Spotting the signs of a faltering relationship can feel like reading tea leaves. It’s not always clear, especially when emotions are at play.
One thing I’ve learned in my years as a relationship expert and founder of Love Connection blog is that men often express their doubt in subtle ways.
They don’t always come right out and say, “I’m not sure this is working.” But their actions speak volumes.
In this article, I’ll share with you six subtle things men will do when they’re starting to pull away in a relationship. These are the quiet signals that they have one foot out the door.
These tips aren’t about blame or pointing fingers, but about understanding and communication. So let’s dive right in.
1) They become distant
We all have moments where we need a little space. But when your man starts pulling away consistently, it could signal trouble.
This distance can be both emotional and physical. It’s like there’s an invisible barrier between you two.
For instance, he might not be as open or forthcoming about his feelings. Or his hugs and kisses might not be as warm or frequent.
This distancing is often a man’s way of easing out of a relationship. It’s subtler than an outright break-up talk, but it’s a sign that he might have one foot out the door.
It’s important not to jump to conclusions, though. Everyone has off days. But do watch out for a consistent pattern — that’s when it definitely becomes cause for concern.
2) They’re suddenly independent
A sudden burst of independence can be a sign that a man is starting to disengage from the relationship. If he’s always been self-reliant, this might not apply.
But if he’s suddenly cooking his own meals, doing his own laundry, or making plans without you, it could mean he’s preparing for a solo life.
This is something I explore in depth in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s about finding that balance between independence and togetherness in a relationship.
But when that balance tips too far towards independence, it can signal that they’re getting ready to step out of the partnership.
This sudden shift can be jarring, but it’s important to recognize it for what it is: a possible sign he’s considering ending the relationship.
Remember, communication is key. If you notice this behavior, it might be time to have a frank discussion about your future together. This brings me to the next point…
3) They avoid future plans
Planning for the future is a natural part of any serious relationship. It’s a way of saying “I see you in my life down the line.” If a man starts avoiding these discussions, it could be a subtle sign he’s thinking of an exit.
At the very least, it shows there’s what author and therapist Dr. Alexandra Solomon calls a “pace discrepancy” — where one partner feels ready to move to the next step in a commitment sequence and the other partner does not.
He might dodge conversations about upcoming holidays, future housing plans, or even next weekend’s dinner party. It’s as though he’s not sure he’ll still be around when that future arrives.
In my own life, I’ve seen this pattern play out. It can be painful to face, but acknowledging the truth is the first step towards healing. Remember, it’s okay to ask where you stand. You deserve to know if your partner sees a shared future or not.
4) They stop initiating
In a healthy relationship, both partners share the responsibility of initiating – be it conversation, affection, or plans. But when a man is thinking of leaving, he might stop taking the lead.
Suddenly, you’re the one making all the dinner reservations, starting all the conversations, and reaching out for hugs and kisses. It’s as though he’s pulled back and is waiting for you to fill the void.
This happened to me once, in a relationship years ago. I found myself constantly reaching out, and it felt like I was the only one putting in effort. It was a tough pill to swallow, but recognizing it helped me address the issue head-on.
If you find yourself always making the first move, it might be time to have an open discussion about where your relationship stands. It’s okay to want an equal partnership where both of you are actively involved.
5) They become overly critical
Criticism is a part of any relationship. We all have our quirks and habits that might annoy our partners.
However, when the criticism becomes constant and targets your core personality traits, it’s a different thing altogether.
The Gottman Institute calls constant criticism the first of the “Four Horsemen” — the biggest predictors of the end of a relationship. It’s a sign that something’s simmering beneath, and it definitely needs to be addressed.
This happened to me during my first serious relationship. The man I was dating started to pick on things that were inherently me – my love for late-night snacks, my tendency to overthink, even my laughter. It felt like nothing I did was right.
If you find yourself constantly under criticism, it might be time to reassess your relationship. And if you’d like more insights on relationships and love, feel free to follow me on Facebook. You’ll get all of my latest articles right in your feed.
6) They stop saying “I love you”
This one hurts to write, but it’s important to address. When a man is contemplating leaving, those three little words might start to fade away.
“I love you” is more than just a phrase; it’s a commitment, a promise. When it disappears, it can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you.
This isn’t about the occasional oversight. We all have days when we’re distracted or tired. But if “I love you” has become a rarity or disappeared entirely, it could be a sign he’s pulling away.
Raw and honest as it is, this might be one of the most telling signs that he’s considering an exit. It’s a tough reality to face, but acknowledging it can help you decide your next steps. You deserve to be with someone who isn’t afraid to express their love for you.
Understanding the signs
The subtleties of human behavior are complex and often confusing. In relationships, it can feel like we’re constantly trying to decode our partner’s actions. It’s a delicate dance of love, respect, and understanding.
Of course, it’s good to keep in mind that everyone is unique. What might be a red flag in one relationship could be a non-issue in another. Always communicate openly with your partner and trust your intuition.
If you’re interested in exploring this topic further, I encourage you to watch this insightful video by Justin Brown.
In it, he delves into the complexities of finding a life partner, reflecting on his personal experiences and the lessons he’s learned along the way. It’s a deep dive into understanding values, growth, and mutual support in a relationship.
Remember, relationships require work and commitment from both sides. Don’t ignore the signs if you feel something isn’t right. You deserve to be in a loving relationship where you’re cherished for who you are. Don’t settle for less.
