In my journey through life and relationships, I’ve come to realize how we often allow mind games to sabotage the very love we seek.
It’s easy to fall into the trap. We’re conditioned to believe that love should be a struggle, a constant game of push-and-pull. We convince ourselves that these games are necessary for maintaining interest, for keeping the spark alive.
I’ve been there, wrestling with these misconceptions, until it dawned on me – these mind games are nothing but barriers. They hinder communication, damage trust, and ultimately, strain relationships.
Here are seven such mind games you need to stop playing in your relationship if you truly want it to last.
1) Assuming they know what you’re thinking
One of the most damaging mind games we play in relationships is believing that our partners should be able to read our thoughts.
We assume they know what we want, and so we make expectations around this. We say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d know exactly what I want.”
Well, not even the best partner in the world can do that. They aren’t superhuman mind-readers!
Be Well Therapy says, “When this expectation is created, it becomes an unfair way to evaluate your partner, and sets them up for failure.”
In the end, all you have are misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and unnecessary conflicts. It’s a barrier to open communication and can breed mistrust in a relationship.
Instead of assuming and expecting, have the courage to express what you really want.
It might also help to put yourself in their place and imagine yourself being able to read their mind.
It’s impossible, right? So don’t put them in that difficult spot as well.
2) Keeping score of past mistakes
We’ve all been there, tallying up our partner’s past wrongs and using them as ammunition during disagreements.
It’s a game we play, consciously or not, that’s rooted in resentment and an unwillingness to forgive.
But here’s the reality. This score-keeping only deepens the chasm between you and your partner.
According to the folks at Symmetry Counselors, “It is not so much keeping score that is the problem but that when partners do keep score, they tend to unfairly focus on the negative.”
That’s just a waste of time and energy — the past can’t be changed.
Instead of wasting energy keeping score, invest that energy in understanding, forgiving, and building a stronger relationship today.
3) Buying into the myth of the perfect partner
Let’s get real — we all want the perfect partner, right?
We have this illusion of the ideal partner and perfect relationship. And what’s worse, we hold our partner to this unrealistic standard.
And then when they can’t, we end up feeling disappointed and unsatisfied.
This is where “The Art of Love and Intimacy” masterclass comes into play. Led by the shaman Rudá Iandê, this masterclass challenges these myths, encouraging us to embrace reality and improve our relationships from where we are right now.
In this free masterclass, you’ll learn that your external relationships mirror your internal relationship with yourself. This realization places you in control of your personal development and empowers you to cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections.
The masterclass also guides participants to break free from toxic relationship cycles and limiting beliefs. By aligning your actions with personal values, it teaches the importance of authentic participation in your relationships.
Dismantle the myth of the perfect partner by checking out “The Art of Love and Intimacy” masterclass. Embrace authenticity, build fulfilling connections, and transform your relationships today.
4) Relying on your partner for happiness
The belief that our partners are responsible for our happiness is another one of the most damaging mind games we play.
This belief often stems from the same misconceptions that lead us to seek the perfect partner – the idea that someone else can complete us or fix our lives.
It’s a burden no one should bear, and it places an unrealistic expectation on the relationship.
The truth is, your happiness is your responsibility. Your partner can add to your happiness, but they can’t be its source.
This aligns with what you’ll learn in the masterclass – that our external relationships are a reflection of our internal relationship with ourselves.
Stop outsourcing your happiness. Start cultivating joy within yourself. Ask yourself this: If you were alone, would you be happy with who you are?
5) Avoiding conflict at all costs
It’s a common belief that a healthy relationship is one where conflicts are rare. But the truth is, avoiding conflict entirely isn’t healthy—it’s merely an illusion of peace.
According to psychologists, conflict, when handled with respect and empathy, can be a catalyst for growth and deeper understanding.
Why? Because it presents an opportunity to learn more about your partner and their needs, and to express your own needs clearly.
Avoiding difficult conversations only leads to resentment and misunderstanding. So, instead of running away from conflict, embrace it as a chance to strengthen your relationship.
The path to lasting love isn’t paved with silence but with the courage to face and resolve conflict. Genuine peace isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s the presence of understanding.
6) Using silence as a weapon
Silence, when used correctly, can be a powerful tool for reflection and understanding.
But when it’s used as a weapon—to punish, manipulate, or control— it becomes a truly destructive force in relationships. Psychologists warn that this is a toxic, unhealthy, and even abusive habit.
Giving your partner the silent treatment goes beyond not speaking. It’s about withholding understanding, intimacy, and connection. It’s a form of emotional withdrawal that breeds resentment and disconnection.
Instead of using silence to punish, use it to reflect, understand, and communicate effectively. Healthy relationships thrive on open and honest communication.
7) Believing love should be effortless
This is one of the most pervasive mind games we play in relationships—the belief that if it’s true love, it should be effortless.
Blame it on all those Hollywood movies that paint a rosy and completely unrealistic picture of love. Like anything valuable in life, love requires work. It demands patience, understanding, forgiveness, and compromise.
There’ll be a lot of bad times along with the good times. The goal is not to never have bad times, but to weather the storms together. To stand by each other in times of challenge.
So stop buying into this game. Stop demanding that love be easy and always feel good. Even the healthiest even the healthiest relationships require effort and aren’t perpetually wrapped in the bliss of the honeymoon phase.
Embracing authenticity in relationships
So there we have it — 7 mind games that often sabotage our relationships. If you’re serious about your relationship, you’d do well to avoid playing them.
These games aren’t necessary to keep the relationship going; as you can see, they’re quite detrimental. They’re rooted in societal conditioning and limiting beliefs that can be dismantled for healthier, more authentic relationships.
To deepen this understanding and put these insights into practice, I highly recommend watching Rudá Iandê’s free masterclass “The Art of Love and Intimacy”.
This masterclass aligns perfectly with everything we’ve discussed here. It challenges the myths around love and intimacy and empowers you to take control of your personal development.
By watching this masterclass, you’ll gain practical tools and profound insights that will enable you to break free from toxic relationship cycles and cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections.
After all, time isn’t a limitless resource. So why waste it on things that don’t serve you and make your relationship stronger?
