Navigating social situations can be a minefield, especially if you’re not quite sure how to engage others effectively.
Often, those with weaker social skills use certain phrases that, unbeknownst to them, can come across as off-putting or even offensive.
The world of psychology provides us with some insight into these common verbal missteps. It turns out there are several phrases that, when used frequently, might indicate a person has poor social skills.
Let’s explore these 9 phrases that people often use without realizing how they’re being perceived.
1) “I know, right?”
Social interactions are a dance of give-and-take.
But sometimes, those lacking in social finesse can often miss the rhythm. They lean too heavily on phrases that, while seemingly harmless, can leave a sour taste in the conversation.
One such phrase is “I know, right?”
This phrase can often come across as dismissive. Instead of fostering a connection by listening and engaging with the other person’s thoughts or experiences, it can seem like you’re brushing them off.
It’s as if you’re saying, “Yes, yes, I already know all this. Move on.” It can make the other person feel unheard or unimportant.
Yet those with poor social skills might use this phrase frequently, oblivious to its negative impact. They may think they’re aligning themselves with the other person’s viewpoint, without realizing they might be shutting down further communication.
2) “Actually, I think you’ll find…”
We’ve all been in situations where the conversation turns into a battle of wits.
I remember one time at a party, I was chatting with a guy who seemed to have an ‘actually’ for every sentence I spoke.
I mentioned how I enjoyed a particular movie, and he immediately responded: “Actually, I think you’ll find that the director’s previous movie was far superior.”
When I tried to share an interesting fact about a book I was reading, he cut me off with: “Actually, I think you’ll find that the author has been heavily criticized for his research methods.”
Even though he might have meant to share his knowledge or spark a deeper conversation, it felt like he was constantly trying to one-up me. It made for an exhausting and frustrating exchange.
The phrase “Actually, I think you’ll find…” can often come across as condescending. It can imply that the other person’s perspective or knowledge is incorrect or incomplete. Instead of fostering a healthy dialogue, it might create a sense of competition.
Those with weak social skills may not realize how such phrases can diminish the enjoyment and flow of conversation. It’s always better to create an atmosphere of learning and sharing rather than one-upmanship.
3) “No offense, but…”
The phrase “No offense, but…” is a classic example of a backhanded compliment. It’s often used as a preamble to a statement that is, well, offensive.
Psychology tells us that when people hear this phrase, they instinctively brace themselves for an insult. The human brain has a negative bias, meaning it reacts more intensely to negative stimuli than to positive ones. This is a survival mechanism that has evolved over thousands of years.
When someone hears “No offense, but…”, it triggers this negative bias and the brain prepares for an insult. This can immediately put the listener on the defensive, even before the rest of the sentence has been said.
People with poor social skills may use this phrase thinking it softens the blow of their comment. But in reality, it tends to do just the opposite. Instead of using this phrase, try being direct and tactful with your feedback or opinions.
4) “To be honest…”
A conversation should ideally be a space of trust and authenticity.
Yet, a phrase often used by people with weak social skills is “To be honest…” It may seem innocent enough, but it can inadvertently communicate a lack of honesty in previous statements. It implies that what comes next is a rare moment of truth, leaving the listener to wonder about the sincerity of what was said before.
Imagine being in a work meeting where a colleague says, “To be honest, I think we need to change our approach.” It might leave you questioning whether they’ve been holding back their real opinions until now.
Honesty should be the default in communication, not an exception. So instead of signaling your honesty with this phrase, show it through your consistent words and actions.
5) “Whatever”
Disagreements are a normal part of conversations, but how we handle them can reflect our social skills.
One phrase that can be quite damaging is “Whatever.” This single word can often be perceived as dismissive or apathetic. It suggests you’re unwilling to engage in a discussion or consider another person’s viewpoint.
For instance, if someone shares their opinion and you respond with “whatever,” it can imply that you don’t value their thoughts or feel it’s not worth your time to discuss.
People with poor social skills might use this phrase without realizing the impact it has on their relationships. A more constructive approach would be to respectfully disagree or ask questions to understand the other person’s perspective better.
6) “It’s not my fault”
Life is a series of ups and downs. We all make mistakes, and that’s okay. The important thing is how we respond to them.
A phrase often used by those with weaker social skills is “It’s not my fault”. This phrase can come across as deflecting responsibility and can damage trust in relationships.
Imagine a scenario where something goes wrong at work, and instead of working together to find a solution, a team member says, “It’s not my fault”. This phrase can create a divide and foster a blame culture rather than a collaborative one.
Admitting our mistakes and taking responsibility for our actions is difficult but essential for growth. It shows maturity, courage, and integrity. Instead of deflecting blame, we should strive to learn from our errors and make amends where necessary. It’s about owning our actions and using our mistakes as stepping stones to become better versions of ourselves.
7) “I’m just saying…”
In conversations, it’s natural to share opinions and thoughts. However, the phrase “I’m just saying…” can often be a minefield.
I used to use this phrase quite often myself. I thought it was a way to express my thoughts without seeming too imposing. But over time, I realized it wasn’t being received that way.
Instead of softening my statements, it actually came across as passive-aggressive. It was as if I was trying to distance myself from my own words or opinions. And that didn’t sit well with many people.
People with poor social skills might use “I’m just saying…” as a buffer, thinking it makes their potentially controversial or critical comment more acceptable. But it can often have the opposite effect, making the listener feel defensive or dismissed.
It’s essential to own our words and communicate our thoughts respectfully without hiding behind such phrases.
8) “You always…” or “You never…”
When it comes to effective communication, generalization is a pitfall we want to avoid.
Phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” are often used by individuals with poor social skills. These statements can be damaging, as they tend to generalize a person’s behavior, often in a negative light.
For instance, saying, “You never listen to me” or “You always forget important dates” can make the other person feel attacked and defensive. It puts them in a position where they feel the need to justify their actions rather than engage in a meaningful conversation.
Instead of using these generalizing statements, it’s better to address specific instances and express how those actions made you feel. This approach encourages open dialogue and minimizes defensiveness.
9) “That’s just how I am”
The phrase “That’s just how I am” can be quite problematic. It suggests a refusal to grow or change, even when the behavior is hurting others or hindering personal progress.
When people say this, they might think they’re asserting their identity. However, it often comes off as an excuse for not taking responsibility for actions that affect others negatively.
The beauty of being human is our capacity for growth and change. We should strive for self-improvement, especially when our actions or words impact those around us negatively. Asserting “That’s just how I am” shuts down this possibility and can strain relationships.
