As a psychologist, I’ve noticed that some men seem to have an incredible skill for understanding feelings—their own and others’.
Where does this talent come from? According to psychology, it’s often tied to key experiences growing up.
From learning to navigate complex family dynamics to being encouraged to express emotions, these early lessons leave a lasting impact.
So, let’s jump in!
1) Emotionally expressive households
Men with high emotional intelligence often grew up in environments that encouraged emotional expression.
I’ve observed that in many of these households, feelings weren’t swept under the rug. Instead, they were openly discussed and validated.
This environment helped these men, from an early age, become comfortable with a wide range of emotions. They learned to recognize and understand feelings not just in themselves, but in others too.
After all, emotional intelligence is fundamentally about empathy – understanding and responding to the emotions of others.
And this ability is often nurtured in homes where emotions are treated as important and valid.
This isn’t to say that every emotionally intelligent man grew up in such a household. But it’s certainly a common thread among many.
2) Encountering adversity
In my experience as a psychologist, I’ve discovered that many men with high emotional intelligence have confronted adversity at some point in their childhood.
Personal example? Absolutely. I recall going through a particularly difficult period in my own life when I was about ten years old. My parents had just divorced, and it turned my world upside down.
However, this challenging time taught me invaluable lessons about managing my emotions and understanding those of the people around me.
It formed a foundation for developing my emotional intelligence.
Adversity can be a powerful teacher. It forces us to confront our feelings head-on, teaching us how to manage them. It also exposes us to the emotions of others, allowing us to develop empathy.
While it’s not a universal experience, and certainly not one we’d wish on anyone, encountering adversity in childhood often contributes to heightened emotional intelligence in later life.
3) Active participation in team sports
Many men with high emotional intelligence were actively involved in team sports during their childhood.
Participating in a team requires understanding and responding to the emotional states of teammates, coaches, and sometimes even opponents.
In fact, a study found a positive correlation between team sports participation in adolescence and enhanced emotional intelligence.
Team sports teach us about cooperation, empathy, and managing both success and failure – all of which are crucial elements of emotional intelligence.
So while it might seem that sports are all about physical prowess, they often play a significant role in shaping our emotional landscape as well.
4) Exposure to diverse environments
Men who display high emotional intelligence often had exposure to diverse environments and cultures growing up.
This exposure can come in many forms such as traveling to different countries, attending diverse schools, or living in multicultural neighborhoods.
By interacting with people from various backgrounds and cultures, these men learned to appreciate different perspectives and worldviews.
This understanding of diversity often fosters empathy and open-mindedness, which are key components of emotional intelligence.
Moreover, this exposure can also teach adaptability – the ability to adjust one’s emotions and responses according to the situation or cultural context.
This is a skill that’s highly valued in emotionally intelligent individuals.
5) Role models who demonstrated emotional intelligence
Having role models who demonstrated emotional intelligence during their formative years is another common experience among men with high emotional intelligence.
This could be a parent, a teacher, or any other influential figure in their lives.
I’ve often heard stories of how these role models would handle difficult situations with grace and empathy, allowing their feelings to guide them without letting them take control.
These mentors showed that it’s not only okay to have emotions but also crucial to understand and manage them effectively.
Watching and learning from these emotionally intelligent figures, these men learned to navigate their own emotions and understand those of others.
These early lessons in emotional intelligence often had a profound impact, shaping these men into the emotionally adept individuals they are today.
6) Early lessons in responsibility
Many emotionally intelligent men learned about responsibility at a young age.
Often, they were placed in positions where they had to care for others – maybe a younger sibling, a pet, or even a family member with health issues.
I remember when my younger brother was born. I was only six, but I felt an immense sense of responsibility towards him.
I wanted to protect him, make him laugh when he was crying, and help him navigate the world.
This early exposure to caring for others can nurture empathy and understanding – fundamental elements of emotional intelligence.
It teaches us to consider others’ feelings and needs, and this is a lesson that tends to stay with emotionally intelligent men as they grow older.
7) Engaging in creative activities
Creative activities were a common part of childhood for many men with high emotional intelligence.
Whether it was painting, writing, playing an instrument, or even engaging in imaginative play, these activities allowed them to express their emotions in a non-verbal way.
Creativity and emotional intelligence are closely linked. Both require an ability to tap into and understand one’s inner world.
Creative activities provide an outlet for emotional expression and can help in developing a nuanced understanding of one’s own emotions.
So, it’s no surprise that many emotionally intelligent men recall engaging in creative pursuits during their childhood. These experiences often played a significant role in shaping their emotional landscape.
Final thoughts
Emotional intelligence isn’t static; it’s something that evolves throughout our lives. It’s shaped by our experiences and interactions.
Consider the men with high emotional intelligence we discussed. Their childhood experiences played a pivotal role in developing their emotional understanding.
But it’s important to remember that these experiences merely set the foundation for their emotional growth.
The real development of emotional intelligence comes from ongoing introspection, empathy towards others, and willingness to grow emotionally.
It requires a continuous commitment to understanding our emotions and those of others, and responding to them in a constructive manner.
So whether you’re looking back at your own childhood or considering ways to foster emotional intelligence in others, remember this: emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey.
Every experience, every interaction, and every emotion is a stepping stone on this path.
As Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence, once said, “Emotional intelligence begins to develop in the earliest years.
All the small exchanges children have with their parents, teachers, and with each other carry emotional messages.”
These messages form the foundation of emotional intelligence. But the rest of the building? That’s up to us.
