When someone says “hi,” you know they’re greeting you.
When they say “goodbye,” you know they’re leaving. That’s basic small talk.
But social interactions aren’t always that simple.
The art of conversation can be tricky, and not everyone navigates it smoothly.
In fact, certain phrases people use in casual chats can reveal a lack of social finesse.
Through my own observations, I’ve noticed patterns in these phrases.
In this article, I’m going to share them with you, offering insights into the subtle ways people struggle with social dynamics:
1) Overuse of fillers
We all use filler words now and then.
“Um”, “like”, “so”, you get the idea.
They’re a natural part of conversation, a way to bridge the gap between our thoughts and our speech.
But when they start to dominate the conversation, that’s a different story.
People with poor social skills tend to overuse these fillers.
It’s almost as if they’re trying to buy time, to figure out what to say next. It’s understandable – small talk isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.
But overuse of fillers can disrupt the flow of conversation, making it feel disjointed and awkward.
It’s like trying to navigate through a road full of potholes – not exactly a smooth ride, is it?
2) The monologue syndrome
You know, I used to have this friend.
Every time we caught up, our conversation felt like a one-way street.
He would go on and on about his day, his problems, his achievements, with little regard for my input.
It was as if he was giving a monologue rather than engaging in a dialogue.
That’s another telltale sign of poor social skills – dominating the conversation.
People who struggle with small talk often fall into this trap.
They get so caught up in sharing their thoughts and experiences that they forget to ask about the other person.
It’s not necessarily out of self-centeredness, but more out of nervousness or lack of awareness.
3) Too many questions
Now, here’s something that might surprise you – asking too many questions can actually be a sign of poor social skills.
We often think of questions as a good thing in a conversation, a way to show interest and keep the discussion going.
But there’s a fine line between being curious and being intrusive.
4) Negative nancy
We’ve all had those days when everything seems to go wrong, and it’s hard to keep a positive outlook.
But if you’re constantly focusing on the negative in your conversations, it might be a sign of poor social skills.
Some people, especially those uncomfortable with small talk, tend to highlight the negatives.
Whether it’s complaining about the weather, their job, or the state of the world, their conversation is often tinged with pessimism.
Now, it’s perfectly okay to share your troubles and vent a little.
But if that’s all you’re doing, it can weigh down the conversation and make it quite dreary.
5) The topic jumper
Here’s something I’ve noticed over the years: some people jump from topic to topic like a rabbit in a field.
One moment we’re talking about movies, and the next, they’re onto their favorite pasta recipe.
I call these folks the ‘Topic Jumpers’.
Usually, they’re not the best at small talk.
It’s as if they’re trying to find a subject that they feel comfortable discussing, hopping around until they find the right one.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good, varied conversation as much as the next person.
But when the jump is too abrupt, it can leave the other person feeling bewildered and lost in the conversation.
6) The silent treatment
You might think that in a conversation, the more you talk, the better.
But sometimes, saying less can say more.
People who struggle with small talk often fall into one of two extremes – they either talk too much or too little.
The silent treatment is when they’re on the quieter end of the spectrum.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a good listener. In fact, it’s a highly valued trait.
But if your responses are limited to simple nods and “uh-huhs”, it can come across as disinterest or even rudeness.
There’s an old saying, “Sharing is caring”. But in the context of small talk, too much sharing can be off-putting.
Some people with poor social skills tend to overshare – giving too many details about their personal life, recent medical procedures, or family drama, often to people they hardly know.
It’s as if they missed the memo on what constitutes ‘small’ in small talk.
While it’s great to be open and transparent, there’s a line between being personable and being overly personal.
Crossing that line can make the other person uncomfortable, and potentially jeopardize the conversation.
8) The one-upper
And finally, we’ve got the ‘One-Uppers’. You know, those folks who always have a bigger, better, more exciting story to tell.
If you say you’ve been to Spain, they’ve been to Spain and Portugal.
If you mention your new car, they’ve just got a more expensive model. It can feel like they’re turning the conversation into a competition.
Now, it’s natural to want to share our achievements and experiences.
But when it becomes a constant game of one-upmanship, it can derail the conversation and alienate the other person.
Final thoughts
I hope by now you realize that poor social skills aren’t a character flaw—it’s simply about awareness and practice.
After all, we’re all just trying to connect, and small talk, though it seems trivial, is the key that helps turn strangers into friends.
If you’ve spotted any of these phrases in your own conversations, don’t be discouraged—it’s an opportunity to grow.
Every conversation is more than just small talk and, rather, a chance to build connections.
So embrace small talk!
It’s a skill worth mastering, both for yourself and the relationships you’ve yet to form.
