There’s a fine line between being open and oversharing personal information. Sure, opening up can foster connection, but it’s crucial to know where to draw the line.
Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, Hack Spirit and Small Businessbonfire founder and lover of all things mindfulness. I’m here to tell you that psychology gives us some pretty clear guidelines on what you should keep close to your chest.
Today, I’ll explore 8 things you should never disclose about yourself to others.
And trust me, knowing these can save you from a lot of unnecessary complications.
Let’s dive in.
1. Your personal secrets
Let’s face it, we all have skeletons in our closet that we’d rather stay hidden. But sometimes, in a bid to forge deeper connections, we might feel compelled to share these intimate details.
Hold off on that impulse.
Sharing deeply personal secrets can sometimes create unnecessary complications. It has the potential to change people’s perceptions of you and can lead to awkward dynamics, especially if the other person is not prepared to handle such information.
This doesn’t mean you should bottle up everything inside you. It’s more about discerning who is trustworthy and understanding the right time and place to share.
2. Your salary details
Money talk can be a tricky subject. Is it ever okay to disclose your salary to others? Well, from personal experience, I’d say tread lightly.
I remember a time when I casually mentioned my salary to a friend during a conversation. What followed was a palpable shift in our relationship. Unwanted comparisons arose, and resentment brewed. It was an uncomfortable situation that could have been avoided.
Psychologists suggest keeping your financial earnings private. This includes not just your salary but also your investments, bonuses, and other forms of income. It helps maintain harmony in relationships and avoids potential jealousy or comparison traps.
3. Your past resentments
We all have past grievances and grudges we hold onto. But sharing these with others, especially without a proper context, can do more harm than good.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve deep into the concept of letting go of past resentments. It’s a crucial step for personal growth and fostering healthier relationships.
It’s worth noting that sharing these resentments with others might not only paint you in a negative light but can also reinforce the bitterness you’re trying to shed.
If you’re interested in learning more about this concept, I’d recommend checking out my book. It’s packed with actionable advice on how to live a more fulfilling life by letting go of past hurts and focusing on the present.
As esteemed psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
Work on dealing with your resentments privately or with a professional, rather than unloading them onto unsuspecting acquaintances.
4. Your self-doubts
We all have moments of self-doubt, where we question our abilities and worth. While it’s perfectly normal to have these feelings, psychologists suggest it’s not always beneficial to share them openly with others.
By constantly expressing self-doubt, you may be inadvertently reinforcing those negative beliefs about yourself. Furthermore, others may start to perceive you as less competent or confident, which can negatively impact your personal and professional relationships.
Instead of sharing these doubts indiscriminately, consider employing techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy, positive affirmations, or mindfulness practices to combat them. These methods can help you shift your focus from negative thought patterns to a more constructive and positive mindset.
As the influential psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”
By keeping your self-doubts in check and working on them internally, you’re taking control of your own destiny.
5. Your good deeds
Now, this might seem counter-intuitive. After all, shouldn’t we share our good deeds to inspire others?
Well, not necessarily. Psychology suggests that constantly talking about your good deeds can sometimes come across as self-serving or boastful. This might lead to people perceiving you as less genuine or humble.
Instead, let your actions speak for themselves. When you do good without expecting recognition or rewards, it carries more weight and authenticity. Plus, it feels pretty great too!
6. Your personal beliefs
Personal beliefs, whether they’re about politics, religion, or societal issues, can be a sensitive topic. While it’s important to have convictions and stand up for them, psychologists suggest being cautious about who you share these with.
Engaging in discussions with like-minded individuals can be beneficial. However, sharing your beliefs with those who strongly disagree could lead to unnecessary conflict and strain in your relationships.
Instead of pushing your views on others, try engaging in open-minded and respectful conversations. It’s important to remember that everyone is entitled to their own set of beliefs.
7. Your future plans
Planning for the future is exciting. Whether it’s a career goal, a dream vacation, or a lifestyle change, these plans often carry our hopes and aspirations. However, sharing these preemptively with others might not always be the best approach.
When we share our plans, we sometimes experience what psychologists call ‘premature sense of completeness.’ This means that the act of talking about our goals can trick our brains into thinking we’ve already accomplished them, reducing our motivation to actually put in the work required.
Instead of broadcasting your plans, focus on taking actionable steps towards achieving them.
8. Your family’s dirty laundry
Every family has its issues, and it’s natural to want to vent or seek advice. But remember this: Once you share something, you can’t unshare it.
Psychologists advise against sharing your family’s private matters with others. It’s not just about respect for your family’s privacy, but also about preserving the integrity of your relationships with them.
When you share your family’s problems, you risk changing how others perceive them. This can lead to awkward interactions and strained relationships in the long run.
Final thoughts: It’s about balance
In the heart of it all, it’s about being mindful of our words and actions. It’s about understanding the value of our privacy and respecting the privacy of others.
For those looking to delve deeper into such concepts, my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, explores this delicate balance. It provides insights on how to live authentically, without compromising your personal space or infringing on others.
Remember, as psychologist Carl Rogers stated, “What is most personal is most universal.” Your journey to self-discovery and maintaining healthy boundaries is a shared human experience. Let’s continue this journey together with mindfulness, respect, and a dash of wisdom.
