Creating a lasting bond with your adult children can be a surprisingly tricky task.
As a parent, your actions – even those made with the best intentions – can often create unintentional barriers.
The key is to avoid certain behaviors that may strain this precious relationship.
In this article, I’ll share nine behaviors you should bid farewell to if you aim to nurture a strong bond with your adult children. Remember, the goal is to respect their adulthood while maintaining your parental role.
Let’s dive in.
1) Overstepping boundaries
One of the key components of any healthy relationship is respect – this is no different when it comes to your adult children.
As parents, there’s a natural tendency to want to step in and guide our children’s lives, even when they’re no longer children. However, it’s important to remember that they’re adults now, capable of making their own decisions.
Crossing those boundaries – whether it’s providing unsolicited advice, invading their privacy or making decisions on their behalf – can strain the relationship and create distance between you and your adult child.
If you want to maintain that close bond with them, it might be time to say goodbye to overstepping their boundaries. Recognize their independence and make a conscious effort to respect their autonomy.
While it may be difficult at first, this respect for their personal boundaries will go a long way in fostering a stronger relationship with your adult child.
2) Constant criticism
We all want the best for our kids, right? I know I do. But sometimes, our good intentions can come across as harsh and unconstructive criticism.
In my own experience, I noticed a growing distance between my adult daughter and me. On reflection, I realized I was often quick to criticize her decisions, from her career choices to her lifestyle.
I thought I was just showing concern, giving advice. But in reality? I was undermining her confidence and autonomy.
It was hard to admit, but my constant criticism was hurting our relationship. So, I made a choice – say goodbye to this behavior. Instead of criticizing, I started listening more, understanding her perspective.
Did it make a difference? Absolutely! Our relationship improved tremendously and we’re closer than ever.
Constructive feedback is one thing but constant criticism can be detrimental. So, consider if it’s time to let go of this behavior for the sake of your relationship with your adult child.
3) Not acknowledging their maturity
When your child was small, you were their entire world. You made decisions for them, guided them, and they looked up to you for everything. But as your child grows into an adult, this dynamic naturally changes.
Research shows that adult children who feel their parents treat them as equals tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. This means recognizing their maturity and treating them as adults, not as the kids they once were.
This shift in the parent-child dynamic isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary. It means letting go of the need to parent in the traditional sense and instead building a bond based on mutual respect and understanding.
If you’re still treating your adult child like they’re still in elementary school, it might be time to say goodbye to this behavior. Embrace their maturity and watch your relationship flourish!
4) Avoiding difficult conversations
It’s only natural to want to maintain peace and avoid conflict in your relationships. But sometimes, this can lead us to steer clear of difficult conversations with our adult children.
Whether it’s about financial matters, lifestyle choices, or personal issues, avoiding these topics can create a barrier in your relationship.
Open communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. It’s important to create a safe space where your adult children feel comfortable discussing any issue, no matter how tough it may be.
It might be uncomfortable initially, but in the long run, it’ll strengthen your bond with your adult children.
5) Ignoring their interests
Every individual is unique, with their own set of interests, passions, and hobbies. This includes your adult children.
Maybe your son loves rock music, while you’re more of a classical fan. Or perhaps your daughter is passionate about veganism, while you can’t imagine a meal without meat.
Ignoring these interests or dismissing them as trivial or insignificant can create a feeling of disconnect between you and your adult child.
Instead, take an active interest in their passions. It doesn’t mean you have to adopt their hobbies as your own, but showing genuine curiosity in what they love can go a long way in maintaining a strong bond.
6) Holding onto past mistakes
We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. But as parents, it can be tough to let go of the mistakes our adult children made in the past.
Maybe they made some poor choices during their teenage years or hurt you in some way. Holding onto these past mistakes and bringing them up repeatedly can strain your relationship and prevent it from moving forward.
It’s important to remember that our adult children are not the same people they were when they made those mistakes. They’ve grown, matured, and learned from their experiences.
If you want to maintain a strong bond with your adult children, it’s essential to let go of the past and forgive their mistakes. It’s not about forgetting what happened, but about allowing the relationship to heal and progress.
Letting go is not always easy, but it’s a crucial step towards fostering a stronger bond with your adult children. It’s about giving them – and yourself – a chance at a fresh start. Remember, everyone deserves forgiveness and the opportunity to grow from their past.
7) Neglecting to express love
There was a time when I assumed my children knew how much I loved them, without me having to say it out loud. I thought my actions were enough. But over time, I realized that expressing love verbally is just as important, if not more.
Just like anyone else, our adult children need to hear that they are loved. This simple affirmation can make a world of difference in your relationship with them.
Whether it’s through words or small gestures, make it a habit to remind your adult children of your unconditional love for them. It’s a small step, but one that can bring about a significant change in your relationship.
If you’ve been holding back from expressing your love verbally, it might be time to say goodbye to this behavior. Love is better felt when it’s both shown and told.
8) Failing to listen
Listening seems like a simple thing, right? But in reality, truly listening – giving your undivided attention, empathizing, and responding thoughtfully – is an art that requires practice.
If your adult child is sharing something with you, it’s important to really listen to what they’re saying. Interrupting, offering unsolicited advice, or dismissing their feelings can make them feel unheard and unvalued.
Failing to listen can create a communication gap between you and your adult child and can strain your relationship.
If you’ve been guilty of not really listening, it might be time to say goodbye to this behavior. Next time your adult child wants to talk, take the time to truly listen. It will not only make them feel valued but also strengthen your bond with them.
9) Not giving them space
The most crucial aspect of maintaining a strong bond with your adult children is understanding the importance of giving them space.
As our children grow into adults, they need room to explore their own identities, make their own mistakes, and live their own lives. Clinging too tightly or being overly involved can make them feel suffocated and may push them away.
Giving them space doesn’t mean you’re abandoning them. It’s about trusting them to make their own decisions and respecting their need for independence.
If you’ve been hovering a little too much, it might be time to say goodbye to this behavior. Trust in the values you’ve instilled in them and let them fly. Remember, the most beautiful relationships are those where love is a choice, not an obligation.
Final thoughts: It’s all about balance
Maintaining a strong bond with your adult children is a delicate dance between guidance and independence, between holding on and letting go.
The essence of this relationship lies in recognizing that our adult children are fully grown individuals, capable of making their own decisions and living their own lives. It’s about giving them the space to grow while still offering love, support, and guidance when needed.
Psychiatrist Harold Hulburt once said, “Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.” This holds true even when our children are no longer children, but adults.
Saying goodbye to these nine behaviors will not only help maintain a strong bond with your adult children, but also allow them to flourish as independent adults.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to balance. A balance between showing love and giving space, between listening and advising, between remembering the past and embracing the present.
And perhaps most importantly, it’s about understanding that our role as parents evolves as our children grow into adults. It’s about learning to navigate this new dynamic while keeping the bond with our children strong and healthy.
It’s a challenging journey, no doubt. But one that is filled with immense love and rewarding in ways beyond measure.
