Childhood experiences shape us in powerful ways. Yet, not all experiences are positive, especially when it comes to emotional validation.
As children, we crave the warmth of acknowledgment, the feeling of being understood, and the reassurance that our emotions matter.
When that validation is absent, we often carry the weight of it into adulthood, even if we don’t realize it.
The ways we think, feel, and interact with others can all be influenced by that void, shaping who we become and how we navigate the world.
If you’ve ever felt disconnected, struggled with self-worth, or found it challenging to express your emotions, it might be rooted in the experiences of your early years.
Understanding these traits can be the key to healing, helping you recognize patterns that may have formed long ago.
1) Difficulty in trusting others
Trust is fundamental to human relationships. However, for those who didn’t receive emotional validation in childhood, trust can be a complex issue.
Growing up without this validation can create a sense that the world is unpredictable, and people are not reliable. This feeling often carries into adulthood and can manifest as difficulty trusting others.
If you or someone you know struggles with trust, it could be rooted in past experiences of emotional invalidation.
2) Apologizing excessively
Another common trait can be an over-reliance on apologies. I know this one all too well.
Growing up, I was always the ‘sorry’ kid. I’d apologize for everything, even things that weren’t my fault.
In my adult life, I realized this was a pattern.
I used apologies as a shield, hoping to avoid conflict and disapproval. It was my way of seeking validation that I never got as a child.
This might resonate with many who didn’t receive the emotional validation they needed.
But remember, acknowledging this is not about self-blame but self-awareness. It’s about recognizing these habits as a stepping stone towards change and self-improvement.
3) Trouble expressing emotions
Individuals who didn’t receive emotional validation as a child often have trouble expressing their feelings in adulthood.
This is because they may not have learned how to identify or articulate their emotions growing up.
A study published in the Journal of Education Humanities and Social Sciences showed that those who received emotional support and warmth as children were better able to regulate their emotions as adults.
On the other hand, those who didn’t receive this support or warmth often struggle to express how they feel.
This isn’t a life sentence, though. With awareness and effort, it’s possible to learn these skills even later in life.
4) Seeking constant reassurance
People who lack emotional validation as children often grow up seeking reassurance in their choices, decisions, and actions.
This is because without validation, they may have grown up questioning their worth or doubting their abilities.
As adults, this can translate into needing constant affirmation from others to feel secure.
It’s important to remember that seeking reassurance isn’t inherently bad. However, when it becomes a compulsive need, it might be indicative of deeper emotional issues stemming from childhood.
5) Difficulty accepting compliments
Sometimes, the kindest words can be the hardest to hear. This is especially true for those who grew up without emotional validation.
A simple compliment can trigger discomfort or disbelief.
Instead of accepting the positive feedback, they might deflect it or downplay their achievements.
This is because childhood neglect prevents self-acceptance, so deep down, they might not believe they’re deserving of praise.
This trait can be heartbreaking to witness, as everyone deserves recognition for their accomplishments.
Remember, it’s okay to accept compliments graciously. It doesn’t make you conceited or arrogant; it shows that you recognize your worth and are open to positive affirmation.
6) Struggling with self-care
It’s not uncommon for those who lacked emotional validation to struggle with self-care.
For a long time, I didn’t understand the concept of looking after myself.
I would often put others’ needs before my own, to the point of exhaustion. It was my way of seeking approval and validation that I didn’t receive growing up.
But over time, I realized this wasn’t sustainable.
Now, I make sure to take time for myself, whether that’s a quiet cup of coffee in the morning or a walk in the park.
It’s a journey, but learning to prioritize self-care has been a significant step towards healthier emotional well-being.
7) Overachieving or perfectionism
Another trait often seen in those who lacked emotional validation as children is a tendency towards perfectionism or overachieving.
Driven by a deep-seated fear of not being good enough, these individuals often push themselves to work harder and achieve more.
They believe that success, perfection, or constant productivity will earn them the validation they crave.
However, this pressure can lead to burnout and stress.
It’s crucial to understand that self-worth isn’t measured by achievements or productivity. You are enough just as you are, and it’s okay to take a break and rest.
8) Fear of abandonment
At the heart of many of these behaviors lies a fear of abandonment.
People who didn’t receive emotional validation as children often carry a deep-seated fear that they will be left alone if they aren’t perfect or pleasing to others.
This fear can impact relationships and personal well-being.
But it’s important to understand that you are deserving of love and belonging, regardless of your past experiences or perceived imperfections.
It may take time and effort to overcome this fear, but know that you are not alone in this journey.
Embracing the journey
Recognizing these traits in yourself or others can be both enlightening and healing.
Understanding that these patterns often stem from unmet emotional needs in childhood allows you to approach them with compassion rather than self-criticism.
By acknowledging these behaviors, you open the door to growth and healing. You can learn to validate your own emotions and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
So reflect on these traits, not with judgment or regret, but with a sense of curiosity and understanding. And above all, remember that your past doesn’t have to define your future.
