Happiness can feel elusive sometimes. Life gets busy, stress piles up, and before we know it, we’re running on autopilot, wondering where our joy went.
If you can’t remember the last time you felt truly happy, it might not be a matter of external circumstances, but rather some habits that are quietly draining your happiness without you even realizing it.
The good news? You have the power to change that.
In this article, we’re going to dive into 10 common habits that may be robbing you of your joy—and it’s time to say goodbye to them.
Let’s take a closer look at what might be standing between you and the happiness you deserve.
1. Constantly comparing yourself to others
One of the quickest ways to lose sight of your happiness is by constantly comparing yourself to others.
Whether it’s scrolling through social media or measuring your success against a friend or coworker, comparisons leave you feeling inadequate and unfulfilled.
What we often forget is that everyone’s journey is different, and what we see on the surface rarely tells the whole story.
I used to fall into this trap myself, scrolling through Instagram and feeling like I was always behind.
But the truth is, comparing your life to someone else’s only creates unnecessary stress and steals the joy you already have.
Practical Tip: Limit your time on social media, or unfollow accounts that trigger comparisons. Focus on your own progress, no matter how small, and celebrate your wins. Remember, the only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
2. Holding on to grudges
Let’s be real—holding onto grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.
Unsuccessful people hold on to past wrongs, replaying the hurt over and over again, while the other person has likely moved on with their life.
The truth is, grudges don’t punish the other person—they only hurt you. Carrying that bitterness around weighs down your heart and drains any chance of happiness.
It might feel justified in the moment, but long-term, it keeps you stuck in anger and resentment, far away from the peace you deserve.
Practical Tip: Let go, not for them, but for you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior; it means freeing yourself from the emotional burden. Start small—practice letting go of one grudge at a time, and notice how much lighter you feel. Happiness can’t exist where bitterness lives.
3. Always saying “yes” to please others
People-pleasing might seem like the right thing to do, but it’s a surefire way to sacrifice your own happiness.
When you’re constantly saying “yes” to others just to avoid conflict or to be liked, you end up putting your own needs and well-being last.
I used to do this all the time, agreeing to things I didn’t want to do because I didn’t want to let anyone down.
But here’s the harsh reality: the more you say “yes” to everyone else, the more you say “no” to yourself. Over time, this leaves you feeling drained, resentful, and far from happy.
Practical Tip: Start practicing saying “no” without feeling guilty. It’s not selfish to prioritize your own needs—it’s necessary. Next time you’re asked to do something, pause and ask yourself, “Is this something I really want or need to do?” If the answer is no, be honest and decline. You’ll find that setting boundaries will actually lead to more happiness and respect in the long run.
4. Letting your ego drive the bus
One of the biggest obstacles to true happiness is letting your ego drive the bus.
When your ego is in charge, you find yourself constantly seeking validation, approval, and recognition from others.
You make decisions based on what will boost your image, rather than what will bring you peace or fulfillment.
The problem? Ego-driven actions rarely lead to lasting happiness. They might give you a temporary boost, but deep down, you’re still left feeling empty.
I’ve seen this firsthand, which is why I wrote Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How to Live with Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego.
In the book, I explore how shedding your ego not only leads to greater success but also brings deeper contentment. True happiness comes from within, not from feeding your ego.
Practical Tip: Start becoming more aware of when your ego is calling the shots. Ask yourself, “Am I doing this for genuine fulfillment, or just to look good in the eyes of others?” If it’s the latter, take a step back and focus on actions that align with your true values and inner peace. When you operate with less ego, you’ll find that happiness flows naturally.
5. Dwelling on the past
Living in the past is one of the most common habits that quietly robs people of happiness.
Whether it’s replaying old mistakes or holding onto memories of better times, dwelling on what’s already happened keeps you stuck in a place where you can’t change anything.
The harsh truth is that no matter how much you think about the past, it’s not going to change.
I used to do this myself—constantly going over situations I wished had gone differently. But all it did was keep me from enjoying the present and moving forward.
Practical Tip: Whenever you catch yourself dwelling on the past, gently remind yourself that the only moment you can control is right now. Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present—whether it’s through meditation, breathing exercises, or simply paying attention to your surroundings. Let the past be a lesson, not a prison. Happiness can only exist in the present moment.
6. Chasing happiness too hard
It sounds counterintuitive, but constantly chasing happiness can actually keep you from finding it.
Many people think that if they just do this one more thing—get a better job, buy a new car, or take that dream vacation—they’ll finally be happy.
But the more you chase it, the more elusive it becomes. Happiness isn’t something you can capture by running after it; it’s something that comes from within when you stop fixating on it. Ironic, right?
The harder you try to force happiness, the more it slips through your fingers, because true happiness is often found in the quiet, unplanned moments when you’re simply living your life.
Practical Tip: Instead of chasing happiness, focus on living in alignment with your values and enjoying the small moments. Do things that bring meaning, not just pleasure. The next time you find yourself obsessing over how to be happier, take a step back and focus on gratitude for what you already have. Let happiness come to you naturally, without pressure or expectations.
7. Surrounding yourself with negative people
Who you spend time with has a huge impact on your happiness. If you constantly surround yourself with negative people—those who complain, criticize, or drain your energy—it’s going to pull you down, too.
I’ve been there before, stuck in friendships that left me feeling exhausted or down on myself. It took me a while to realize that negativity is contagious.
When you’re always around people who focus on what’s wrong with life, it’s hard to find the joy in your own.
Practical Tip: Take a hard look at the people in your life. Are they lifting you up or bringing you down? If it’s the latter, start distancing yourself from negative influences. Seek out relationships with people who inspire, support, and encourage you. It might be tough to let go of certain connections, but your happiness is worth it. Surround yourself with positivity, and watch how much lighter and happier you’ll feel.
8. Living in fear of failure
Fear of failure is one of the most paralyzing habits that keeps people from being truly happy.
When you’re afraid to take risks or step out of your comfort zone because you might fail, you end up stuck in the same place, never growing or experiencing the joy that comes from new challenges.
The irony is that failure is often the very thing that leads to success and happiness in the long run.
As Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.”
Staying in a bubble of safety might protect you from failure, but it also keeps you from living fully.
Practical Tip: Start viewing failure as part of the process, not the end of the road. Every failure is a learning opportunity, a step toward eventual success. When you feel fear holding you back, remind yourself that even the most successful people failed many times before they got it right. Embrace the discomfort of failing—it’s a sign that you’re growing. Happiness comes not from avoiding failure, but from having the courage to keep moving forward despite it.
Conclusion
Happiness isn’t just about what you do—it’s also about what you let go of. If you’ve been feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or wondering where your joy has gone, it’s time to take a closer look at the habits that might be holding you back.
The truth is, happiness doesn’t always come from adding more to your life. Often, it comes from subtracting the things that weigh you down.
The insight here? True happiness isn’t found in constantly seeking more—it’s in simplifying, letting go of toxic habits, and embracing the present moment.
When you free yourself from these limiting behaviors, you create space for joy, peace, and fulfillment to enter your life naturally. The choice is yours—what are you ready to let go of today?
