I often marvel at the power of self-perception. How we view ourselves profoundly impacts how we navigate our lives.
But here’s a puzzler for you.
Do you ever wonder why certain patterns in your life keep repeating themselves? Or why you feel stuck in certain areas, unable to make the progress you desire?
Here’s a gentle nudge towards self-discovery.
Sometimes, these recurring patterns or feelings of stagnation could be subtle signs of low self-esteem. Yes, even when we think we’re holding our heads high, our actions may reveal a different story.
In this article, I’ll uncover ten things you might be doing unconsciously, that could hint at lower self-esteem than you believe you have.
The purpose? Not to point fingers or make you feel bad, but to help you become aware of these patterns, so you can break free and step into your full potential. Let’s embark on this journey of self-exploration together.
1. You’re a chronic people-pleaser
Let’s start with a common one – the constant need to please others.
Does the thought of saying “no” make you uncomfortable? Do you find yourself going out of your way to accommodate others, sometimes at the expense of your own needs or values?
This can be a sign of low self-esteem.
You might be doing this because deep down, you’re afraid of rejection. You might worry that if you don’t keep everyone happy, they might not like you anymore. Or perhaps you feel that your worth is tied to how useful or accommodating you are to others.
Here’s an empowering thought – your worth is not determined by other people’s opinions or expectations. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs. It’s okay to set boundaries.
Remember, every time you say yes to something you don’t want, you’re saying no to something you do want. It’s time to start valuing yourself and making decisions that align with your own needs and values.
2. You’re always comparing yourself to others
Picture this.
You’re scrolling through social media, and you come across a friend’s post about their latest achievement or adventure. Instead of feeling happy for them, you feel a pang of insecurity or inadequacy.
Sound familiar?
I remember when I started my entrepreneurial journey with Ideapod and The Vessel. I was constantly looking at what others in my field were doing. How successful they were, how much they had achieved. It felt like a constant race, and it was exhausting.
But over time, I realized something crucial – that comparison was not only draining my energy but also dimming my unique light. It was pulling me away from my authentic path and creativity – the very essence of who I am.
The truth is, each one of us is on a unique journey. Comparing ourselves to others is like comparing apples to oranges. It’s not only futile but also devalues our own unique experiences, achievements, and growth.
When we stop comparing and start appreciating our own journey with all its ups and downs, we create space for true self-esteem to flourish. We begin to value ourselves for who we are, not how we stack up against others.
3. You’re holding onto past failures
Let’s get real here.
Failure is a part of life. It’s a stepping stone to success, a learning opportunity, and even a catalyst for growth. But what happens when past failures become chains that bind us, preventing us from moving forward?
If you find yourself constantly replaying past mistakes, dwelling on what you could have done differently, or allowing past failures to define your worth, then this might be a sign of low self-esteem.
Here’s the thing.
Every single one of us stumbles and falls. Yes, even those who seem to have it all together. The key difference lies in how we handle these setbacks.
When we view these experiences not as indicators of our worth but as opportunities for growth and learning, we cultivate resilience. We free ourselves from the shackles of past regrets and open up to new possibilities.
4. You constantly seek validation from others
Here’s a tough one, and it may hit home for many of us.
Are you constantly seeking recognition from others to feel good about yourself? Do you find yourself making decisions based on what you think others will think or say?
This constant need for validation from others could be an indicator of low self-esteem.
You see, when we rely on external validation to feel worthy, we give our power away. Our self-worth becomes dependent on other people’s opinions, which are unpredictable and out of our control.
But here’s the good news.
We have the power to take back control of our self-esteem. And a big part of that journey is about shifting our focus from external validation to internal validation.
This is something I delve deeper into in one of my videos, where I explore how to give up on being a ‘good person’ and the surprising benefits it can bring to our lives:
In this video, I emphasize the importance of fostering self-awareness, critical self-reflection, and a more genuine approach to life and relationships. By letting go of the need to be seen as ‘good’, we can potentially experience greater personal freedom, improved relationships, and a more authentic way of engaging with the world.
If you resonate with the insights shared in the video and want to dive deeper into living a life of purpose and freedom, feel free to explore more here.
5. You’re avoiding tough conversations
Let’s dive into something we often shy away from – tough conversations.
Do you find yourself avoiding difficult discussions? Whether it’s setting boundaries, expressing dissatisfaction, or addressing conflicts, if you’re always steering clear of these uncomfortable situations, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.
I understand. It’s not easy to put ourselves in situations where we risk disagreement or disapproval. It’s much simpler to brush things under the rug and maintain the status quo. But here’s the brutal truth – avoidance doesn’t solve problems, it only delays them.
What’s more, avoiding tough conversations means we’re not standing up for ourselves or our values. It means we’re willing to compromise our truth for the sake of comfort or approval.
The path to personal freedom and resilience lies in taking full responsibility for our lives. And that includes having those difficult conversations. It’s about embracing the discomfort, expressing our feelings honestly and assertively, and respecting our own needs and boundaries.
