We all crave validation to some extent—it’s a normal part of being human. But what happens when seeking approval starts dictating your actions, even without you realizing it?
I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this, noticing my own subtle habits and understanding how they impact my life. What I’ve found is that some of our behaviors are so deeply rooted in the need for validation that we don’t even recognize what’s driving them.
The truth is, the quest for external approval can show up in sneaky, unexpected ways. And often, we don’t realize how much power it has over our daily lives, our decisions, and even our self-worth.
Today, we’ll uncover some habits that might seem harmless on the surface but often point to a deeper desire for validation.
Recognizing these habits has been eye-opening for me—it might just be for you, too.
Let’s dive in.
1) Over-apologizing
Have you ever found yourself saying sorry for things that really don’t require an apology?
I see this all the time. It’s something we do without even realizing when we’re seeking validation.
When we constantly apologize, it’s often because we’re trying to avoid conflict and keep the peace. We’re seeking approval from others and hoping to be seen as likable. It can also be a way of seeking reassurance that everything is okay.
Don’t get me wrong, apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is a mark of maturity. But over-apologizing? That’s a sign that you might be seeking validation in an unhealthy way.
Your feelings and actions are valid, and you don’t need to apologize for existing or taking up space.
2) You struggle to make decisions without consulting others
While it’s normal to seek advice on major decisions, needing input on every little thing could point to a deeper fear of making the “wrong” choice – or worse, a fear of disapproval.
This habit can come from wanting to make sure you’re doing the “right” thing in everyone else’s eyes.
But here’s the thing: over-relying on others to make your decisions can leave you feeling powerless over your own life.
Worse yet, as noted by Deacon Joseph Ferrari, a professor of psychology, noted in a Psychology Today post, “Indecision leads to anxiety, worry, regret, shame, rumination, and ultimately negatively impacts one’s quality of life.”
The truth is, making decisions independently builds confidence and self-trust. Trusting your gut and embracing the outcome – whether good or bad – is an important step toward living authentically and releasing the grip of external validation.
3) You avoid conflict
Many people steer clear of conflict to maintain harmony, but sometimes, this habit goes beyond just keeping the peace – it’s rooted in a deep need for validation.
Agreeing with others, staying silent when you disagree, or putting your own needs on the back burner just to keep everyone happy are clear signs of seeking approval.
Avoiding conflict might feel like the safest route, but it often means sacrificing your own voice and boundaries. It can leave you feeling unseen, unheard, and disconnected from your authentic self.
Healthy relationships allow for differences and disagreements, and speaking up is an important part of maintaining your self-worth and self-respect.
Social media can be a powerful tool for connection, but it’s also a breeding ground for validation-seeking behavior.
If you find yourself obsessively checking your notifications, refreshing your feed, or feeling down when a post doesn’t get the attention you hoped for, it might be a sign that you’re looking for approval from others.
The instant feedback from likes, shares, and comments can create a false sense of worth – and it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that your value is tied to how many people “approve” of what you share online.
But the validation you get from social media is fleeting. As noted by Bonnie Zucker, a psychologist, “the positive effects are usually short-lived because they come from others and not from within themselves.”
Your worth isn’t measured by how many likes you get or how “perfect” your online persona is. Real validation comes from being true to yourself and finding fulfillment offline, where the connections and feedback are genuine.
Take a step back and ask yourself: Are you posting for yourself, or for the approval of others?
5) Seeking perfection
Perfectionism is another sneaky way our craving for validation shows up. We think that if everything we do is perfect, then we’ll finally be accepted or loved.
I’ve been there, too. I used to believe that if I could just be perfect in every way, then I would finally feel worthy and accepted. But guess what? It doesn’t work that way.
As the great Leonard Cohen once said, “There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Perfection isn’t attainable, and it’s through our imperfections that we truly shine.
We need to understand that making mistakes is part of being human. It’s how we learn and grow.
Let’s stop trying to be perfect and start being real instead. Let’s embrace our flaws, because that’s where our real beauty lies.
6) You change your behavior to make people like you
This is a huge one.
Many of us have heard the phrase “fake it till you make it,” but there’s a fine line between adapting to your surroundings and losing yourself to gain approval.
As noted by therapist Richard Brouillette, “saying what you think people want to hear” is a clear sign of approval-seeking. And it’s not just about words – it could be how you dress, the opinions you express (or hide), and even the interests you pretend to have.
The problem is that the more you shape-shift to gain acceptance, the more disconnected you become from who you really are.
Ultimately, the validation you receive isn’t genuine, because it’s based on a version of yourself that isn’t real. Authentic relationships and true self-worth come from embracing who you are, not who you think others want you to be.
Conclusion
Craving validation from others is something we all experience to some degree. But when it starts to dictate our behaviors and decisions, it’s time to reflect and make changes.
Remember, you are enough just as you are. Your worth is not determined by the approval of others but by your own self-acceptance.
Let’s start living authentically and unapologetically. After all, it’s your life. Live it on your own terms.
