We all have that one friend or coworker who seems to drain our energy after even a short conversation.
Maybe it’s their constant need for validation or how they turn every situation into a personal crisis.
You can’t quite put your finger on it, but after every encounter, you’re left feeling emotionally spent.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
These exhausting behaviors are more common than you think, and here are eight unique traits that might explain why some people leave you feeling drained.
1) They consistently make everything about themselves
Interacting with them feels like being stuck in a one-sided conversation.
You try to share your thoughts, your experiences, or your day, but it all somehow circles back to them.
It’s as if they’re wearing blinkers that only allow them to see and talk about their own lives.
This isn’t about occasional self-centeredness, which we all can be guilty of.
This is about a consistent pattern of behavior where they turn every conversation into a monologue about their life.
And you’re left there, feeling unheard and invalidated, with your emotional energy drained, wondering why you bothered to engage in the first place.
If this kind of interaction feels all too familiar, it’s a clear sign that you’re dealing with an emotionally exhausting person.
2) They constantly play the victim
This is another exhausting trait that can really drain your energy.
These individuals seem to always find themselves in the center of a crisis, and they’re always the victim.
Even when they’re clearly at fault, they somehow manage to twist the narrative and paint themselves as the hapless sufferer.
I remember a former coworker of mine, let’s call her Jane. Jane was notorious for this.
She would often miss deadlines and then blame it on others or circumstances beyond her control.
She would say things like, “I couldn’t finish the report because Mike didn’t send me his part on time,” or “The computer crashed and I lost all my work.”
It was never her fault. It became tiring to hear her constant complaints and excuses, because you knew that in Jane’s world, she was always the one being wronged. And spending time around such negativity can be incredibly draining.
3) They’re perpetually negative
Winston Churchill once said, “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
And how true that is when you’re dealing with someone who seems to have a black cloud permanently hanging over their head.
Their constant negativity can be so draining.
Every silver lining has a cloud, every glass is half-empty, and every conversation is an opportunity for a complaint or a grumble.
My neighbor is one such person.
No matter what the topic, he can find a way to turn it into a gloomy conversation.
If it’s sunny, he’ll complain about the heat. If it’s raining, he’ll grumble about getting wet.
Being around him feels like being sucked into a vortex of negativity, and it just leaves you feeling tired and depleted.
A little bit of realism is fine, but constant negativity is not only exhausting but also contagious.
If you’re not careful, you might find yourself starting to see the world through their pessimistic lens.
4) They constantly seek validation
Did you know that humans have an innate desire to be validated? It’s true, and it’s a completely normal part of human psychology.
However, when someone is constantly seeking validation for every little thing they do, it can become exhausting.
These individuals can’t make a decision without seeking approval from others.
They constantly fish for compliments and are eager to showcase their achievements, no matter how minor they might be.
I had a friend who would ask for opinions on every single decision she made – from what she should wear to dinner to whether she should accept a job offer. It was exhausting to constantly provide reassurance and it felt as though the weight of her decisions fell on my shoulders.
While it’s natural to seek advice or validation from time to time, constant need for approval can be a drain on your energy levels.
5) They’re compulsive liars
There’s nothing more exhausting than trying to keep up with someone’s web of lies.
These individuals have a knack for bending the truth, creating alternative realities where they are always in the right, and expecting everyone around them to play along.
I’ve experienced this with an old acquaintance.
He had a story for everything and he was always the hero. As time passed, his tales became more extravagant and less believable.
But calling him out on his lies was futile, as he would spin another lie to cover up the previous one.
It felt like being stuck in a never-ending cycle of deception, and it was both emotionally draining and incredibly frustrating.
Having to constantly question someone’s honesty can be exhausting and can leave you feeling uncertain about everything they say or do.
6) They’re always critical
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and have our flaws. It’s part of being human.
But imagine being around someone who is always pointing out your mistakes, always highlighting your flaws, and never missing an opportunity to criticize you.
I had a boss like this once. She would nitpick every little thing I did and never had a word of praise or encouragement.
Every interaction with her left me feeling drained and demotivated.
Criticism, when constructive, can be beneficial.
But constant criticism, especially when it’s unwarranted, can be hugely damaging to your self-esteem and can sap your energy like nothing else.
7) They’re emotionally needy
Emotional neediness is another energy-sapping behavior that some people exhibit.
These individuals constantly crave for attention, affection, and reassurance.
They depend on others for their emotional stability and can’t seem to function without constant emotional support.
I had a friend who would call me at all hours, needing to talk about her problems.
She had a hard time being alone and constantly needed someone to lean on. At first, I felt sorry for her and wanted to help, but over time, it became too much.
Emotionally needy people can be very demanding and their needs can often feel overwhelming.
It’s like they’re an emotional black hole, sucking up all your energy and leaving you feeling drained and emotionally depleted.
While it’s important to support friends and loved ones in times of need, dealing with someone who is constantly emotionally needy can be very taxing on your own emotional health.
8) They refuse to respect boundaries
Respecting boundaries is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship, be it personal or professional.
However, some people have a hard time understanding this concept.
They constantly invade your personal space, demand your time and attention, and disregard your feelings and needs.
I experienced this with a former roommate. She’d constantly borrow my things without asking, interrupt me when I was busy, and even invite people over without checking with me first.
It was as if my needs and preferences didn’t matter to her at all.
This constant disregard for boundaries was not only disrespectful but also emotionally exhausting.
It felt like I was constantly on defense, trying to protect my personal space and peace of mind.
When someone fails to respect your boundaries, it’s a clear sign that they’re not considering your feelings or needs.
Wrapping up
If you find yourself nodding along to these signs, it’s likely you’re dealing with someone who is emotionally exhausting.
But here’s the silver lining – recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards maintaining your emotional health.
The key lies in setting boundaries and learning to prioritize your well-being.
It’s okay to distance yourself from people who drain your energy.
It’s okay to say “no” when you need time for yourself
