As parents, we all want to be the kind of role models our kids admire, respect and look up to as they grow.
But let’s be honest – it’s not always easy to get it right. Between juggling work, home life, and everything in between, we sometimes develop habits that might not set the best example for our children.
Our kids are constantly watching, learning, and absorbing what we do – the good, the bad, and everything in between. Those little things we do daily can significantly shape their view of us.
If you want to be that parent they look up to and feel proud of, it might be time to let go of a few habits that could be sending the wrong message. What habits?
These ones…
1) Constant criticism
In our quest to raise perfect human beings, we often resort to constant criticism. We might think this will push our kids to do better, but it can actually do the opposite.
The problem with constant criticism is that, as noted by experts, it can be extremely damaging to a child’s self-esteem. They start believing that they can never meet your expectations.
Now, I’m not saying you should shower your kids with false praises. But it’s crucial to provide constructive feedback rather than constant criticism.
Your goal is to guide them, not belittle them.
Instead, aim for a healthy balance of praise and constructive criticism. This approach will foster self-confidence in your children and make them more likely to respect and admire you as they age.
2) Arguing in front of them
Ever catch yourself arguing with your partner in front of your kids and wonder, “What kind of example am I setting?”
We all have disagreements – it’s a part of life and relationships. But when those disagreements escalate into arguments, especially in front of your children, it can have a lasting impact.
Kids look to their parents to learn how to communicate, resolve conflict, and build healthy relationships. If they regularly see you and your partner arguing, raising your voices, or using hurtful words, they’re learning that this is the way to handle disputes.
And as noted by the experts at the Gottman Institute, frequent hostile arguments – involving yelling insults, or even silent treatment – can be genuinely harmful to children. Exposure to this kind of conflict can make them anxious, distressed, sad, angry, or even lead to depression.
Instead, try to find ways to resolve your disagreements privately, and when conflicts do arise in front of your kids, model healthy communication. This means listening, staying calm, and showing respect – not just for each other, but also for the example you’re setting for your children.
They’re always watching and learning. By showing them how to navigate disagreements with grace and respect, you’re giving them an invaluable lesson in handling conflict that they’ll carry throughout their lives.
3) Being glued to your devices
Now, this one hits close to home for me.
In this digital age, it’s all too easy to let our devices rule our lives. I remember a time when my son asked me to play with him, and I was too engrossed in my phone to pay attention.
The disappointment in his eyes was a wake-up call.
Our kids learn from our behavior. If they see us glued to our screens, it encourages them to do the same, and worse yet, they might think that’s more important than spending quality time with them.
I probably don’t have to tell you that studies have linked heavy social media and an increased risk for depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Other research suggests that even if we, as parents, use our phones in front of our children too much, it can negatively affect their emotional intelligence.
From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to limit my screen time around my children.
Don’t let your devices come between you and your kids. Be present with them. Show them that they are more important than any email or social media update.
4) Avoiding tough conversations
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. As much as we want to shield our kids from the harsh realities, it’s imperative that we don’t shy away from having tough conversations with them.
Avoiding difficult discussions about topics like death, illness, bullying, or even current events can leave your children unprepared for the world. They might feel that these subjects are off-limits or something to fear.
Instead, use these moments as opportunities to educate them, instill values, and teach them how to navigate through challenging situations. This open communication can build trust and respect for you in their eyes.
5) Failing to admit your mistakes
We all make mistakes – it’s part of being human. But as parents, we often feel the pressure to appear perfect in front of our children.
Here’s the thing – our kids don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be real.
When we fail to admit our mistakes, we miss out on valuable teaching moments. It’s through our own errors that we can show our kids how to accept responsibility, how to apologize, and most importantly, how to make things right.
But when we own up to our slip-ups, it teaches them that making mistakes is okay. It’s a part of life. What matters is how we deal with these missteps.
The bottom line
Parenting is a journey of constant learning and growth. It’s not about being perfect but about being present, self-aware, and intentional in the way we raise our children.
Our kids don’t need us to have all the answers – they need us to set an example of humility, love, and resilience.
By letting go of these habits – whether it’s constant criticism, arguing in front of them, being glued to our devices, avoiding tough conversations, or failing to admit our mistakes – we can become the kind of role models our children look up to and respect.
It’s never too late to make a change, and even the smallest shifts can have a big impact on how our kids view us and navigate the world.
So let’s take a deep breath, give ourselves grace, and commit to being the parents our children need – now and in the future. They’re watching, learning, and most of all, they’re counting on us to lead by example.
