm boundaries is a distinctive habit of individuals with fewer close friendships.
This trait is evident in how they manage their time, energy, and personal space.
These individuals are clear about their needs and unafraid to articulate them.
Examples of their boundary-setting behaviors include:
- Limiting social engagements: Attending only a few key events each month to prioritize meaningful gatherings.
- Communicating preferences: Preferring quieter environments and opting for intimate dinners over loud parties.
- Designating personal time: Setting aside specific moments for self-care and hobbies, free from interruptions.
- Saying no: Confidently declining last-minute plans that disrupt their schedule.
- Addressing discomfort: Openly expressing discomfort with certain conversation topics.
By advocating for their needs in these ways, they cultivate relationships that respect their boundaries and enhance their emotional well-being.
3) Being self-reliant
Life is up and down, and individuals with fewer close friendships navigate these fluctuations with a strong sense of self-reliance.
They feel comfortable handling challenges independently and rarely depend on others to solve their problems or make decisions.
This self-reliance doesn’t imply a refusal to accept help or a disregard for the value of others’ advice; rather, it highlights their ability to manage their lives and affairs autonomously.
Such self-sufficiency often stems from a deep sense of personal responsibility and a desire to maintain control over their circumstances.
While this habit may sometimes be perceived as aloofness, it actually reflects their confidence in their abilities and resourcefulness.
4) Intensely focusing on personal goals
Another characteristic of those who maintain a small circle of close friendships is their intense focus on personal goals.
They dedicate their energy to self-improvement and actively pursue their aspirations.
Whether they are building a successful career, exploring a passion, or dedicating themselves to personal growth, they display remarkable determination and commitment.
With a clear vision for their future, they aren’t hesitant to invest their time and effort into achieving it.
Ultimately, having fewer close friendships can be a conscious lifestyle choice rather than a source of loneliness.
By prioritizing their dreams and aspirations, these individuals can pursue their ambitions with unwavering determination, finding fulfillment in both their personal and professional lives.
5) High emotional intelligence
Contrary to what some may believe, people with fewer close friendships have high emotional intelligence.
They are able to understand and manage their own emotions, and can also empathize with the feelings of others.
These individuals are great listeners.
They can provide a comforting presence and a willing ear to those around them.
Because of their high emotional intelligence, they understand the value of meaningful interactions and choose to focus on quality over quantity in their relationships.
Don’t mistake their smaller social circle for lack of social skills.
Their high emotional intelligence allows them to cultivate deeper connections with the people they choose to let into their lives.
6) Cherishing the bonds they do have
When people have fewer close friendships, each relationship they do have is cherished deeply.
They value the bonds they share with their select group of friends and invest a lot of emotional energy into maintaining these relationships.
Their friendships are far from superficial.
They offer genuine support, love, and understanding.
These individuals are usually the ones you can count on to be there in times of need, to lend an ear when you need to vent, or to offer a shoulder to lean on in moments of distress.
Having fewer close friendships doesn’t mean they lack warmth or companionship.
In fact, it can mean they have more love and care to pour into the relationships that truly matter to them.
Their friendships aren’t about numbers but about heart-to-heart connections that stand the test of time.
7) Mindful of energy-draining relationships
There was a time in my life when I found myself surrounded by friendships that were more draining than fulfilling.
Constant drama, negativity, and stress seemed to be the norm.
Over time, I realized that these relationships were not contributing positively to my life.
They were taking a toll on my mental health. I made the difficult decision to step back from these friendships.
After all, as Jim Rohn reminds us, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” and I recognized that I needed to surround myself with more positive influences.
This is a common trait among people who don’t have many close friendships.
They are mindful of their energy and mental health.
They consciously steer clear of relationships that are emotionally taxing or energy-draining.
They understand that it’s okay to distance themselves from individuals who bring negativity into their lives.
This choice doesn’t stem from being cold or unfriendly; rather, it reflects their commitment to preserving their mental and emotional well-being.
While it might seem surprising, many individuals with fewer close friendships actually enjoy social situations.
They are not necessarily introverted or shy; they simply choose to have a smaller circle of close friends.
These individuals often engage in social activities, attend even
ts, and even enjoy the occasional party.
They have the ability to mingle and connect with others, and can be quite outgoing and friendly.
The key difference is that they don’t feel the need to form deep bonds with everyone they meet.
They are comfortable with their select group of close friends and prefer to keep their inner circle small and meaningful.
9) Embracing their uniqueness
The most striking characteristic of people with fewer close friendships is their embrace of their uniqueness.
They understand that their preference for deeper, fewer relationships isn’t indicative of a flaw; it’s simply a manifestation of who they are.
That there’s no right or wrong when it comes to the number of close friends one should have.
What matters most is the quality of these relationships and how they contribute to our happiness and well-being.
These individuals aren’t swayed by societal norms or pressures.
They march to the beat of their own drum, cherishing their unique approach to friendships.
This self-acceptance is not just empowering; it’s a testament to their strength and individuality.
Dr. Seuss captures this beautifully: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
Final thoughts
At the heart of human behavior and our interactions lies the fundamental aspect of choice.
Our personal decisions, shaped by our experiences, our DNA, and our unique personalities, steer us towards the paths we choose to tread in life.
The decision to have fewer close friendships is no different.
It’s a personal choice, driven by an individual’s unique perspective on relationships, their personal goals, or their comfort with solitude.
Psychologist Carl Rogers expressed, “The good life is a process, not a state of being.”
This reflects perfectly on those with fewer close friendships.
They are not stuck in a state of loneliness; instead, they are engaged in a continuous process of personal growth.
They’ve made a conscious choice to prioritize quality over quantity in their relationships.
For them, this leads to a fulfilling and contented life, filled with meaningful connections.
