There’s a thin line between love and loss of self.
That line? Boundaries.
In relationships, it’s easy to blur personal boundaries in the name of love. However, it’s crucial to maintain them, even when you’re head over heels.
Setting boundaries isn’t about putting up walls or distancing yourself from your partner. It’s about respecting each other’s individuality while still being together.
In this article, I’ll share the seven boundaries you should always uphold in a relationship, no matter how deeply in love you are. Love is not an excuse to lose yourself.
1) Personal space
Everyone needs a little room to breathe.
Personal space isn’t just about physical distance. It’s also about having time to yourself, without your partner.
Even in the most love-struck relationship, it’s vital to have time for personal activities, interests, and even solitude.
Being in love doesn’t mean you have to be together all the time. In fact, spending every waking moment together can lead to feeling smothered or losing your sense of self.
So, remember to respect each other’s personal space and time. It’s not about being distant; it’s about maintaining individuality within your shared life.
This boundary ensures that you both can grow as individuals while also growing together. And that’s the hallmark of a healthy relationship.
2) Emotional boundaries
Emotions are personal. They belong to us, and it’s essential to own them in a relationship.
I remember a time in my past relationship when my partner would often get upset over things that didn’t bother me at all. At first, I found myself getting upset as well, even though I wasn’t directly affected by the situation.
I realized that I was absorbing my partner’s emotions as my own, which wasn’t healthy for either of us. It blurred the emotional boundaries between us.
So, I made a conscious effort to stop this pattern. Instead of automatically adopting my partner’s emotions, I would acknowledge their feelings, empathize with them, but also maintain that these feelings were not my own.
This didn’t mean I became emotionally detached. But it helped me maintain my emotional health while still being there for my partner.
Keeping emotional boundaries intact is about respecting each other’s feelings while not letting them dictate your own emotional state. This helps keep your relationship balanced and emotionally healthy.
3) Financial boundaries
Money is one of the most common topics couples argue about.
It’s important to have open and honest discussions about finances in a relationship. Both partners should have an understanding of their financial situation and make decisions together.
However, it’s also crucial to maintain some level of financial independence. Each person should have access to their own money and the freedom to spend it as they see fit, within reason.
Setting financial boundaries is not about keeping secrets. It’s about respecting each partner’s financial autonomy while having a shared understanding and agreement about managing joint finances.
4) Past relationship boundaries
Everyone has a past. And in many cases, that past includes previous relationships.
It’s natural to be curious about your partner’s past relationships, but it’s also important to respect boundaries here. Constantly bringing up or questioning about past relationships can create unnecessary tension and insecurity.
Your relationship should be about the present and the future, not the past. It’s okay to discuss past relationships when relevant or necessary, but they shouldn’t become a frequent topic of conversation.
Respecting this boundary means focusing on building your own unique bond, rather than dwelling on what came before. After all, your partner is with you now. That’s what really matters.
5) Social boundaries
I love my partner dearly, but we have different social needs.
I’m more of an introvert, needing quiet time to recharge, while my partner is a social butterfly who thrives on being around people.
At first, this led to some tension. I felt pressured to attend every social event, and my partner couldn’t understand why I would want to stay home and read a book.
We both had to learn and respect each other’s social boundaries. We found a balance: I attended some events with my partner and they understood when I needed time alone.
This balance allowed us to enjoy our social lives in a way that suited both of us. It also helped us appreciate the different aspects we bring into our relationship.
Respecting each other’s social boundaries is vital. It’s about understanding that your partner’s social needs might be different from yours and finding a balance that works for both of you.
6) Personal belief boundaries
In any relationship, there will be differences. These differences might be in terms of personal beliefs, values, or opinions.
Your partner might have different political views, religious beliefs, or opinions on certain matters. And that’s okay. A healthy relationship isn’t about agreeing on everything. It’s about respecting each other’s beliefs and opinions, even when they differ from yours.
You don’t have to change your beliefs to align with your partner’s nor should you expect them to change theirs.
It’s these differences that often add depth and variety to a relationship. They offer opportunities for learning and growth, as long as they are respected and valued.
Set a boundary of mutual respect for personal beliefs. Agree to disagree when necessary, and always maintain a respectful dialogue about your differences.
7) Communication boundaries
At the heart of every healthy relationship is effective communication.
However, even communication needs boundaries. It’s about understanding when to talk, when to listen, and when to give each other space.
It’s important to establish a safe environment where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.
Also, remember that not everything needs to be shared. Each partner has the right to keep certain thoughts or experiences private if they choose.
Respect in communication means understanding that your partner is not obligated to share everything with you and vice versa. It’s about fostering an environment of trust and openness while respecting each other’s privacy.
This boundary of respectful communication forms the backbone of a strong, lasting relationship.
In conclusion: It’s all about balance
The dance of love is a delicate balance. It’s a choreography between two distinct individuals, each with their own rhythm, style, and pace.
Boundaries in a relationship are not walls or barriers. They are the guidelines that help create that balance. They provide the structure within which love can grow and flourish, without losing individuality.
Establishing and maintaining boundaries does not dilute the intensity of love. In fact, it enhances it. It fosters respect, understanding, and mutual growth.
As Virginia Satir, a renowned family therapist once said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” This beautifully encapsulates the essence of boundaries in relationships – they provide the space we need to survive, maintain, and grow.
Maintaining boundaries in a relationship isn’t about keeping score or holding back. It’s about creating a space where both individuals can be their authentic selves, growing together while also growing individually.
Remember, love is not just about two people losing themselves in each other. It’s about two individuals enhancing each other’s lives while also staying true to themselves. And that is where the beauty of love truly lies.
