Narcissism is tricky. It’s not always grandiose self-love, or an unhealthy obsession with one’s own image. Sometimes, it’s subtle.
In fact, you might be dealing with a low-key narcissist and not even realize it. These individuals can be cleverly disguised as charismatic, attractive, or even as “the life of the party”.
Low-key narcissists have a collection of behaviors that can often go unnoticed until you’re deeply involved with them. But, if you know what to look for, you can spot these signs early on.
In this article, we’ll explore ten behaviors that signal you might just be dealing with a low-key narcissist.
Let’s get started.
1) They love the spotlight
Narcissism isn’t always loud and in your face. Sometimes, it’s a subtle need to always be the center of attention.
Low-key narcissists may not blatantly demand the spotlight, but they have a knack for steering conversations back to themselves. They could be telling a story, offering an opinion, or even subtly shifting the focus from someone else’s achievement to their own.
They’re like chameleons, blending seamlessly into social situations and making it seem natural that they’re at the center of it all. But look closely and you’ll see a pattern – they always find a way to make themselves the main character in any situation.
And while it’s not inherently harmful to enjoy attention, when it becomes a consistent pattern, it might be a sign of something more.
2) They cannot handle criticism
Another behavior that signals you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist is their inability to handle criticism.
Let me share a personal story. I had a friend, let’s call him Sam. Sam was charming, funny and always the life of the party. But when it came to accepting any form of criticism, even constructive one, he would become defensive and argumentative.
One time, I gently pointed out a mistake in a project we were working on together. Instead of acknowledging the error, he immediately started justifying his actions and shifting the blame onto others. His ego couldn’t handle the idea of being wrong or making a mistake.
If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells around someone for fear of setting off their defensive reactions, you might be dealing with a low-key narcissist.
3) They lack empathy
Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a fundamental aspect of human connection. However, for a low-key narcissist, empathy doesn’t come naturally.
They might show interest in your experiences or emotions if it serves their purpose, but they rarely show genuine concern for how you’re feeling. Instead, they tend to dismiss or minimize your emotions if they don’t align with their own needs and wants.
If you often feel unheard or invalidated when expressing your feelings to someone, it could be a sign that you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist.
4) They exploit others without guilt
Low-key narcissists have a knack for using people to their advantage. They’re not above exploiting others for their personal gain and they do it without showing any signs of remorse or guilt.
They might use flattery or charm to get what they want, or manipulate situations in their favor. This exploitation is often done subtly and cunningly, making it hard to recognize until the damage has been done.
For example, they may borrow money with no intention of paying it back, or use a friend’s connection to land a job, without any consideration of the consequences for the other person.
If you notice someone regularly taking advantage of others without expressing any guilt or gratitude, it’s a red flag that you could be dealing with a low-key narcissist.
5) They have a grandiose sense of self
Despite their subtlety, low-key narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance. They view themselves as superior and believe they deserve special treatment.
They often fantasize about success and power, even if their achievements don’t match their dreams. They believe they are unique and can only be understood by or associate with other special or high-status people.
This grandiosity may not be overtly displayed, but it’s often revealed in the way they talk about themselves and their accomplishments. They’re not shy about making their achievements sound more impressive than they actually are.
If you notice someone constantly boasting about their accomplishments, even when it’s not relevant to the conversation, it’s a strong sign that you could be dealing with a low-key narcissist.
6) They disregard your boundaries
In any healthy relationship, respect for personal boundaries is crucial. But for a low-key narcissist, your boundaries are often seen as challenges to be ignored or overcome.
They might repeatedly ask for favors even when you’ve made it clear you’re uncomfortable. Or they may invade your personal space, dismiss your feelings, or make inappropriate comments without considering how it affects you.
This disregard for your boundaries isn’t due to ignorance. Rather, it’s a deliberate attempt to fulfill their own needs without considering yours.
If you constantly feel like your boundaries are being crossed despite having communicated them clearly, it could be an indication that you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist. It’s a heartbreaking realization but recognizing this behavior is a crucial step towards protecting yourself and your emotional well-being.
7) They are never wrong
Ever tried having a debate with someone who just refuses to accept they might be wrong? I have.
My old roommate, let’s call her Anna, was a classic example of this. She was a smart woman, no doubt, but she had this unshakeable belief that she was always right.
The most trivial of disagreements could turn into a heated argument because Anna simply couldn’t accept the possibility of being wrong. It didn’t matter if you presented facts or logical reasoning, she would find a way to twist the narrative to fit her perspective.
This insistence on always being right is a common trait of low-key narcissists. They view any disagreement as an attack on their superiority, and they’ll go to great lengths to avoid admitting they’re wrong.
8) They can be charming and charismatic
Narcissists aren’t always unpleasant or difficult. In fact, they can often be incredibly charming and charismatic.
They know how to make a good first impression, attract people towards them, and can be quite entertaining. This charm is part of their arsenal – a tool they use to draw people in, gain their trust, and ultimately control the narrative.
But this charm often has an expiry date. Once they’ve gained your trust and feel secure, the charm may fade and their true colors start to show.
If you notice someone who’s overly charming, always knows what to say and when to say it but seems to change once they’re comfortable, it might be a sign that you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist. Don’t be fooled by the charisma, look for consistency in behavior.
9) They have a sense of entitlement
A strong sense of entitlement is another sign you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist. They believe they deserve special treatment and that rules don’t apply to them.
They expect others to cater to their needs without having to reciprocate. Whether it’s expecting you to adjust your schedule to fit theirs, demanding immediate responses to their messages, or assuming you’ll cover for their mistakes, their needs and wants always come first.
Their sense of entitlement isn’t always blatant. It can be subtle, like making you feel guilty for not meeting their expectations or subtly implying that their needs are more important than yours.
If you notice someone in your life displaying these behaviors, it could be a sign that you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist.
10) They lack genuine remorse
Perhaps the most telling sign of a low-key narcissist is their inability to feel and express genuine remorse. When they hurt or offend someone, they rarely feel bad about it.
Instead of expressing sincere apologies, they might offer half-hearted excuses or even blame the other person for being too sensitive. In severe cases, they might not even acknowledge that they’ve done something wrong.
This lack of remorse shows a disregard for other people’s feelings, and an inability to take responsibility for their actions. If you notice this quality in someone, it’s a clear sign that you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist.
Final thoughts: It’s about understanding, not judgement
Navigating relationships with low-key narcissists can be a minefield. But understanding these behaviors is a crucial first step.
Remember, these traits are often a result of deep-seated insecurities and an inability to form healthy relationships, not necessarily a deliberate attempt to cause harm.
Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School, explains that narcissism isn’t about love or hate for oneself but rather a “addiction to feeling special.”
Recognizing these behaviors isn’t about labeling or judging someone, but about equipping yourself with the knowledge to make informed decisions in your interactions.
So reflect on these signs, not with a sense of fear or judgement, but with an understanding that might help you navigate your relationships more effectively.
