There’s a clear distinction between genuine confidence and a façade of it.
When a man lacks self-esteem but tries to project confidence, it often results in certain behaviors that are easy to spot once you know what to look for.
In this article, I’m going to reveal seven behaviors commonly displayed by men who are pretending to be confident when in reality, they’re grappling with their self-esteem.
Let’s get started.
1) Overcompensation
One of the primary telltale signs of men who lack self-esteem but pretend to be confident is overcompensation.
Overcompensation is, in essence, an exaggerated attempt to cover up insecurities. It’s like a smokescreen, a way to divert attention from the areas they feel insecure about.
The tricky part is, this overcompensation can take many forms. It could be boasting about achievements, showing off material possessions, or even dominating conversations.
The common thread here is excessiveness. These men often go above and beyond to project an image of success and strength to hide their vulnerabilities.
But remember, true confidence doesn’t need to shout. It’s usually quiet, secure in its standing without the need for constant validation or proof.
2) Defensive behavior
I’ve noticed over time that defensive behavior is another common trait in men who lack self-esteem but try to appear confident.
Let me share a personal example. I had a friend, let’s call him John. He was always the first to jump into any argument, defending his point of view fiercely, even when it was evident that he was wrong. It always struck me as odd because he projected this image of being comfortable and confident.
Eventually, I realized that his defensive behavior was a shield. Being challenged or corrected made him feel insecure, and he responded by becoming overly defensive to protect his image of confidence.
The thing is, genuinely confident people are open to different perspectives and can admit when they are wrong. They see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. But for John, and others like him, admitting fault felt like exposing a weakness, so they would rather vehemently defend their stance.
This is why defensiveness can be seen as a red flag for hidden self-esteem issues masked by false confidence.
3) Frequent comparison
Men with low self-esteem, masquerading as confident, often find themselves caught in the trap of constant comparison.
Psychologists have found that people who habitually compare themselves with others often struggle with low self-esteem. It’s a cycle – they compare themselves to feel better, but the comparison only amplifies their insecurities when they don’t measure up.
In their attempt to appear confident, they may frequently bring up how they are doing better than others in various aspects. It’s their way of seeking validation and trying to convince themselves and others of their worth.
But the truth is, genuine confidence comes from being comfortable with oneself, regardless of where others stand. Constantly comparing oneself to others is a sign that someone is battling with their self-esteem, even if they’re trying to project an image of confidence.
4) Seeking constant validation
Another behavior often seen in men who lack self-esteem but pretend to be confident is the constant need for validation.
It might seem counterintuitive at first, but think about it. If a man is truly confident in himself, he wouldn’t require others to reaffirm his worth continually. He would know his value and wouldn’t depend on external validation.
However, for those masking their low self-esteem with false confidence, they often seek reassurance from people around them. This could be in the form of compliments, agreement with their ideas, or even just general approval.
This incessant need for validation is a clear sign that beneath the surface of their projected confidence, they’re grappling with self-doubt and insecurity.
5) Difficulty in expressing emotions
Some years ago, I was dating someone who always projected an air of confidence. He was charismatic, charming, and always seemed to know exactly what to say. But when it came to expressing emotions, he struggled.
It was as if he was afraid to show any vulnerability. Whether it was discussing his fears, showing affection, or even admitting when he was upset, he would always avoid or deflect the conversation.
Over time, I realized that this was his way of protecting his image of confidence. For him, showing emotions was a sign of weakness, and he didn’t want to expose that side of him.
From then on, I understood that difficulty in expressing emotions can be a sign of low self-esteem hiding behind a confident exterior. True confidence isn’t afraid of vulnerability; it embraces and accepts all aspects of oneself, including emotions.
6) Bravado in the face of fear
Men who lack self-esteem but feign confidence often display a behavior that can be described as ‘bravado in the face of fear’.
Fear is a normal human emotion. We all experience it in varying degrees and frequencies. However, those struggling with self-esteem issues often see fear as something to be hidden or masked, especially when they’re trying to project an image of confidence.
In such situations, they might act overly brave or reckless, trying to show that they are not afraid. This bravado is a way for them to mask their fear and convince others (and themselves) of their bravery and confidence.
But the truth is, admitting fear and dealing with it requires far more courage and confidence than pretending it doesn’t exist. Genuine confidence isn’t about never being afraid; it’s about acknowledging your fears and facing them head-on.
7) Overemphasis on physical appearance
One of the most significant signs of men who lack self-esteem but pretend to be confident is an overemphasis on physical appearance.
These men often spend an excessive amount of time and energy on their looks and physique. They believe that by appearing attractive or physically fit, they can project an image of confidence and hide their insecurities.
However, true confidence extends far beyond appearance. It’s about knowing your worth and value, irrespective of how you look. A man who is genuinely confident doesn’t rely on his physical appearance to validate his worth; he knows it comes from within.
