For years, I considered myself a decent judge of character.
You know the type—someone who could confidently read people like a book, predicting their actions, understanding their motives, and figuring out what makes them tick.
But over time, I came to realize it wasn’t that simple.
Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast.
It wasn’t that my assumptions were always wrong—they were sometimes spot on. But just as often, I found myself misjudging people, which led me to wonder: What was I getting wrong, and why?
This realization sparked my curiosity, pushing me to dig deeper into psychology to understand why we make assumptions about others—and how often they miss the mark.
What I learned was eye-opening: while some assumptions can be accurate, many are based on biases and incomplete information.
In this article, I’ll share seven key things we should never assume about others. These insights have reshaped the way I approach people, and I hope they can do the same for you.
Let’s dive in.
1) Everyone thinks the same way you do
This was my first assumption that got debunked by psychology.
We often believe our perspective is the ‘standard’ one, and we expect others to see the world just as we do. After all, it makes sense to us, right?
But here’s the thing: every individual has a unique set of experiences, beliefs, and values that shape their perspective. They might see things entirely differently than you do.
This realization hit me hard. I had been expecting people to react the same way I would in a given situation, and when they didn’t, I’d get frustrated or confused.
Learning this prompted me to start listening more. Instead of assuming I knew what someone was thinking or feeling, I started asking them questions, trying to understand their perspective better.
And it turned out to be a game-changer for my relationships.
2) People’s behavior is a reflection of their character
I used to believe that a person’s actions were a direct reflection of who they are at their core.
I remember an incident with a coworker who was usually friendly and cooperative. One day, he was unexpectedly rude and dismissive. I immediately labeled him as “mean” and “unfriendly”.
But then I learned about the concept of “fundamental attribution error”.
This is a term coined by psychologist Lee Ross, which describes our tendency to attribute people’s behavior to their character, while ignoring the impact of their circumstances.
In reality, my coworker was going through a tough divorce at the time. His behavior wasn’t a reflection of his character, but a reaction to his circumstances.
Understanding this can make you more empathetic and less judgmental.
3) Success equals happiness
For a long time, I held the assumption that successful people were inherently happier.
I believed that if someone was wealthy, famous, or highly accomplished, they must be content and satisfied with life.
Here’s an example: a close friend of mine secured a high-paying job at a top tech company. He was successful by all conventional measures.
But despite his achievements and wealth, he was deeply unhappy in his personal life.
It shocked me.
Delving deeper into this topic, I learned that happiness is subjective and often unrelated to societal status or wealth. What brings joy to one person may not bring the same joy to another.
Success is not a sure-shot path to happiness.
I used to think that the more friends I had, the better my social life would be.
But over time, I’ve come to realize that it’s not about quantity but quality.
It’s not about how many friends you have, but the depth of the relationships you share with them. A few deep, meaningful relationships can be more satisfying than a hundred superficial ones.
So here’s a practical tip: instead of trying to increase your friend count, invest time and effort in deepening your existing relationships.
Get to know your friends on a deeper level. Share your dreams, fears, and aspirations with them and invite them to do the same.
5) Extroverts are inherently self-centered
I recall a time when, in social settings, I frequently encountered individuals who were outgoing and dominant in conversation. I often found myself assuming they were primarily interested in themselves.
But then I came across a quote from the renowned psychologist Carl Jung:
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
This made me realize that communication is always a two-way street. The outgoing individuals I encountered weren’t necessarily self-centered – they were just expressing their extroverted nature.
As an introvert myself, I began to understand that just as I express myself by listening and observing, extroverts express themselves by talking and engaging.
It wasn’t about being self-centered but about how they processed their thoughts and emotions.
Just because someone is outgoing, it doesn’t mean they’re only interested in themselves. They’re just being true to their personality type, and we all have our unique ways of interacting with the world.
6) Quiet people are unfriendly
Just as extroverts can be misjudged as self-centered due to their outgoing nature, quiet people are often labeled as aloof or unfriendly.
However, being reserved is simply how many introverts navigate social settings.
While extroverts process their thoughts through conversation, introverts often prefer to reflect internally before speaking.
Their quietness doesn’t stem from disinterest—it’s a different way of engaging with the world.
Introverts tend to listen and observe, absorbing information before sharing their insights, which may make their contributions more thoughtful and meaningful.
They often thrive in deeper, one-on-one conversations rather than group settings, where they may feel overshadowed.
7) People don’t change
I used to believe that people were set in their ways and couldn’t change. But a study I came across challenged that assumption.
Conducted by Roberts, Walton, and Viechtbauer (2006), the study shows that personality traits aren’t fixed over time.
Their meta-analysis of longitudinal studies revealed that traits like agreeableness, conscientiousness, and emotional stability often increase with age, suggesting that people can become more emotionally resilient and harmonious over time.
This realization was a wake-up call for me. It made me understand that change, while difficult, is possible.
Next time you think someone can’t change, remember: people have the capacity for growth and transformation at any stage in life.
Source: ResearchGate
Conclusion
As we navigate relationships and interactions, it’s important to remember that our assumptions, no matter how well-intentioned, are often incomplete.
What we see on the surface rarely tells the whole story.
People are shaped by their unique experiences, motivations, and personalities, which are constantly evolving.
By approaching others with curiosity instead of judgment, we open ourselves up to deeper understanding and connection.
Ultimately, the ability to recognize our own biases and adjust our perceptions is a powerful step toward building more empathetic, meaningful relationships.
