We all like to think we’re in control of our own lives, making decisions that reflect who we are and what we want.
But the truth is, in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s easy to get swept away without even noticing.
You might find yourself ticking off the boxes of societal expectations—get a job, buy a house, start a family. But are you truly living life on your own terms?
I’ve been there, caught up in the whirlwind of doing what was expected rather than what felt authentic. It took a lot of introspection and courage to step off that well-trodden path and carve out my own.
Now, I want to share the signs that alerted me to the fact I wasn’t living my life in accordance with my truest self. Here are eight subtle signs that psychology suggests you aren’t truly living life on your own terms.
1) You’re following someone else’s script
We all grow up with scripts—societal narratives about what constitutes a “successful” life. These scripts often include getting a high-paying job, buying a house, marrying, and having kids.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with these things, but they become problematic when pursued without question, simply because “that’s what people do.”
Living life on your own terms means challenging these narratives and forging your own path.
It means questioning whether the life you’re living aligns with your deepest values and desires. Are you chasing your dreams or somebody else’s?
I once found myself living a life that looked perfect on paper, but I felt unfulfilled. I was following a script that wasn’t written by me.
It was only when I began to question this script that I started living authentically.
Remember, you are the author of your life story. If you find yourself following someone else’s script, it might be time to start rewriting. Live a life that is truly yours, not someone else’s idea of it.
2) Fear is driving your decisions
Fear can be a powerful motivator. It often pushes us to play it safe, to stick to the familiar, and avoid taking risks.
But when fear becomes the primary driver of our decisions, we stop living life on our own terms.
I used to let fear dictate my choices—fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of the unknown.
But I realized that by letting fear control me, I was missing out on opportunities for growth and exploration.
It’s important to acknowledge our fears, but not let them paralyze us. We need to face them head-on and make decisions that align with our values and aspirations, not our anxieties.
As Susan Jeffers famously said in her book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway,” “The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.”
3) You’re trapped by societal conditioning
Societal conditioning can trap us in a box of expectations and norms. It subtly influences our decisions and molds our worldview, often leading us to live a life that doesn’t truly feel like ours.
I’ve been there, feeling like I was living someone else’s life. It took a deep dive into my beliefs and values, and a strong desire for authenticity, to break free from this conditioning.
One resource that was instrumental in my journey is the “Free Your Mind” masterclass guided by shaman Rudá Iandê. I believe so strongly in the transformative power of this masterclass that I co-produced it through The Vessel.
This enlightening journey helps to dismantle societal myths and self-limiting beliefs, leading you towards greater authenticity and freedom.
In the masterclass, Rudá Iandê offers practical exercises to align thoughts and actions with personal values, fostering improved mental clarity and emotional resilience.
If you’re feeling boxed in by societal expectations, I urge you to check out the “Free Your Mind” masterclass. It’s your key to breaking free from societal conditioning and embracing your true nature.
4) You’re living for validation, not fulfillment
It’s an uncomfortable truth, but many of us live our lives seeking validation from others.
We crave approval, applause, “likes” on social media. We gauge our worth based on how others perceive us.
But living for validation is a surefire way to lose touch with our authentic selves.
I’ve found that the more I sought validation, the further I strayed from who I really was. I was playing a role, trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t truly me.
It was exhausting and unfulfilling.
Living life on your own terms means seeking fulfillment, not validation.
It means doing what brings you joy and satisfaction, regardless of what others might think. It’s about celebrating your unique journey and honoring your true self.
Are you living for validation or fulfillment? Who are you when no one else is watching?
5) You’re avoiding failure
There’s a common narrative in our society that failure is something to be avoided at all costs. We’re taught to fear it, to see it as a sign of weakness or incompetence.
But in reality, failure is one of our greatest teachers.
I’ve failed many times in my life, and each failure has brought me valuable lessons and insights. It’s through these experiences that I’ve grown and evolved, learning more about myself and the world around me.
Avoiding failure means avoiding growth. It means staying in your comfort zone and missing out on the opportunity to learn and evolve.
Living life on your own terms involves embracing failure as an integral part of your journey.
Failure isn’t something to be feared—it’s something to be embraced. It’s through our failures that we find our strength and resilience.
6) You’re disconnected from your values
In a world that often prioritizes external achievements over internal alignment, it’s all too easy to lose touch with our core values.
When we disconnect from our values, we end up living life on society’s terms, not our own.
Remember when I said I was living a life that looked perfect on paper?
It was because I had become disconnected from my values. I was chasing external success rather than seeking internal alignment.
Reconnecting with your values and aligning them with your actions is a powerful step towards living life on your own terms.
So if you’re feeling unfulfilled or disconnected, take some time to reflect on your values. Are they reflected in your life? Or have you wandered off course?
7) You’re neglecting community
Our culture often glorifies individual achievement and independence. But living life on your own terms doesn’t mean going it alone. In fact, community and relationships are crucial for a fulfilling life.
I’ve learned the importance of community firsthand.
Despite my successes, I felt incomplete without a supportive community around me. It’s through our connections with others that we find the courage to be our authentic selves.
Living life on your own terms means cultivating authentic relationships and being part of a supportive community.
So ask yourself this; Are you nurturing your relationships and community? Or are you trying to do it all alone?
8) You’re not taking responsibility for your life
It’s easy to blame external circumstances or other people for our problems. But true empowerment comes from taking full responsibility for our lives.
I’ve come to understand that no matter what happens to me, I’m responsible for how I respond. This shift in perspective has been transformative, helping me to live life on my own terms.
Taking responsibility means focusing on what we can control—our attitudes, actions, and responses. It’s about making choices that align with our values and aspirations.
Embracing authenticity
Living life on your own terms is one of the most empowering things you can do, but it’s easy to get caught up in expectations, routines, and the pressures of those around us.
By recognizing the subtle signs that you may not be living authentically, you give yourself the chance to break free from those constraints and design a life that truly reflects your values, passions, and desires.
If you’re ready to take the leap and start living life on your terms, I highly recommend the free “Free Your Mind” masterclass with Rudá Iandê. This masterclass, which I co-produced, is designed to help you break free from limiting beliefs and societal conditioning.
Joining this masterclass is a significant step towards creating a fulfilling and authentic life that truly reflects who you are.
Remember, only you can write your life story—make it one that resonates with your truest self.