6. You’re excessively self-critical
Self-criticism – it’s something many of us are all too familiar with.
Are you always hard on yourself? Do you find yourself dwelling on your shortcomings more than celebrating your achievements?
While a healthy amount of self-criticism can be beneficial for personal growth, excessive self-criticism can be detrimental to our self-esteem.
You see, studies show that people who engage in high levels of self-criticism often have a higher risk of depression and anxiety. It’s a habit that can keep us stuck in a cycle of negativity and self-doubt.
The key to breaking this cycle is to cultivate self-compassion. It’s about acknowledging our flaws without letting them define our worth. It’s about embracing ourselves, imperfections and all, and recognizing that it’s our humanity, not our perfection, that truly defines us.
After all, we are all works in progress. Let’s treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we extend to others.
7. You’re not setting boundaries
Here’s something that can be challenging, yet is immensely crucial – setting boundaries.
Do you often find it hard to say no? Do you let others cross your personal or professional boundaries, because you fear confrontation or disapproval?
If this resonates with you, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.
Setting boundaries is not about being selfish or unkind. It’s about valuing your own time, energy, and space. It’s about respecting yourself enough to make choices that align with your needs and values.
When we fail to set boundaries, we might end up feeling overwhelmed, resentful, or even exploited. On the contrary, setting healthy boundaries can lead to improved relationships, increased self-confidence, and a stronger sense of self-worth.
Remember, it’s completely okay to prioritize your well-being. You are worthy of respect, and setting boundaries is a clear way of communicating that.
8. You’re downplaying your achievements
Let’s confront a habit many of us are guilty of – downplaying our achievements.
Do you often brush off compliments? Do you find it hard to acknowledge your own successes without adding a “but” or attributing it to luck?
This could be another subtle sign of low self-esteem.
Here’s the thing.
Acknowledging our accomplishments is not about bragging or seeking validation. It’s about recognizing our efforts, celebrating our progress, and boosting our confidence.
When we downplay our achievements, we’re essentially telling ourselves that we’re not good enough or that our efforts don’t matter. This can lead to a negative cycle of self-doubt and diminished self-esteem.
So next time you achieve something, no matter how small it may seem, take a moment to acknowledge it. Celebrate your progress and embrace the confidence that comes with it.
9. You’re overthinking and worrying excessively about the future
This one is a bit tricky – overthinking and worrying excessively about the future.
Do you often find yourself stuck in a loop of “what ifs”? Do you spend more time worrying about potential problems than living in the present?
If this sounds like you, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.
Overthinking often stems from fear – fear of making mistakes, fear of failure, or even fear of success. It’s a way of trying to control the uncontrollable, which leads to anxiety and stress.
The key to overcoming this habit is to cultivate mindfulness and resilience. Mindfulness helps us stay present and reduces anxiety, while resilience empowers us to face challenges without being paralyzed by fear.
10. You’re neglecting your own needs
Finally, let’s talk about one habit that often goes unnoticed – neglecting our own needs.
Do you often prioritize others’ needs over your own? Do you neglect your physical, emotional, or mental well-being because you’re too busy taking care of others?
If this resonates with you, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.
When we neglect our own needs, we’re sending ourselves a message that we’re not important. This can lead to burnout, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth.
Prioritizing self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary for our well-being. When we take care of ourselves, we are better able to care for others and contribute positively to the world.
Stepping into your authentic self
If you find yourself identifying with these signs, it’s possible that low self-esteem has been lurking in the shadows of your life.
But here’s the powerful truth – you are not bound by these patterns.
With self-awareness and a conscious effort, these tendencies can be transformed from obstacles into opportunities for growth. The key lies in recognizing these patterns and making the choice to approach life differently.
Begin by observing your daily interactions and decisions. Notice when you’re excessively critical of yourself, when you’re avoiding important conversations, or when you’re neglecting your own needs for the sake of pleasing others.
Once you are aware of these patterns, it becomes easier to catch yourself in the act and hit pause.
Ask yourself – am I truly honoring my needs? Am I aligning with my deepest values? Am I expressing my true feelings or merely trying to fit into someone else’s expectations?
Changing deep-seated habits takes time and patience. But with each small step towards authenticity, you will be building self-esteem and cultivating a healthier relationship with yourself.
In this journey of self-discovery and personal growth, I’ve created a tool that could serve as a powerful ally – the Wake-Up Call. It’s based on my extensive library of online courses and YouTube videos, and it’s designed to provide unique insights tailored to your individual journey.
All it takes is a question about an aspect of your life that you’re struggling with, or simply curious about. The Wake-Up Call uses this information to deliver impactful advice designed to help you shift from feeling stuck to moving forward with confidence and clarity.
So if you’re ready for a wake-up call, ready to embrace your authentic self, and ready to step into your personal power, I invite you to try out this free tool. Let’s take these steps together towards a life lived with authenticity and self-esteem.
