We’ve all come across someone who knows just how to pull the strings to get what they want, often without revealing their true intentions. We call these individuals manipulators.
However, the more cunning and high-level these manipulators are, the harder they can be to spot. But don’t worry, there are certain behaviors that can give them away.
In this article, I’m going to reveal 10 telltale signs that you’re dealing with a high-level manipulator. This way, you’ll be equipped to spot them before they have a chance to sway your actions or decisions.
Let’s get started.
1) They use your emotions against you
Manipulators are masters at detecting and exploiting your emotional vulnerabilities.
These individuals have a knack for sensing what makes you tick, what scares you, what makes you happy, or even what makes you feel guilty. And they use this information to orchestrate situations to their advantage.
They play on your emotions, making you feel guilty or obligated to do what they want. They might use flattery to make you feel special, or create a sense of urgency to pressure you into making quick decisions.
When someone starts using your emotions as their playground, it’s a sign that they might be a high-level manipulator. Always remember that it’s okay to step back and assess the situation from an emotional distance.
2) They twist the truth to their favor
I remember dealing with a high-level manipulator who had a knack for bending the truth. Let’s call him “John.”
John was a master of taking facts and twisting them ever so slightly to serve his purpose. He’d recount events or conversations in ways that put him in a more favorable light, or that made his ideas seem more valid.
Once, we were discussing project strategies in a meeting. John suggested an idea that I wasn’t entirely on board with. Later, when he was recounting this meeting to our boss, he claimed that I had wholeheartedly agreed with his plan.
His version of the story left me flabbergasted. It wasn’t an outright lie, but it was enough of a twist to manipulate the perception of others.
When you notice someone consistently reshaping the truth like this, it’s a big red flag. You’re probably dealing with a high-level manipulator.
3) They always play the victim
High-level manipulators have a tendency to play the victim, even when they’re at fault. They use this as a tactic to divert attention away from their actions and to gain sympathy.
For instance, in a workplace scenario, if they fail to meet a deadline, they’d spin the narrative so that it seems like it was due to circumstances beyond their control. It could be blaming the workload, other team members or even personal issues.
This behavior is actually rooted in psychology. It’s known as the “victim complex” or “martyr complex”, and it’s a way for manipulators to avoid taking responsibility for their actions while also gaining sympathy and control over others.
When someone consistently portrays themselves as the victim, despite evidence to the contrary, beware. This is a classic sign of a high-level manipulator.
4) They’re incredibly charming… at first
Have you ever met someone who just seemed too good to be true? They were incredibly charming, charismatic, and seemed to take a genuine interest in you?
Well, high-level manipulators are often skilled at creating this exact impression. They know how to make a great first impression and quickly win your trust.
But over time, you may notice inconsistencies between their charming facade and their actual behavior. They might become dismissive, controlling, or even cruel once they feel they’ve secured your trust.
This switch from charm to harm is a classic manipulation tactic. So if someone seems unnaturally charming, be cautious. They might just be trying to manipulate you.
5) They’re skilled at deflecting blame
One thing high-level manipulators excel at is avoiding blame. They’ll twist and turn any situation to ensure that the spotlight of blame never lands on them.
For example, if a project they were leading fails, instead of owning up to any mistakes, they might point fingers at team members, external circumstances, or even you. They’re skilled at turning the tables and making others feel responsible for their own failures.
If you notice someone consistently deflecting blame and pointing fingers, it’s a good indication they may be a high-level manipulator. It’s their way of maintaining control and dodging accountability.
6) They use guilt as a tool
Perhaps one of the most hurtful tactics used by high-level manipulators is guilt. They’re experts at making you feel guilty for things you shouldn’t feel responsible for.
Imagine a friend who constantly makes you feel bad for not spending enough time with them, even when you’re juggling a busy schedule. Or a partner who makes you feel guilty for pursuing your own interests, blaming you for not considering their feelings.
These manipulators know that by making you feel guilty, they can control your actions and decisions. It’s a painful experience, as it often involves questioning your own worth and judgement.
Everyone has the right to their own time and interests. If someone consistently makes you feel guilty about this, it’s a sign of manipulation. You don’t have to feel guilty for living your life.
7) They gaslight you
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic that high-level manipulators often use. It involves making you doubt your own perceptions, memory, or sanity.
I’ll never forget my encounter with a gaslighter. I had a colleague who would constantly undermine my ideas in meetings. When I confronted him about it, he’d simply deny it ever happened, suggesting maybe I was imagining things or being too sensitive.
This constant denial and questioning of my perception shook my confidence. It made me second guess myself and question my own abilities.
It’s a disturbing form of manipulation because it targets your sense of reality. If you find someone constantly making you question your own memory or perceptions, they might be gaslighting you – a clear sign of manipulation.
8) They’re overly helpful
This might seem odd, but sometimes, being too helpful can be a sign of manipulation. High-level manipulators often use acts of kindness as a means to an end.
For example, they might offer to assist with a task or solve a problem for you. While this may seem generous on the surface, their true motive could be to gain leverage or create a sense of obligation.
By constantly helping out, they position themselves as indispensable. This gives them power and control, as you may feel indebted to them or reliant on their assistance.
If someone is persistently offering help, even when it’s not needed or asked for, take a moment to consider their motives. It might not be pure altruism after all.
9) They’re constantly testing your boundaries
High-level manipulators have a knack for testing and pushing your boundaries. They might start with small things, like showing up late or cancelling plans at the last minute.
With time, these small infractions can morph into bigger issues. They might start demanding more of your time, infringe on your personal space, or dismiss your feelings.
The aim is to gradually make you more accepting of their behavior. Before you know it, they’ve crossed lines you never thought you would tolerate.
If you find someone consistently testing and overstepping your boundaries, it’s a clear sign of manipulation. Remember, everyone has the right to set their own limits and have them respected.
10) They isolate you from your support system
This is perhaps one of the most dangerous tactics used by high-level manipulators: isolating you from your friends, family, or anyone who could provide you with support or an outside perspective.
They might do this subtly, by belittling the people close to you or creating conflicts that force you to choose sides. The goal is to make you dependent on them and them alone.
If you find yourself drifting away from your support system due to someone’s influence, it’s a major red flag. Never let anyone cut you off from the people who genuinely care about you. It’s a cornerstone of manipulation and control.
One final thought: It’s about self-preservation
At the heart of this conversation about manipulators, is the essence of self-preservation.
It’s crucial to remember that recognizing manipulation isn’t about judging or villainizing others, but rather about protecting ourselves from potential harm.
Clinical psychologist Dr. George Simon, an expert on manipulative behaviors, once said, “Understanding the nature of manipulative behavior is our best first line of defense.” This knowledge arms us with the power to set boundaries and maintain our mental and emotional health.
By recognizing these behaviors, we’re not just spotting manipulators, we’re taking steps to safeguard our well-being. We’re choosing not to be victims, but advocates for our own emotional health.
So as we navigate life’s complexities, let’s remember to be vigilant, to trust our instincts, and above all, to prioritize our own well-being. Because every individual has the right to live free from manipulation and control.
