As human beings, we all crave acceptance, validation, and a sense of security.
Insecurity, however, can manifest in ways we don’t always recognize, subtly influencing how others perceive us and impacting our relationships and confidence.
These behaviors, often subconscious, can affect our interactions with others and influence the way people perceive us—they might make us appear less confident or capable than we truly are.
According to psychology, certain behaviors can unintentionally project insecurity, even if we’re unaware of it.
These behaviors may be subtle and hard to spot at first, but they can have a significant impact on our personal and professional relationships.
Here are nine common behaviors that may be making you seem insecure, and how awareness of them can help you develop more confidence and authenticity:
1) You over-apologize
Apologizing is a good habit when you’ve made a mistake or caused inconvenience to others—however, when you start apologizing over every tiny mistake frequently, then that’s where we draw the line.
Psychologists suggest that over-apologizing can often stem from an underlying fear of conflict, rejection, or a desire for approval.
You may find yourself saying sorry for things that are not your fault, or for things that are entirely out of your control—for example, someone else being late due to the weather, or for the fact that the restaurant you chose was too crowded.
These are situations where an apology isn’t necessary and can make you seem insecure or lacking in self-esteem.
There’s nothing wrong with apologizing when it’s warranted, but excessive apologies can give off the impression that you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
2) You seek constant reassurance
We all need reassurance from time to time—it’s a natural part of human relationships.
But when you find yourself constantly seeking validation and affirmation from others, it can signal a deeper sense of insecurity.
Continually asking if what you’re doing is okay, if your work is good enough, or if your outfit looks alright suggests that you’re unsure of yourself and your decisions.
While it’s normal to want feedback, relying too heavily on others to validate your worth can make you seem insecure.
Trust in your abilities and decisions—trust yourself.
3) You’re overly competitive
On the surface, competitiveness might seem like a sign of confidence—you’re eager to prove your abilities and strive to be the best.
Unfortunately for you, when taken to an extreme, being overly competitive can actually indicate insecurity.
Trying to one-up others or being unable to handle losing gracefully suggests that your self-worth is tied to external achievements rather than internal values.
Instead of enjoying the process or learning from the experience, you’re focused solely on the outcome.
A healthy competition can be a great motivator and can help push you to achieve your goals but, when winning becomes an obsession, it make you look like a loser even if you won.
4) You struggle to accept compliments
When someone compliments you, how do you respond?
If you find yourself brushing it off, downplaying your achievements, or responding with self-deprecating humor, then it’s clear that you struggle to accept the compliments that come to your way.
Dismissing compliments often reflects a lack of self-belief and doesn’t make you look as modest as you expect.
The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with graciously accepting a compliment.
It doesn’t mean you’re vain or self-absorbed—it simply means you’re acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments.
5) You find it difficult to say “no”
It’s hard to say no, isn’t it? We often worry about disappointing others, causing conflict, or appearing unkind.
Agreeing to tasks you don’t have time for, accepting invitations you’re not interested in, or allowing others to make decisions for you is a big “no” in itself.
This act is just your way of avoiding confrontation and keeping everyone else happy—at the expense of your own needs and desires.
It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes because saying no doesn’t make you selfish or rude.
The next time you’re tempted to say yes when you really want to say no, remember that it’s not just okay to prioritize yourself—it’s necessary.
6) You constantly compare yourself to others
We’ve all done it—scrolled through social media, looking at others’ lives and comparing them to our own.
It’s incredibly easy to fall into the comparison trap in today’s digitally connected world.
Whether it’s someone’s career, their lifestyle, or even their looks, constantly comparing yourself to others can make you feel insecure.
Constantly comparing yourself to others can lead you to believe that you’re not good enough, that you’re falling behind, or that you’re missing out.
It’s good to note that everyone’s journey is different; what you see on social media often isn’t the whole picture—it’s just the highlights.
Focus on your own goals and progress by celebrating your achievements, no matter how small they may seem to you.
Your ‘small’ achievements might actually be big for other people.
7) You overthink everything
Ever found yourself lying awake at night, replaying conversations in your head or worrying about what might happen tomorrow?
Overthinking is a common habit many of us fall into.
To extreme overthinkers, maybe like yourself, this becomes a constant part of their life—always second-guessing their decisions, dissecting every interaction for hidden meanings, or worrying endlessly about the future.
While it’s good to be thoughtful and considerate, there’s a fine line between careful thinking and spiraling into a vortex of “what ifs”.
Remind yourself that not everything requires deep scrutiny and it’s okay to let things simply be.
After all, sometimes a coffee cup is just a coffee cup!
8) You tend to avoid eye contact
Let’s be honest here: maintaining eye contact can be a little uncomfortable at times—consistently avoiding it can make you seem insecure or untrustworthy.
Eye contact is a powerful form of nonverbal communication—according to an article by the Michigan State University—that shows you’re engaged, confident, and sincere.
If you’re always looking away or down, it might seem like you’re hiding something or unsure of yourself.
Now, there’s no need to start a staring contest with everyone you meet, but try to hold eye contact when you’re speaking or listening to someone.
Your eyes can say a lot about you—make sure they’re sending the right message.
9) You don’t believe in your own worth
Your self-worth is determined by how you perceive yourself.
Doubting your abilities, belittling your achievements, or feeling like you’re not good enough on a daily basis, will inevitably make you seem insecure.
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy—if you don’t believe in yourself, it’s hard for others to do so.
Believing in your own worth means you acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, accept yourself as you are, and are aware that you are worthy of respect and love.
Everyone has insecurities, there’s no doubt about that, but never forget to always believe in yourself.
Reflecting on your behaviors
Being aware of your own behavior is the first step towards personal growth.
It’s important to remember that everyone has moments of insecurity, and exhibiting one or even a few of these behaviors doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an insecure person—we all have areas where we can improve and grow.
If you recognized some of these behaviors in yourself, view it as a chance for self-reflection and growth.
Progress matters more than perfection; it’s about striving to be better than yesterday.
If feelings of insecurity are overwhelming or impacting your relationships or life quality, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for support—seeking help is a sign of strength and self-care.
As we wrap up, take a moment to reflect on your behavior patterns: Are there areas you can improve? What small steps can you take to build greater self-assurance?
Change is possible and every step you take towards understanding yourself better is a step towards a more confident you.
