As a parent, I know firsthand how important it is to stay connected with our kids as they grow.
But maintaining that close bond isn’t always easy. The older they get, the more they change—gaining independence, discovering who they are, and, sometimes, pulling away in the process.
It’s natural for them to evolve, but I’ve realized that some of our habits as parents can unknowingly create distance instead of connection. And that’s something no one wants.
Today, we talk about these habits. I’ve had to catch myself with some of these more than once, and letting them go has made all the difference.
Let’s dive in.
1) Always letting them win
How often do we let our kids win every game or argument, thinking this will maintain their self-esteem and keep them happy?
Well, this habit can inadvertently create a false sense of entitlement and unrealistic expectations in your children.
As they grow older, they’ll step into a world where not every game will be in their favor and not every argument will end with them winning.
If you want to strengthen your bond with your children, it’s time to say goodbye to this habit.
Instead, teach them the value of losing gracefully and learning from failures. This not only fosters resilience but also prepares them to face the ups and downs of life with courage and humility.
Of course, you’re not aiming to crush their spirits but to make them understand that life is not always about winning. It’s about playing the game right and learning from every experience, win or lose.
2) Being their friend, not their parent
When my son entered his teenage years, I fell into the classic trap of trying to be his friend rather than his parent. My intention was to make him feel comfortable sharing things with me, and yes, it did work for a while.
But then I noticed a shift in our dynamic.
The lines between parent and friend began to blur, and I found myself in situations where I had to compromise on discipline to maintain that ‘friend’ status.
It took a lot of introspection and discussions with my spouse to realize the mistake I was making. We understood that our children need us as parents first. They have plenty of friends, but we are the only parents they have.
So, we started setting boundaries again. We made it clear that while we are always there to listen and advise, we are also the ones who set rules and expect respect.
The transition was not overnight and came with its fair share of rebellion. But over time, my son understood the change and our bond grew stronger.
Saying goodbye to the ‘friend-parent’ habit was one of the best decisions I made in my journey as a parent. It didn’t push my son away; instead, it brought us closer because he realized he could count on us to guide him right.
3) Ignoring their interests
As your child grows, their interests and hobbies may change and evolve. They might shift from loving dinosaurs to being fascinated by space or from playing soccer to wanting to learn the guitar.
One of the key habits to let go of is ignoring these evolving interests or dismissing them as passing phases.
Embrace their new passions, even if they seem foreign or impractical to you. Show genuine interest in what they love. Listen to them when they talk about it, ask questions, and even participate when you can.
Keeping an open mind and supporting their interests not only strengthens your bond but also encourages them to explore and learn new things, fostering their creativity and individuality. It sends a message that their passions matter to you, making them feel valued and understood.
4) Over-protectiveness
Did you know that eagles deliberately remove the soft feathers and animal fur from their nests when their eaglets are ready to fly? This makes the nest uncomfortable and encourages the young ones to leave their comfort zone and learn to fly.
Much like these wise birds, as parents, we need to resist the urge to protect our children from every discomfort or challenge they face. While it’s natural to want to shield them from all harm, as noted by experts like Penn State University Professor Kevin Bennet, “Overprotective parenting can have a negative impact on children’s mental health and relationships.”
When we continuously solve their problems for them, they don’t get the opportunity to develop problem-solving skills or resilience. They might even start doubting their own abilities, which can affect their self-confidence.
To maintain a strong bond with your growing child, it’s important to let them face challenges, make mistakes and learn from them. This not only builds their confidence but also prepares them for real-world experiences.
5) Neglecting to say “I love you”
In the whirlwind of daily life, school runs, cooking meals, work, and managing a household, it’s surprisingly easy to overlook three simple words – “I love you.”
These words hold immense power. They reassure your child of your unwavering love and support, regardless of any mistakes they make or challenges they face.
As your children get older, they experience a world full of pressures and uncertainties. Hearing “I love you” from their parents can provide them with comfort and reassurance during these times.
6) Avoiding difficult conversations
When my daughter started high school, she was introduced to a whole new world of experiences, some positive and some not so much. There were instances when she came home upset, dealing with issues like peer pressure and academic stress.
My initial reaction was to shield her from these harsh realities. I tried to distract her or lighten the mood, thinking it would help her forget her worries. But all it did was create a wall between us.
I soon realized that avoiding these difficult conversations was not helping; it was making things worse.
This is well-acknowledged by experts in their field. For instance, Jennifer Gerlach, a psychotherapist, noted in a recent Psychology Today Post that “Evading difficult conversations can lead to miscommunication, relationship breakdown, and compromised value”
It was time to face them head-on, no matter how uncomfortable they made me feel.
So, I started opening up about my own experiences – the challenges I faced during my school days, the mistakes I made, and lessons I learned. This helped her understand that what she was going through was normal and that she wasn’t alone.
Facing difficult conversations instead of avoiding them proved to be a turning point in our relationship. It brought us closer and made our bond stronger.
7) Expecting perfection
Every parent wants their child to succeed and do well in life. But it’s essential to remember that success doesn’t equate to perfection.
Holding your child to impossibly high standards can create unnecessary pressure and lead to feelings of inadequacy, no matter their achievements. More than that, experts have noted that perfectionism is linked to anxiety.
Instead, encourage effort over perfection. Celebrate their progress and the hard work they put into achieving their goals, rather than just the end result.
When your child knows you value their efforts, they’ll feel more confident, secure and crucially be more willing to open up to you.
8) Not making time
In the end, nothing can replace the value of quality time spent together.
No matter their age, children crave their parents’ attention and time. It’s during these moments of shared experiences and conversations that memories are made and bonds are strengthened.
You might have a demanding job or other responsibilities, but it’s crucial to carve out dedicated time for your children – time during which they have your undivided attention.
Final thoughts: It’s all about evolution
Letting go of certain habits as a parent isn’t always easy, but it’s crucial if you want to build a strong, lasting bond with your child as they grow.
By being intentional about how we connect, guide, and support them, we can nurture a relationship built on trust, respect, and unconditional love.
After all, our goal isn’t just to raise happy, successful kids – it’s to build a bond that endures well beyond their childhood years. Small changes can make a big difference, and it’s never too late to start.
Here’s to deeper connections and closer bonds with our children!
