We’ve all encountered them. Those people who are sweet as pie to your face, yet whisper behind your back. It’s not always easy to spot them, but they do share some specific traits.
These traits can serve as a warning sign, alerting us to their two-faced behavior and saving us unnecessary heartache.
The following article is about recognizing these tell-tale signs. Using plain and easy-to-understand language, we will explore the seven specific traits commonly displayed by people who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face.
Let’s dive in.
1) They are masters of flattery
We all like being complimented, right? Well, people who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face often use flattery as their primary tool.
Their compliments can feel genuine and heartwarming. But beware, this is often a strategy for them to win your trust and favor.
The catch here is, they don’t necessarily mean what they say. Their sweet words usually serve a hidden agenda – to keep you unsuspecting while they carry on with their behind-the-scenes chatter.
It’s important to remember that not all flattery is insincere. Yet, when it’s coupled with other tell-tale signs that we’ll discuss, it may be time to reassess those overly complimentary friends.
It’s always wise to differentiate authentic praise from calculated flattery. And trust me, as we go further into these traits, you’ll get better at spotting the difference.
2) They avoid direct communication
In my experience, I’ve found that people who talk behind your back usually have a knack for avoiding direct communication.
I remember a former colleague of mine, let’s call her Sarah. We got along well in the office, often sharing laughs over lunch breaks. But when it came to work-related issues, instead of addressing them directly with me, she would discuss them with others behind my back.
I started to notice this when I would hear from other colleagues about Sarah’s concerns or criticisms regarding my work. It was puzzling since she never brought them up directly to me.
This lack of direct communication can be a red flag. It shows a lack of courage to confront issues head-on and a preference for behind-the-scenes gossip.
3) They’re excessively concerned with their image
People who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face often display an intense preoccupation with their personal image. They want to be seen in a positive light by everyone, all the time.
Social psychologists refer to this as ‘impression management’, a conscious or subconscious process in which people attempt to influence the perceptions of others about a person, object, or event. They do this by regulating and controlling information in social interaction.
These individuals often go to great lengths to maintain a positive public image, even if it means throwing others under the bus privately.
4) They’re quick to spread rumors
Another common trait of those who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face is their readiness to spread rumors. They often thrive on office gossip or friend group drama, and have an uncanny ability to be at the center of it all.
These individuals have a knack for passing on information, often without verifying its truthfulness. The thrill of being a part of the gossip mill can sometimes outweigh their consideration for the feelings and reputations of others.
If you find that someone always seems to be in the know about the latest rumors and isn’t shy about sharing them, it’s worth keeping an eye out for other signs of two-faced behavior.
5) They’re inconsistent with their behavior
One trait I’ve noticed in people who talk behind your back is inconsistency in behavior. It’s like they have a switch that they can flip on and off depending on the situation or the company they are in.
I used to have a friend who was extremely fun and kind when we were hanging out one-on-one. But as soon as we were in a group, his behavior would change entirely. He would become distant, even a bit cold, and I’d often hear later about the harsh things he said about me to others.
This inconsistency can be quite hurtful and confusing. It leaves you questioning the authenticity of your relationship with them and can create a lot of emotional turmoil.
If you notice someone’s behavior fluctuating dramatically depending on the situation or people they are with, it might be a sign of their two-faced tendencies.
6) They lack empathy
Another common trait in people who talk behind your back but are nice to your face is a lack of empathy. They often struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, which makes it easier for them to indulge in gossip or backstabbing without feeling guilty.
Empathy involves understanding another person’s experience from their perspective. But when someone lacks this trait, they can easily dismiss or overlook the potential harm their actions might cause.
Therefore, if you notice someone who seems indifferent to the feelings of others, especially when it comes to gossip or criticism, it could be a sign that they’re comfortable with talking behind people’s backs.
7) They’re always playing the victim
The most significant trait to look out for is the perpetual victim mentality. People who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face often portray themselves as the victim in every scenario.
This tendency allows them to shirk responsibility for their actions and garner sympathy from others. It’s a manipulative tactic that justifies their backstabbing behavior while positioning themselves as the innocent party.
If you notice someone who always seems to be at the receiving end of some injustice or another, yet never seems to acknowledge their own part in conflicts, be cautious. This could be a clear sign of a two-faced individual.
Final thoughts: Understanding over judgement
At the end of the day, human behavior is complex and often driven by factors we can’t see. People who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face can be difficult to deal with, but it’s important to remember that their actions may be rooted in their own insecurities or struggles.
Psychology tells us that people often project their own fears and insecurities onto others. This means that their harsh words might be more about them than they are about you.
This perspective doesn’t condone or excuse their behavior, but it may help you approach the situation with understanding instead of resentment.
It’s crucial to set boundaries and protect your emotional wellbeing. But it’s also worth reflecting on the complexities behind human behavior, because everyone has their own battles they’re fighting.
So as you navigate these tricky relationships, keep these traits in mind. They’ll equip you with the knowledge to recognize two-faced individuals and handle them with grace, understanding, and resilience.
