Emotional bullying in relationships isn’t always obvious.
Sometimes, a partner may exhibit certain behaviors without realizing the emotional impact they have—these actions can create a dynamic where one person feels intimidated, manipulated, or diminished.
The human heart is a convoluted maze and, often, the signs of emotional bullying aren’t as blatant as we’d like them to be.
If your partner displays these 8 behaviors, they might have a tendency to bully you emotionally—often without intending to.
Recognizing these signs is the first step toward addressing them and fostering a healthier, more balanced relationship, or leaving them to keep your peace:
1) They’re always right, and you’re always wrong
In the world of emotions, nothing is ever black and white.
Sometimes, you’re upset for no reason.
Other times, you’re happy without knowing why—and that’s okay, it’s just the way things are.
However, if your partner always insists they’re right and you’re wrong—especially when it comes to your feelings—that’s a red flag.
Empaths feel this the most; being sensitive to emotional shifts, they can sense when their partner is dismissing their feelings, making them question their own emotional reality.
2) They use your insecurities against you
When it comes to relationships, trust is everything.
You share your deepest fears, your darkest secrets, and your most embarrassing moments because you trust your partner, so when your partner uses those insecurities against you, it can feel like a betrayal.
I remember when I shared my fear of public speaking with a former partner—it was a vulnerability I entrusted to them, hoping for support and comfort.
Every time we argued, they brought it up: “No wonder you can’t speak in public,” they’d say, “You can’t even express yourself properly in private.”
It felt like a punch in the gut each time my fear was thrown back at me.
Remember, in a healthy relationship, your partner should be your safe haven, not the source of your pain.
3) They guilt-trip you for spending time with others
We’ve all heard the saying, “No man is an island.”
It speaks to our inherent need for social interaction and community.
We crave connections with family, friends, and colleagues—it’s a fundamental part of our human nature.
Making you feel guilty for spending time with others or making snide comments about your friends should automatically be considered as emotional bullying.
Having a strong social network outside of your relationship is healthy; research has even shown that people with a larger circle of friends tend to live longer.
Your world isn’t meant to revolve around a single person—you need a universe of connections to truly thrive.
4) They always play the victim
Being in a relationship isn’t a walk in the park—it’s more like a rollercoaster ride, with its ups and downs, twists and turns.
There will be disagreements and arguments, and that’s okay.
What’s not okay is when your partner always plays the victim, making you out to be the bad guy.
Should every disagreement ends with your partner saying something like “You always hurt me” or “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me”, then that’s where they cross the line.
5) They dismiss your feelings
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that feelings are not to be dismissed or belittled—they’re a part of us, and they’re important.
Consistently dismissing your feelings and brushing them off is a big no-no.
I’ve been there and, let me tell you, it’s not a good place to be; it can make you second-guess yourself, doubting if your feelings are valid or if you’re just being overly sensitive.
Your feelings are valid, and no one should ever make you feel otherwise—don’t let anyone make you think that your feelings don’t matter.
6) They shower you with affection… at their convenience
Sounds odd, right? After all, who doesn’t love a little affection from their partner?
Here’s the thing: If they’re only showing affection when it suits them—say, after an argument or when they want something—then that’s not genuine love.
It’s like they’re using their affection as a bargaining chip, giving it or withdrawing it based on their needs, not yours.
In a healthy relationship, affection isn’t a tool to be used for personal gain as it should be a genuine expression of love and care.
7) They’re hot one minute and cold the next
Consistency is key in any relationship; it gives you a sense of security, knowing that your partner is there for you, rain or shine.
When your partner’s moods are as unpredictable as the weather—for example, one moment they’re showering you with love, the next they’re giving you the cold shoulder—you can consider that as major red flag in the long run.
This emotional unpredictability can leave you walking on eggshells, constantly trying to avoid their next mood swing.
8) They make you feel like you’re not enough
This is perhaps the most significant red flag.
Constantly making you feel like you’re not enough—not smart enough, not attractive enough, not good enough—should be enough for you to turn around and walk away from them.
You are enough, just as you are—you don’t need to be more of this or less of that to be loved and respected.
Anyone who makes you feel otherwise doesn’t deserve a place in your life.
Reflections on emotional bullying
Delving into the complexities of human emotions and relationships reveals that emotional bullying is often subtle, woven into words and actions.
Recognizing these eight behaviors goes beyond identifying a bully; it’s about valuing emotional respect and empathy in your relationships.
Emotional bullying is rooted in love but in control and manipulation.
By identifying these signs, you empower yourself to initiate change—whether that means reshaping the dynamics of your relationship or reassessing your choice of partner.
As the renowned author C.S. Lewis said, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”
With this understanding, you’re a stronger person who deserves respect, love, and most importantly, emotional peace.
