Navigating the labyrinth of love is no simple task, my friends—not every connection is meant to blossom into a romance, and that’s okay
Knowing whether you’re meant to be romantic partners or just good ol’ pals is an age-old conundrum as it’s not always black and white.
Hi, I’m Tina Fey, founder of Love Connection blog and your friendly neighborhood relationship expert, spending years helping people unravel these complex emotional knots.
In my experience, there are eight, clear signs that the chemistry you share with someone is better suited for friendship rather than a romantic partnership.
These are insights from years of professional and personal experiences, so buckle up—we’re about to make the complicated simple:
1) Butterflies have flown away from you
Remember those first few dates when your stomach was filled with fluttery butterflies?
That feeling of excitement and anticipation is often a sign of romantic attraction.
But as time marches on, you may notice these butterflies have packed their bags and left.
There’s comfort and familiarity, sure, but that spark of romance seems to have faded.
Don’t get me wrong—butterflies don’t stay forever in any relationship, but they should make a frequent appearance, reminding you why you fell for your partner in the first place.
If you find that those butterflies have permanently migrated elsewhere, it might be a sign that you’re better suited as friends.
2) Arguments are your regular guest
Here’s a personal confession: There was a time in my life when I found myself arguing with my partner more often than having meaningful conversations—it honestly felt like we were in a boxing ring instead of a loving relationship.
And let me tell you, my friends, constant arguments are not a sign of passion, but rather a sign of discord.
Let’s turn to the wise words of Albert Einstein, who once said, “Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”
A healthy relationship should be more about understanding and less about winning an argument.
Arguments are part of any relationship, but when they become the main course instead of a side dish, it’s time to reassess.
3) Your dependency has taken the driver’s seat
Confession time again, folks: I’ve been in relationships where I felt like I was losing myself, my identity swallowed up by the ‘us’.
It’s a scary place to be!
This is where dependency sneaks in, taking control of the steering wheel.
When you can’t imagine your life without them, not because of the love you share, but because you feel you won’t be able to function without them.
As I explain in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, this kind of dependency is unhealthy and can lead to codependency.
When you find that your happiness and self-worth are tied to your partner, it’s a clear sign that something needs to change.
It’s important to love and be loved, but it’s equally important to love yourself and maintain your independence.
4) You’re more excited about your future without them
Now, this might seem counterintuitive at first glance—I mean, shouldn’t you be excited about a future with your partner?
Well, yes, but hear me out.
When you’re daydreaming about your future—the career advancements, the places you want to visit, the experiences you want to have—and you realize those dreams are brighter, more vibrant when your partner isn’t in them… that’s actually a sign.
It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them or wish them well, as it just means your paths might be diverging rather than converging.
As unconventional as it sounds, it’s completely okay to envision a future that doesn’t include your current partner.
Sometimes, we’re meant to walk alongside each other for a while before finding our separate paths.
5) You feel more like a parent than a partner
I once found myself in a relationship where I was more of a caretaker than a partner.
I was picking up after them, reminding them of their responsibilities, and constantly worrying about their well-being.
Now, caring for your partner is one thing, but feeling like you have to parent them is an entirely different ballgame.
Should you find yourself in a similar situation, where you’re constantly having to act as a parent rather than an equal partner, it could be a sign that you’re better off as friends.
A romantic relationship should be built on mutual respect and shared responsibilities.
If one person is doing all the heavy lifting, it can lead to resentment and fatigue—you want a partner, not another child.
6) You’re not attracted to them anymore
Romantic relationships require a certain level of physical attraction.
It’s not everything, but it’s a vital ingredient in the mix.
Feeling uncomfortable with the idea of intimacy or simply not feeling that physical draw towards your partner could be a sign we often try to ignore or downplay because it feels shallow.
However, physical attraction isn’t shallow—it’s a natural part of romantic relationships, and it’s okay to admit when it’s missing.
In a way, this just means that that your connection is more platonic than romantic.
7) You’re happier when they’re not around
I recall a time when I breathed a sigh of relief every time my partner left the room—I felt lighter, happier, more like myself.
It was a wake-up call, to say the least.
As the iconic Marilyn Monroe once said, “It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.”
Your happiness shouldn’t be tied to their absence—relationships are supposed to enhance your life, not make you feel trapped or unhappy.
It’s okay to choose your happiness over a relationship that’s bringing you down.
8) You’re staying out of fear, not love
This is a tough one to face, my friends.
Sometimes we stay in relationships not because of the love we feel, but because of the fear of being alone or the fear of hurting the other person.
If you’re staying in your relationship out of fear rather than love, it’s a huge red flag that you might be better off as friends.
All romantic relationships should be built on mutual affection, respect, and shared dreams, so fear has no place in this foundation.
Choose your peace and happiness over a relationship that’s rooted in fear.
I know it’s not an easy decision to make, but it’s often the most honest one.
Conclusion
Navigating the maze of love is no easy feat, but hopefully, these eight signs offer some clarity.
Choosing friendship over romance is perfectly okay when it’s healthier for both parties as love comes in many forms and, sometimes, the truest love is a strong friendship.
If these signs resonate with you, don’t worry—it’s a chance to grow and better understand your feelings and needs.
For more insights on maintaining healthy relationships and overcoming dependency, do check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
Remember, you’re not alone on this journey—and, as always, I’m here to help guide you through the maze of love.
