There’s a fine line between parenting and becoming a friend to your child.
This line often blurs as children grow older and it’s crucial to maintain that respect without resorting to authoritarian methods.
Balancing authority with warmth isn’t always easy. And sometimes, certain habits we adopt unknowingly can sabotage the respect our kids have for us.
In this article, I’ll reveal the 9 habits you need to drop if you want your kids to respect you as they grow up. Trust me, it’s easier than you think. Let’s get started.
1) Constantly rescuing
It’s natural for parents to want to shield their children from any form of discomfort or failure.
But did you know that constantly stepping in to make everything right can actually harm your child’s respect for you in the long run?
Sure, it’s tough to watch your child struggle or fail. But by always swooping in to fix things, you’re sending a message that they aren’t capable of handling life’s challenges on their own.
This not only undermines their self-confidence, but also reduces their respect for you. They may even start seeing you as overbearing or controlling.
So, next time your child faces a challenge, resist the urge to immediately jump in. Instead, offer guidance and support as they navigate their way out. This will help them develop resilience and keep their respect for you intact.
2) Being inconsistent
I’ve learned the hard way that inconsistency can be a parent’s biggest downfall.
Take it from me, a few years back I’d often find myself vacillating on rules and decisions. One day, I’d let my daughter stay up late to finish a movie; the next, I’d be strict about bedtime.
I hoped this flexibility would make me the ‘cool’ parent. Instead, it led to confusion and a lack of respect.
My daughter didn’t know what to expect from me, and this inconsistency made her question my authority. It felt like I was losing ground in our relationship.
That’s when I realized I needed to be more consistent. I decided on certain rules and stuck to them without wavering. This consistency gave my daughter a clear understanding of what was expected of her and helped restore her respect for me.
Inconsistency can breed uncertainty and mistrust. So, if you want your kids to respect you as they grow older, ensure you’re consistent in your rules and decisions.
3) Not admitting when you’re wrong
Humility is a virtue that’s often overlooked in our quest to be perfect parents. Yet, it’s a powerful tool for earning your child’s respect.
Studies have shown that parents who apologize to their children when they’ve made a mistake are more likely to raise kids who are empathetic and understanding.
When you admit you’re wrong, you’re teaching your child that it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as we take responsibility for them and learn from them.
This not only helps build their respect for you, but also encourages them to develop into accountable and responsible individuals.
So, the next time you make a mistake, don’t shy away from admitting it. It might just be the lesson your child needs to respect you more.
4) Over-sharing personal problems
As parents, we want to nurture a close bond with our children. But sometimes, we can cross the line between being open and over-sharing.
Pouring out all your personal problems to your child can put them in a difficult position. They might feel burdened by information they’re not equipped to handle, which can lead to anxiety and stress.
While it’s important to be honest with your kids, there’s a balance you need to strike. Sharing too much can blur the boundaries of your relationship and affect their respect for you.
So, be mindful of what you share with your kids. Remember, they are not your therapists or confidantes. They’re still learning to navigate their own lives and should not be overloaded with adult problems.
5) Expecting perfection
There’s a fine line between encouraging your child to do their best and pushing them to be perfect.
Kids, like all of us, are bound to make mistakes, have weaknesses, and face failures. If we constantly push for perfection, it can create undue pressure and set unrealistic expectations.
Such an attitude can make children feel that they are only valued for their achievements, which can lead to a lack of self-esteem and respect for you.
Instead of expecting perfection, try nurturing a growth mindset in your child. Celebrate their efforts, acknowledge their progress, and appreciate their hard work. This will not only boost their confidence but also strengthen their respect for you.
6) Not giving them your undivided attention
In our fast-paced world, it’s all too easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life. But amidst all the chaos, we must remember that our children need our focused attention.
When your child is speaking to you, ensure you’re fully present. Put aside your phone, turn off the TV, and listen genuinely. When they feel heard and valued, they’re more likely to respect you.
Remember, respect is reciprocal. By giving them your undivided attention, you’re teaching them to do the same for others. This simple act can create a deep bond of mutual respect between you and your child.
So let’s make time for what truly matters – our children. They deserve our full attention. And in return, they’ll give us their respect.
7) Neglecting self-care
A few years ago, I found myself completely drained — physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was so focused on being there for my kids that I forgot to take care of myself.
I soon realized that my exhaustion was affecting my interactions with my children. I was less patient, more irritable, and my relationship with them suffered.
It was a wake-up call. I understood that taking care of myself wasn’t selfish, but necessary. When I started prioritizing my health and well-being, I became a better parent.
Self-care helps you stay calm and patient, which in turn leads to healthier interactions with your kids. When they see you treating yourself with respect and care, it encourages them to do the same for you and for themselves. So don’t neglect self-care. It’s not just good for you; it’s good for your relationship with your kids too.
8) Dismissing their feelings
Children, just like adults, have a wide range of emotions. They feel joy, sadness, anger, fear, and everything in between. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings rather than dismiss them.
Brushing off your child’s emotions can make them feel unimportant or misunderstood. This can lead to resentment and diminish their respect for you.
Instead, validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling and that you’re there to support them. By doing so, you’re fostering an environment of trust and respect.
Remember, understanding and respecting their feelings is a significant step toward gaining their respect.
9) Not walking the talk
If there’s one thing you take away from this, let it be this: Children are incredibly observant. They notice when our words don’t match our actions.
If you tell them to be honest but they see you lying, or if you preach kindness but they see you being rude, it can really damage their respect for you.
Actions speak louder than words. To earn your child’s respect, it’s crucial to model the values and behaviors you want them to adopt.
In essence, be the person you want your child to become. This is perhaps the most impactful way to gain their respect as they grow older.
