Being a successful conversationalist goes beyond just talking; it involves understanding conversation dynamics.
Poor social skills often result in missing these dynamics and making conversational mistakes.
The problem? They aren’t even aware they’re making these mistakes.
Let me share with you 7 common conversational gaffes that people with poor social skills often make—without even realizing it:
1) Dominating the conversation
In the realm of social interaction, there’s a fine line between being engaging and dominating the conversation.
Individuals with poor social skills often cross this line without realizing it. They turn a two-way street into a one-way expressway, leaving their conversation partner stranded on the sidelines.
Part of the art of conversation is understanding when to talk and when to listen. It’s about striking a balance. But for those who struggle socially, they often monopolize the dialogue, bulldozing over the other person’s opportunity to speak.
The result? The other person feels unheard and unimportant, leading to a breakdown in communication.
The solution is simple yet challenging: listen more, talk less!
This is a big one, and it’s a mistake I’ve made myself, more times than I’d like to admit.
I remember a time when I was at a networking event. I was talking to someone about a book I’d recently read. I was so engrossed in sharing my thoughts about the book that I failed to notice the glazed-over look in the other person’s eyes. They were politely nodding, but I later realized they weren’t interested in the topic at all.
Social cues are subtle signals that people send out during conversations. They can be verbal or non-verbal and can include things like body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice.
For those with poor social skills, these cues can be difficult to pick up on. This leads to situations where they may continue talking about a topic even when the other person has lost interest, or they may not realize when someone is uncomfortable or eager to change the subject.
Learning to read and respond to these cues is crucial in becoming a better conversationalist!
3) Interrupting constantly
Nobody likes to be interrupted, and yet, it’s a common conversational faux pas committed by those with poor social skills.
In an article posted on The Atlantic, researchers found that the average person only waits about 200 milliseconds before responding when someone else is speaking. That’s quicker than a blink of an eye! It’s no wonder interruptions are so common.
Constant interruptions can be frustrating for the person being spoken over. They can feel disrespected and undervalued, which leads to a breakdown in effective communication.
Improving this aspect of conversation requires patience and practice. It involves consciously making an effort to allow others to finish their thoughts before responding.
4) Neglecting body language
Communication is not just verbal, it’s also physical. Our body language speaks volumes about our feelings and attitudes, sometimes even more than our words do.
People with poor social skills often neglect this aspect of communication. They may not realize that their crossed arms, lack of eye contact, or constant fidgeting can send out signals of disinterest or discomfort.
On the flip side, they might also fail to interpret the body language of others. They might miss cues that someone is bored, uncomfortable or eager to leave the conversation.
Improving body language involves becoming more aware of our own physical behaviors and learning to read the signals others are sending.
5) Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact can be a tricky thing. Too little, and you come across as disinterested or even dishonest. Too much, and you can seem overly intense or intimidating.
I learned this lesson the hard way during a job interview. I was so nervous that I kept my gaze fixed on the table for most of the conversation. Later, a friend who worked at the company told me that the interviewer had found my lack of eye contact off-putting.
Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication that can establish connection and show attentiveness. But those with poor social skills often struggle with it. They either avoid it entirely or maintain it to an uncomfortable extent.
It’s about finding the right balance – not too little, not too much. Just enough to show that you’re present and engaged.
6) Over-sharing personal information
We’ve all been in conversations where someone shares too much too soon. It can be uncomfortable and off-putting.
Those with poor social skills often struggle with understanding the boundaries of what’s appropriate to share in a conversation. They might divulge deeply personal or sensitive information early on in a relationship, or share intimate details with casual acquaintances or even strangers.
This over-sharing can make others feel uncomfortable and can also create an imbalance in the relationship. It can make the other person feel pressured to reciprocate by sharing their own personal details before they’re ready.
It’s about respecting boundaries and building trust gradually, rather than laying everything out on the table all at once.
7) Failing to show empathy
At the heart of every great conversation is empathy. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Yet, those with poor social skills often miss this critical component.
They may focus solely on their own thoughts and feelings, neglecting to consider the perspective of the other person. They may dismiss or disregard the other person’s experiences or emotions, making them feel unheard or unimportant.
Empathy is not just about listening, it’s about truly hearing – understanding the emotions behind the words. It’s about validating the other person’s feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them.
Final reflection: It’s a journey
Human interaction is a nuanced dance, offering opportunities to connect and grow.
Those with poor social skills may stumble, but with practice, they can improve; each conversation is a chance to listen, respond thoughtfully, and empathize more deeply.
The philosopher Socrates once said, “Speak so that I may see you.”
Our conversations reveal who we are—our thoughts, our feelings, our values. They are a mirror into our soul.
Next time you’re in a conversation, reflect on your approach: Are you making mistakes? Consider how you can improve!
Enhancing social skills is about learning to engage well with others in the dance of life—doing all this brings you one step closer to becoming a better conversationalist and, ultimately, a better human being.
